Always There || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 108: Real

I quickly moved away, feeling my whole body get hot as Josh made his way out the back door, instantly looking over at us.
"H-hey.." I muttered. His eyes shot over to Jake, then back to me.
"Jaime, can I.. can I talk to you?" He asked, peeking back over at him. "A-alone?" I felt my heart beating faster, suddenly aware of just how red my face had gotten. I hated the idea of Josh seeing Jake and I together, despite knowing that it was bound to happen, but that didn't mean I wanted to rub it in his face.

And I'd like to think he'd show me the same courtesy.

I looked back up at Jake who nodded, giving me a gentle smile.
"Go ahead." He whispered, motioning over to him. "I'll meet you in my room, okay?"
"Okay." I said, my eyes moving down to his lips. His smile grew as he reached over, gently touching my cheek before moving away, heading back inside. Josh watched him, waiting for the door to shut before getting closer.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. He held his stare on me, now awkwardly picking at his nails.
"Um.. can we.. go for a walk?" He muttered, motioning away. I bit down on my lip, eventually nodding.
"Okay."

He walked close, but kept just enough distance to where we didn't touch.
"Where are we going?" I asked, peeking up at him. His lips eventually curled into a smile as he looked back down at me.
"I don't know." He shrugged. "Just.. away." He guided us down the street with nothing but the icy blue street lights to guide us, the overwhelmingly loud chirping of the crickets echoing in my ears as the summer nights slowly started to bring in fall's eager chill. I tightly crossed my arms against my chest.

"Are you cold?" He asked, moving closer. I shrugged, keeping my eyes forward.
"I'm fine." He hesitated for a moment before eventually sliding his flannel off, handing it over to me. I looked down at it, wondering if this was okay now, but.. I had borrowed Jake's clothes before. It was okay. He was just being nice.

"Thank you." I said, eventually taking it, sliding my arms through the sleeves. It smelt like him. But I instantly felt guilty as I saw him shove his hands into his pockets, his arms now obviously affected by the night air, despite trying his hardest to hide it.

"So.. what do you want to talk about?" I finally asked. I heard him sigh, now stopping to face me. I stopped, turning back towards him.
"I.. wanted to say I'm sorry." He mumbled, kicking at the pavement.
"W-why are you sorry?"
"For everything I said at the wedding."
"Oh, it's.. it's okay." I sighed. He looked away.
"I meant everything I said, but.. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I'd never want to do that." My heart jumped, my cheeks burning red again.

"O-oh."
"Jaime.. can I ask you something?"
"That depends." I muttered, peeking back over at him, praying he didn't bring up Jake, but.. I would be stupid to think that wasn't where this was going.

"You and Jake.. is it.. I mean, well.. is it real?"
"W-what do you mean.. is it real?" He sighed, avoiding my eyes again.
"I mean.. is this real, or.. is this just.. something you guys are working through? I know you said that.. when you were younger, and well, the both of you.. so maybe it was just.. seeing what could have been." My heart sunk.
"It's real." I whispered. "I mean, well.. it's real for me." His face dropped, eventually nodding.

"What did I do wrong, Jaime? What could I have done to-"
"Josh, this.. has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong, I think.. we just.. we were never meant to take it that far. You've always been my best friend, and you always will be, and.. I miss you."
"I haven't gone anywhere." He whispered, reaching over for my hand. My heart jumped again. "You're the one that left, Jaime." I shook my head, looking back up at him.
"I just want things to go back to the way they were between us. I miss having my best friend and I don't want you to leave.. thinking that I don't lov-"
"Don't." He snapped, his jaw clenching. My heart dropped, my body going cold.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, but.. I do." I said. He sighed, shaking his head.
"And I love you, but you can't say that to me, not when you know how I feel.. not when you're in love with him."
"Josh, I.. I'm sorry." It was all I could manage.
"I know that I said I couldn't wait around for you but.. you need to know that.. if you ever wanted to come back.. I would always be here for you, and I hate that. Do you know how it feels to live like that? But.. I can't help it. I love you, Jaime. I will always love you, and.. if you ever decide that.. you love me too, I will always be here. I always have and.. I always will."

I couldn't believe after everything, he could still feel this way. I didn't deserve him. I never would.

"That's not fair to you, Josh. I could never ask-"
"You would never have to ask, Jaime." I bit down on my lip, staring back up at him as he made his way back over to me, my heart beating faster the closer he got.

"Is he good to you?" He asked, reaching back out for my hand again, gently intertwining our fingers. I nodded, looking down at them, remembering how perfectly they fit within mine.
"He is." I sighed, wanting to pull away, but I just couldn't. I missed his gentle touch.
"Because.. I've seen him with other girls, and.. if I ever heard that he was treating you like them, I-"
"He wouldn't do that. He.. he loves me." I mumbled. He was quiet again.
"Jaime, have.. have you two ever.." He stopped himself, holding his stare on me. I had a feeling I knew where this was going, and it was the last thing I wanted to talk about with him.

"Josh.." I sighed. "You.. you don't want to talk about this." His jaw clenched again.
"So you have.."
"Josh, w-what difference would it make-"
"Because.. it's been driving me crazy."
"Well, don't think about that." He laughed, shaking his head.
"You really think I would keep thinking about the two of you if I could help it? You know it's not that easy, Jaime. You think I want to keep myself up, night after night, just.. driving myself insane, wondering what it is about him that could make you leave me so easily?" I hated hearing him talk like that. This had nothing to do with him.

"You stayed over last night, didn't you?" He asked. My stomach dropped. Had he heard?
"I.. I did." He nodded, holding his stare on me, staying quiet. The longer he went without saying anything, the more excruciating it was.
"Josh, I think we should head back." I finally said.
"W-wait, I.. the whole point of this.." He stopped, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a small gold locket on a thin chain.

"I wanted you to have something.. from me, for.. when I'm gone." He said, moving in close, reaching around my neck and clasping it behind me, letting it lie across my chest. I looked down, noticing its heart shape as I carefully opened it. I couldn't help but smile, seeing that inside were two tiny photos of us. On one side, the two of us when we were younger, his tiny arm wrapped around me, pulling me in closer as I wrapped my arms around his stomach, leaning my head on his shoulder, both of our smiles bigger than I had ever seen before. And on the other, a photo from the night of our first date. He had taken it on his phone after we got back home, him smiling at the camera as I leaned in, kissing his cheek.

That was one of the best nights of my life. I never thought that measure of happiness was even possible.

"Thank you." I whispered, closing it and letting it fall underneath the collar of my shirt. He nodded, biting down on his lip.
"I'm gonna miss you.. so much, Jaime. I would have never done any of this if it wasn't for you, and it just doesn't feel right that you're not gonna be there. That.. there will be mornings when I wake up and know that you're not right next door and.. I can't imagine what that'll feel like."

I moved in closer, gently touching his cheek.
"I'm gonna miss you too." I said, my eyes moving down to his lips. "But.. I promised you I would call, and.. I will. It'll be okay." He nodded, his eyes now moving down to mine.

"Jaime.." He asked, moving in closer. My heart was pounding now.
"Yeah?"
"Can I be selfish.. just for a minute?" I hesitated for a moment, shaking my head, knowing what that meant.
"No." I whispered, moving away. His face dropped.
"But it was okay when he did it?"
"Josh it's not the same.." He nodded, moving away from me.
"Okay.." He sighed, letting go of my hands, heading back towards the house. I watched him for a moment, unsure of how I was feeling now as I quickly followed.