Always There || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 15: To Be True

I had always been nervous about my first kiss. What was I supposed to do? Where do I put my hands? How long should it last? I always thought it would be quick, not even long enough to close my eyes, but once it finally happened, I never wanted it to end.

His hands slowly moved into my hair, pulling me in as he kissed me back harder and suddenly all doubt and uncertainty melted away. I just wanted more. I moved closer, timidly crawling into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. He sighed, staring back at me with such kind, loving eyes.

I could stare into them forever.

"Jaime.." He said, wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me up against him. "All I've ever wanted was for you to see me like this." I pulled him back into another series of kisses, each longer, deeper than the next.
"Josh, I have.. always seen you like this." I whispered. "You just.. never seemed to feel the same way about me." He shook his head, kissing me again.
"I'm so sorry I made us wait so long.." He laughed. "So many wasted nights that could have ended like this."
"I don't think we've had any wasted nights." I said, running my fingers through his hair. "I think that.. all of them got us to where we are now."
"I have loved every night that I've spent with you, Jaime." He sighed, pulling me back into another kiss.

I lost track of time, unable to tear myself away from him. His hands gradually moved up my body, gently lifting me out of his lap and crawling over me. His kisses became harder, pressing me back into his pillows that all smelled just like him. I couldn't tell you how many times I had fantasized about this moment, stealing glances from across the way, praying he never caught me staring from my window.

I reached up, tightly tangling my fingers into his hair again, kissing him back harder. I felt him sigh, reaching over to his end table, feeling around for his lamp until he finally hit the switch, turning it off. Even with just the subtle glow of the streetlights outside, I could still make out every arch and curve of his outline that I had had memorized for years.

My heart started racing as I felt his hands timidly move under my shirt, lightly brushing against my back, his touch burning where his fingers lingered. My heart started beating faster, not knowing where this was going. I wasn't sure how far I wanted this to go, especially so soon, I just knew I didn't want to scare him off.

"Josh.." I exhaled, staring back up at him. He pulled away, moving his hands off of me.
"I.. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean-"
"No, I just.. I don't want.. I mean, I do, I just don't-" He shook his head, pulling me into a gentle kiss before rolling over next to me.
"It's okay, me either." He sighed. "I.. I still haven't registered this." He giggled to himself, gently running his fingers down my cheek. I cuddled closer to him, nuzzling my face into his neck. I felt him wrap his arm around me, pulling me in closer.

"So.." He whispered, his finger gently tracing up and down my spine. "How was your first kiss?" My heart jumped as I peeked up at him, trying to contain my smile.
"How was yours?" I asked. He laughed, shaking his head.
"I asked you first." I bit down on my lip, feeling my cheeks burn.

"It was perfect." I whispered, reaching over for his hand, intertwining our fingers. He nodded, leaning in, gently kissing me on the cheek.
"Yeah.." He sighed. "It was."
"I'm sorry if I talked you out of your-"
"Jaime, to be honest.. I don't care where.. or when.. as long as it was with you. I've always wanted it to be with you."
"Me too."

And then hours flew by like minutes as we lied there together, hands delicately venturing, holding one another, embraced in every which way. How much I loved the feeling of his gentle touch, lightly grazing every inch of exposed skin. I had never realized how badly I longed to be held in such a way until I was safe and sound within his arms. What I would give to know that I could end every day right here with him.

"So.. um.. " He said, gently running his fingers through my hair. "What did you and Jake talk about?" He asked reluctantly. I couldn't help but smile, detecting the tiny hint of jealousy in his voice that I knew he tried so hard to hide. I always secretly loved it. I cuddled closer, hiding my face in his neck as I felt my eyelids start to get heavier. Taking a deep breath, I was still able to smell the faint scent of his cologne, not quite yet masked by the wine that still lingered on our breath.
"How much we didn't want to kiss each other." I laughed. I felt him nod, his smile growing as he pressed his lips against my forehead.
"Alright, I feel a little better." He sighed. I peeked up at him.
"Were you ever worried about that?" He shrugged, avoiding my eyes.
"You two are close, I was never really sure-"
"It's always been you." I said softly. I felt him nod again before I eventually dozed off.

The next morning I was woken up by the blaring sun shining right into my eyes. Rolling over, I saw I was now face to face with Josh, his arm still wrapped around me. He looked so peaceful while he slept, his lips permanently in a subtle smile, his faint, consistent snores, so adorable.

For the most part, the night was a blur, aside from random flashes of his affectionate embrace. I reached over, gently running my fingers down his cheek, my eyes moving down to his lips which curved into a bigger smile at the faintest touch. They seemed much more familiar now..

And then my heart jumped, the rest of the night instantly coming back to me.
We had kissed.
Not just once, but so, so many times.
So much that they all seemed to blur together within my memory.

I then heard him groan as he stretched his arms out, grabbing onto me and pulling me back up against him. I couldn't help but smile as I held on tight, hiding my face in his chest. Soon enough I felt his fingers move up and down my back.
"Good morning." He said softly, his voice still raspy and tired.
"Good morning." I sighed, peeking up at him. He finally opened his eyes, flashing me a playful grin. "How did you sleep?"
"Good." He said, his eyes moving back down to my lips. All I wanted was for him to kiss me again, to kiss me the way he kissed me last night.

After that, I could never go back to how we were.

He held his stare on me for a moment before sitting up, stretching his arms above his head. I pushed myself up to face him, hoping for the slightest hint of anything that would insinuate that.. after last night.. we were more than friends now.

"You hungry?" He asked, motioning towards the door. "It smells like someone's already started breakfast." I sighed, forcing a smile and trying my best to hide my disappointment.
"Mhm.." I managed, looking away. He stopped for a moment, moving closer to me.
"You okay?" He asked. He began to reach out for me, but stopped himself. What was going on? Could he only do and say those things to me when he was drunk? If that was the case, was it even real?

I knew it was too good to be true.

"Y-yeah, I'm.. I'm fine. Just.. still tired, I guess." I managed. "Guess I had too much to drink last night." He nodded, giggling to himself.
"Yeah.." He said, holding his stare on me. My heart jumped as his eyes moved back down to my lips, lingering for a moment before bringing them back up to meet mine. "If.. if you're still tired, we.. we don't have to, we can stay here and.. well, continue-"
"No, I.. I should eat something." I sighed, pushing myself out of bed. His face dropped as I made my way around to the door, looking back at him. "Coming?"

Hesitating for a moment, he stayed quiet, staring back at me with eyes unsure, as if he was holding back something, but never managed to get it out.
"Yeah."