Always There || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 138: Wildest Dreams

When I opened the door, I couldn't help but smile seeing Josh snuggled up under the covers, already asleep, having turned off all of the lights except for the dull lamp on my end table, leaving just enough light for me to be able to make it into bed.

I was glad he knew he was more than welcome to share my bed with me.

I stood back, leaning against my door for a moment, just admiring him. How peaceful he was, finally getting to sleep in a real bed again, how right it looked, seeing him in mine, and now all I wanted was to wrap myself up in him.

The longer I stared, soon enough I felt tears come to my eyes, knowing that Josh would never talk to me the way Jake had just did. Jake had made his decision, and he chose to stay behind when he knew that Josh was coming here to see me. If it was important enough to him, he would've came too.

And he didn't.
But Josh did.
And right now, that was all that mattered to me.

He had always been the most gentle, sweetest, loving boy I had ever known, and I couldn't believe I could be so stupid, to not fully see that when I had it. But now I was in too deep with Jake, and it wasn't as simple as just walking away. I did love him, and I knew that losing him would hurt just the same.

But I couldn't live every day wondering if we were going to have another fight like that. What if one day we had a family? Would he pick the band over that too? Could I blame him? It wouldn't be fair of me to try and pull him away from his actual first love, when this whole time, I had always been Josh's.

There was no need to compromise when it came to us.
We just worked perfectly together.

We all want that excitement that comes from someone who gives us butterflies, but what if the butterflies aren't good at all? What if they're a warning? What if what we should be searching for isn't "excitement" at all, but the one who makes us feel.. at peace. With them, and with ourselves.

And now my sense of peace was finally fast asleep in my bed, hopefully feeling just as peaceful himself.

I quietly got changed, careful not to wake up him with the opening and closing of drawers, and then carefully lifted up the covers, crawling into bed next to him. I placed my leg over his, reaching around for his hand and then cuddled under his arm. I felt my heart jump as he instantly pulled me up against him. He was so warm, his body heat radiating through his clothes; he truly was my own personal sun.

"Josh.." I whispered, nuzzling my face into his chest. I felt him move, now forcing his eyes open, giving me a tired smile.
"Hi.." He sighed, reaching over, gently running his fingers through my hair.

I wish he didn't have to go back. What I would give just to lay with him here forever, in our own little world, just like when we were little. When it truly was just the two of us against the world, everyday, dreaming of when we would finally be more than this, and then we were, but I ruined everything. I was so lucky. How many girls could say that their true "firsts" were with the boy that they loved more than anything? The one that showed them what true love actually meant, completely and unconditionally.

I quickly hid my face back into his chest, feeling tears come to my eyes. He could tell, but he didn't say anything. He pulled me closer, slowly moving his hand up the back of my shirt, his fingers gently gliding up and down my spine.

"I'm so sorry." I finally managed, trying my hardest to control my inconsistent breaths. He finally stopped, sitting up to face me.
"Why are you sorry?" He asked. I could tell he was so tired. I felt bad for keeping him up any longer than he had to be. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just enjoyed the night together just as it was.