To be Frantastic

Chapter 13: Photographic memory

After returning home with mom and both of us taking long relaxing showers, the rest of the day was pretty average. Now we are having dinner in a local café Tyler showed me last week. We are both having salads, but yet again I am barely eating, and my mom is noticing. I have to stop that or at this rate I'll never get better.

-"Are you sure you're not feeling sick or anything? You are never like this, honey; you're only second to Brandon when it comes to food!"—my mom said, passing some of her salad from her plate into mine.

-"Mom, I swear I'm fine, I just got a bit distracted, that's all..."—I said, clearly unconvincingly.

-"You can't cheat your mother, young man! You have something going on and won't tell me. Is it girl trouble?"

-"What? No! Mom why would you think that?"

-"Just asking... boy trouble, then?"

I choked on my drink.

-"Mom!?"

-"Ok, ok, I'll stop there, just remember I don't judge... and you're my son, you can tell me anything, I will always have your back. You know that, right?"

-"But still, why would you assume...? I mean, when have I ever...?"

-"Oh I'm just joking with you, Con. But I did notice lately you've gotten very close to your Australian friend...?"

I don't know why I blushed when she said that.

-"Well, Troye is one of my best friends this days, mom..."

-"And I'm happy to hear that! Because in all this time since you've started YouTube, he's the first person I heard you refer to as your best friend."

-"... Is it really? I hadn't noticed... that..."

-"That's because you don't have to."—my mom said with a smile on her face, as she took my right hand in her left's—"It's my job as your mother to notice things about you that maybe you don't understand. And I have noticed that lately, you've been less talkative, you haven't told me anything about any girlfriends or any kind of relationships at all... I know we live faraway, and I know that you've already been alone for a long time, Connor, but even your siblings know better than to keep their troubles to themselves. You've always been the most emotional out of you all, and that's why sometimes you worry me the most. Because it's ok to be in love, as it is ok to be sad or to be angry. What is not ok is to keep everything to yourself, even when you think you are trying those close to you."

I gave back a sad smile to my mother and gave her hand a squeeze. Because she is right, as usual. But this isn't a way to punish her for what I'm going through, this is just a way to punish me. But she is right about having to know... or is she?

-"Are you sure there is nothing you want to talk about in particular?"—she asked.

Should I tell her?

-"Like about how you visited your brother Dustin at Portland? Did you like it there? Do you like it here...?"

Maybe she can help. Dr. Kellerman says I don't have to keep the sickness all to myself.

-"Would you like to talk about the guys in the house? In O2L? Is everything alright with them? You hardly mention them anymore. Are you still good friends with them...? With Ricky...?"

Or maybe not. What good am I doing to her by worrying her even further about me? What's my right to make her feel bad?

-"How about Troye? Talk to me about him, then. I know he seems very special to you, and whatever or whoever makes you feel happy makes me feel happy, Connor..."