Always There || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 162: Thanksgiving - Part 3

The cold night air hit me instantly, sending chills down my spine as I followed Sam out into their backyard, far enough away where the loud roaring of the party turned into a dull murmur off in the distance.

He pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket, lighting one and letting it hang from his lips as he smirked back at me. I could already feel my cheeks burning from Jake's drink, the rest of my body starting to radiate what little heat I had left inside of me.

"I thought I was going to have to get the spray bottle out on you in there." He joked, flicking his ashes off to the side. I rolled my eyes, playfully shoving him.
"Shut up." I laughed. "I wasn't that bad." He blew his smoke in the other direction, trying his best to contain his laughter.
"Coulda fooled me." He muttered. "Cause.. I thought you were here with Josh tonight." I bit down on my lip, feeling my heart beat faster.
"I.. I am." I said softly, avoiding his eyes.

"So then.. what's going on?"
"What do you mean?" I asked. He smirked back at me, taking another drag before shaking his head.
"I mean.. what's going on?" I sighed, shrugging as I began pacing around their yard.
"I really don't know." I said softly. "I want to, but.."

I knew that I loved Josh. There was no question about it. I had always loved him. But loving him didn't feel fair when I also knew how I felt about Jake, and clearly there was no denying that either. I couldn't hide that if I wanted to.

"Well, you know how I feel." He said, giving me a gentle smile. I nodded, knowing that he had been pushing me towards Josh the entire time. And who could blame him? Josh and I had practically been together our entire lives. It's all everyone around us had ever known.
"I know."
"But.. it doesn't matter how I feel. All that matters is how you feel."

And he was right.
Partly.
It mattered how they felt too.
And the last thing I wanted to do was hurt either of them.

"And you know, no one says you have to be with any of them. Because who knows. Maybe.. it's someone else. They're really all you've ever known, right? You've never really given yourself the chance to even.. consider anyone else."
"Like who, Sam?" I laughed. I knew that there was no one else.
"I don't know, but it felt like the right thing to say." He laughed.
"Maybe in theory." But I knew in the end.. it was one of them.

It had to be.

I think what also killed me was the fact that I knew if I picked Jake, Josh would always be there, even just as my friend again. But if I picked Josh, I would lose Jake forever. And I don't think I was willing to risk that.

"I just.. I don't want anyone to get hurt." Sam muttered.
"Me either."
"And that includes you too, Jaime."
"Thank you." I sighed, smiling back up at him.

I had always appreciated our relationship over the years. He was like the brother I never had, having grown up an only child, it was nice to have someone like him to look over me, even if he technically would be my little brother, he was wise beyond his years, so it never felt like it. But I knew if it came down to it, I'd do anything to protect him too.

"But.. if you're gonna keep looking at Jake like that-"
"I know, I know.." I laughed, rolling my eyes. "I just-"
"You can't help it. I know." We sat in silence for a bit as he finished the rest of his cigarette, pulling another one out from his pack, lighting it and taking another deep drag before blowing the smoke up into the air.

"Can I tell you something?" He finally said. I nodded, feeling my heart beat faster. That question was always enough to make anyone nervous.
"Of course."
"That night.. in the hotel.." My stomach dropped.
"What about it?"