Always There || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 132: Tonight You're His

My heart jumped as he gave me a gentle smile, motioning towards it.
"Thank you." I mouthed to him. He nodded, his smile growing.
"You're welcome." He mouthed back, instantly bringing his attention back to the rest of the group. Jake was quiet for a moment, his eyes glued to the glass before he slid out of the booth on the opposite side, grabbing his jacket.

"W-where are you going?" I asked. He shrugged, keeping his eyes down as he wrapped it around himself, shoving his hands into his pockets, assuming grabbing the pack of cigarettes that were inside.
"Just need some air." He said simply, heading for the door.
"Do you.. want me to come with you?" I asked. He shook his head.
"No, you.. you stay here, it's okay. It's cold out."

I watched him as he made his way through the bar, keeping his head down before pushing the backdoor open with his body, quickly peeking back at me before going outside. As soon as he heard the door shut, Josh quickly slid over onto my side of the booth.

"Thanks for this." I said, taking a sip. It was nice knowing that at least he had paid attention to me. He nodded, propping his head up onto his hand, practically cornering me off from the rest of the bar.
"It's no problem. I could tell you weren't liking what you had." I shrugged, taking another sip.
"It wasn't too bad."
"You're a bad liar, Jaime." He giggled to himself. I felt my cheeks burn, unable to contain my smile.
"I guess I am."

Josh then peeked over across the bar before moving in closer. I could feel my heart beating faster, wondering what he was thinking. I'm sure, knowing Jake, he wasn't going to be out for too long.
"Liam keeps looking over here." He finally whispered, leaning in close. "And I know if Jake came back and saw him anywhere near you it would get ugly." I nodded, biting down on my lip.

Despite everything, he was still doing all that he could to keep Jake happy.

"I'd also prefer he didn't come over here." I laughed. "He was trying to get me drunk." I instantly noticed the immediate change in Josh's demeanor, his face dropping as his once kind eyes turned into daggers, glaring across the bar. He pushed the fruity drink away from me, moving in closer.
"Well, don't worry. He's not gonna touch you."
"Thank you." I sighed. "Though you know, Jake probably wouldn't like you so close to me either." He shrugged, playfully rolling his eyes.
"You're right, but at least my intentions have always been good."

He was right. Despite everything that has ever happened, over the course of our entire lives, he's always been the one who made sure I was okay, no matter what the situation, no matter what we were.

"I know they have." I sighed, already feeling myself start to get upset, though I'm sure I could blame most of it on the alcohol. "Josh, I'm.. I'm so sor-"
"Hey.." He whispered, shaking his head, giving me a gentle smile. "We don't have to do this. It's okay. I just.. no matter what happens, I always want to make sure you're okay." I held my stare on him, feeling tears come to my eyes. He then gently took my hand, helping me out of my booth and guiding us further away to a more secluded part of the bar. I was thankful, not wanting to have to explain myself to anyone else.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about, Jaime. It's okay." I shook my head, wiping my eyes.
"Yes I do. We.. we were perfect and I ruined everything and-"
"You didn't ruin anything." He said, reaching up, gently running his fingers down my cheek. "You can't help how you feel, and.. you were honest with yourself, you were honest with me and.. I appreciate it. I'd much rather you do whatever you needed to do in order to be happy, rather than stay with me when you didn't think it felt right."

"But we did feel right, we always felt right, I just.. I'm so sorry I pushed you, we never should have moved so fast, I just think.. maybe if we waited-"
"We don't have to talk about the what if's, it's okay." He said softly, gently running his fingers through my hair as he stared back at me with those familiar dazed eyes, those eyes I had spent so many days and nights gazing into, wondering what the future would hold for us, wondering how many more years I'd get with those eyes, that saw me and only me.

It killed me that it felt like they still did.

"I.. I need you to know, I want to go to school. No matter what happens, with the band or.. whatever else, that's something that I want to do for me, and.. I'm gonna try." He nodded, his smile growing.
"I'm glad." He said. "Because it would be a waste for someone like you to spend your life in someone else's shadow, especially when you shine.. so bright, Jaime." I couldn't help but smile, feeling like my heart was about to burst.

He always knew the perfect thing to say to me, and not because he felt like he had to, but like if he didn't it would eat him alive from the inside out, like the words effortlessly spilled from his lips with no sense of urgency or regard for where they landed, just as long as you knew how loved you truly were by him.

And he made me feel so loved.

I reached up for him, gently caressing his face, feeling his cheeks getting warmer from underneath my palms.
"And I really hope you come with me." I said. "You.. you're the one who inspired me to want to do this in the first place, so doing it without you just.. it wouldn't feel right." His smile grew as he leaned in closer.
"Jaime, you don't need me. You've never needed me."
"But that doesn't mean that I don't want you." I said, the words practically falling off my tongue. He stared back at me, his eyes getting wider.

"Jaime, you know I love you-"
"I love you too." I sighed. He bit down on his lip, hesitating for a moment.
"You know I love you, and.. you know it's different than how you love me, so.. you can't.. just say these things to me, not when you know what they mean to me."
"But.. I do love you." I whispered. "You are-"
"Jaime." He said, quick to cut me off. "Whatever you're about to say, I'm sure.. I will be thinking about it forever, where.. you may forget it by morning. That's where we differ. I will be thinking about you for the rest of my life, where.. you only think about me, after you've had too much to drink. Or.. you're sad or.. you need someone to be there for you, which.. I always will be, I have no problem being that for you.. as long as we're on the same page of.. what that means."

"Josh, I.. always think about you." I whispered, avoiding his eyes. "I just.. only have the courage to bring it up when I drink too much." He smirked back at me, shaking his head.
"And I think tonight is one of those nights." He said, carefully tucking my hair behind my ear.
"I'll still mean it tomorrow." I assured him.
"Then.. maybe we'll talk about it tomorrow. But.. tonight, you're his. And I know that. I know that even if.. either of us wanted to.. nothing could happen between us." I nodded, avoiding his eyes again.

Just because I knew I felt like this didn't change the many years of feeling how I felt about Jake. Love wasn't black and white, it was streams of colors, with no rhyme or reason, ranging in extremities and never filling us the same way twice; no two loves existing in the same extent, but both true in their own sense.

"But.. if you want to sleep next to me tonight.. my shoulder is always open for you."