Always There || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 182: Christmas Eve - Part 4

No matter how he decided to ask me, I would always say yes.

And then, from behind his back, he pulled out two white envelopes. My heart dropped.
"Are those-"
"So, this morning when I checked the mail.. I saw I had gotten one. And.. I'm sorry, but.. I peeked in your mailbox and you had gotten one two. And.. well, I didn't want to open mine without you. We did this together and I just.. if you don't want to open them tonight, we don't have to. We can just have this, and I'll wait too. But.. if you do, then we can open them together right now, and.. we'll finally know."

In a matter of minutes, no matter what those letters said, our lives were going to change. And was I really ready for that? Right now? When I could still bask in this night with him, living in this ignorance of everything finally being perfect with us? But.. what if we both got in? Then.. everything would be that much better. We would be leaving together. But if only one of us did.. everything could be ruined.

"Whatever you want to do, I'll respect that." He said, placing the envelope in my lap. I stared at it for a moment, it suddenly feeling much heavier than I expected, but I was probably just imagining things.
"Did you tell anyone?" I asked. He shook his head.
"No. I wanted to tell you first." I nodded, peeking back up at him.

He stared back at me with a gentle smile, I could tell, trying his best to remain calm. Part of me appreciated his ability to stay calm for me, but sometimes I wished we could live within these feelings together. Sometimes I didn't want to be the only one freaking out.

"I think we should open them." I finally said. "But.. I want you to open yours first." He bit down on his lip, hesitating for a moment before nodding and slowly tearing through the envelope and carefully lifting the letter out. His eyes quickly darted across the page for what felt like forever, bouncing up and down from the top of the page down to the bottom, and back to the top, over and over again. The silence was excruciating.

"Open yours." He finally said. My body went cold. He didn't get in? Did he just not want to say anything? If he had gotten in, surely he would have reacted, right? This had always been his dream, I was the one who was just tagging along. There was no way I had gotten in and he didn't.

"Josh, I-"
"It's okay." He said, motioning back towards the envelope. "Open yours."
I nodded, finally forcing myself to rip open the envelope, peeking back up at him one last time to which he gave me a kind smile, nodding again. Pulling out the paper, I barely had to scan the page before my eyes immediately darted to the big bold 'congratulations' at the top of the page.

I had gotten in.

The rest of the letter was a blur, literally and figuratively as my eyes instantly filled with tears. I was unable to contain my smile by the time I reached the end of the letter, instantly bringing my attention back to him. He sat there, waiting eagerly, but I didn't want to tell him. Not if that meant having to leave him here. If he didn't go, I didn't want to go either. This whole thing was because of him. And now.. it wasn't fair that I was getting to go, and he wasn't.

"Did you get in?" He asked. I bit down on my lip as more tears came to my eyes.
"You did." He sighed, his smile growing. Finally I nodded, unable to contain it anymore. He instantly reached over, pulling me into a tight hug. I climbed into his lap, squeezing him tight, hiding my face in his neck as more tears came. When he finally moved away, he stared back up at me, wiping my eyes, gently running his fingers through my hair to get it out of my face.

"I'm so sorry." I managed, trying to catch my breath. He shook his head, his smile growing.
"Why are you sorry?" He asked.
"B-because, I.. I got in, and you-"
"I got in too, Jaime."

It felt like my heart had stopped.
He had gotten in.
We had both gotten in.

We were going.
Together.

"You.. you got in." I finally managed. He nodded, flashing me a toothy grin.
"But.. but you.. why didn't you-"
"Because.. I wanted you to have your own moment."
"But.. w-what if.. what if I didn't get in?" I asked. He was quiet for a moment.
"Then.. I would have said I didn't get in either. I wouldn't want to go without you."

I couldn't believe it. After everything, he was still willing to throw everything away. Just for me. Just like that. Something that had always been his dream. He was willing to throw away again.
"W-well, I'm glad it didn't come to that." I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Me too." He said, leaning in closer.

I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe just how much I could love someone, as much as I loved him, I couldn't believe how loved I could feel by someone else; how lucky we were to have each other in this life, and how much I wanted him for the rest of mine.

"Can you just ask me already?" I said, biting down on my lip to try and contain my grin. He shook his head, giggling to himself.
"We're almost there." He said, now leaning his forehead against mine. "But.. I still have something to give you."