remember when I knew

JAI PRICE

"SO HOW'S IT going with Salvator?" Jai Price's mom asked him as she finished making Sasha's sandwiches. They were all three busy getting a picnic ready for the little girl, who had decided she'd go walk in the forest with Heather. Sasha had already prepared her bug-kit 'to observe and discover all small species of the earth', as the pack said.

"It's going well, I think," Jai shrugged. "I don't know. It feels good, I guess, to talk to someone. But it's still a little weird."

"You'll get used to it," his mother promised.

"Yeah, but I still had an attack at school this week. I don't know..."

She smiled at him reassuringly. "It won't all disappear the second you start seeing someone. It's like walking up a flight of stairs, you do one step at a time."

But what if I just bother everyone with my problems?

The doorbell took away all possibility of going further in the conversation. "THE DOOOOOOR," Sha yelled at them as she finished zipping her bag, not looking up one second.

"Yeah, yeah," Jai rolled his eyes, walking to open it.

Azalea was standing on the other side, looking as determined as she would be if she was getting started for a bloodbath.

"Hi?" He tried, his brows furrowing at her graveness.

"We need to talk," was her response, grabbing his wrist, and dragging him with her in the corridor. She pushed him inside his room, closing the door.

"What's-"

"Nope, I'm gonna talk, and you're not gonna say a word, got it?" She waited for him to nod, and she kept going. "Alright, I'd decided not to say anything, wait for you to get better, and for me to get my shit together, but then you ruined everything, so it's too late for that."

Well this conversation isn't stressing at all...

"I like you," she told him. "Like more than a friend."

Silence.

He blinked.

She blinked.

He blinked again.

"Right, this isn't going exactly like I thought it would," Azalea sighed. "I guess, I needed to tell you that I had feelings for you, that it sucks, that I hate them but they're there. You don't have to feel that way for me, I understand. But, yeah."

Silence.

He blinked.

She blinked.

He blinked again.

She hit his head with his bag that was laying on the floor until then.

"Say something, you bell-end!" She requested, crossing her arms, but he could see in the way she was standing and talking that she was trying to toughen up because she was nervous.

But Jai didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to react. He wasn't ready for this. No one had told him what to do in these situations. Should he- What did he even feel?

This was Azalea. Azalea.

And then, the most ridiculous, pathetic smile appeared on his face. He just couldn't help it, he grinned from ear to ear, letting out a deep breath, and he started laughing.

"Uh... Is that a good sign, or-?"

She stopped talking the second he wrapped his arms around her, hiding his face in her shoulders, still chuckling like he'd gone mad. He didn't know what was happening, he just knew that he was happy, extremely happy.

Also relieved, so damn relieved. Because this was starting to get too much for his poor nerves.

"I have feelings for you too," he told her, when he'd calmed down.

And that's when it hit him. He had feelings for Azalea. He had feelings for Azalea. The joy became terror in a matter of seconds, he like Azalea. Liked liked her.

What if she doesn't actually like you back and discovers it soon enough? What if she's just joking and making fun of you? What if this doesn't work out?

"Jai? Are you alright? Jai. Jai."

He almost didn't hear his voice, too busy thinking about every reason why this was a bad thing. Would it last? What if he wasn't who she thought he was? What if she didn't actually like him? What if they broke up? Were they even a thing? Would they be? Did he really want them to?

"Jai, breathe. Breathe with me,"

He felt her hands on his shoulders, and she started breathing exaggeratedly, and he tried to join in. In and out. In and out. In and out. In and out.

But what if-

Stop.

"Sorry," he apologised when his breathing was calm again. "Sorry."

"Don't be," she smiled at him. "I told you, you don't have to answer now. We don't have to do anything. I just needed you to know. You're- You're amazing, Jai. Really, you need to realise that."

"I don't think I'm ready yet," he murmured. He really wanted to be.

"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere," she promised. "I can wait, we can wait."

And suddenly, the future was a lot less scary.

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