remember when I knew

CHEN AZALEA

 CHEN AZALEA took less than five seconds to react.

Before anyone could, she stood up and followed Jai. She found him on the floor, his back pressed to the wall and his legs glued to his stomach. He was hyperventilating, his body shaken by some sobs.

She sat down next to him. "Jai. Jai, tell me. Tell me what's wrong."

Between two almost-breaths, he dropped: "My throat. Growing. Can't breath."

She bit her lip. Then, she put both her hands on his shoulders, moving in front of him. "Breathe with me."

Azalea took a deep breath.

In. She waited.

And out.

In. She waited.

And out.

In. She waited.

And out.

In her head, she counted each breath.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

"Look at me," she told him, waiting for him to do so. "There is nothing in your throat, okay? Your throat is fine."

He shook his head. "No," his voice broke. "It's inside and it's growing. It stops everything from going in-" He took a sharp breath, "and out."

Gently, she put her fingers on his throat. Her thumbs carefully drew circles on it. She took a deep breath with him again.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

"Look," she whispered. "I'm making the growing thing in your throat disappear."

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

Slowly, his breathing calmed, and soon enough, the sobs stopped as he continued the exercise calmly, a breath it, a breath out, repeat.

"Good," she smiled. "You're doing great."

Jai nodded slightly. His nails were sinking in his wrists. Azalea moved her hands so they softly took his, squeezing them reassuringly in her hold, allowing him to grip her skin instead of his own.

"There's nothing in my throat," Jai whispered. "Nothing in my throat. I'm fine."

"You're fine," she repeated.

That's when she saw them. On his arm. Azalea felt her heart drop. She moved his left sleeve and her fingers brushed against the scars. "When was that?" She asked him. "Jai, when was that?"

He shook his head, tears gliding on his cheeks again.

"Jai," she said, her voice softer. "Jai tell me, please."

"Yesterday night," he just answered.

"Was it the first time?"

"Yes." He hesitate, and then: "It felt good."

Azalea nodded silently. She replaced the sleeve, and moved her arms. One on the back of his neck, the other around his waist. She pushed him against her, and she started drawing small eights on his back. She felt his tears wet her neck and he finally wrapped his arms around her, crying more.

Distract him. She needed to distract him. She had left her phone in class, so she pressed her lips against the locks over his right ear.

"You are right, I'll move on
But my lungs feel so small
I couldn't breathe if I tried
I lay my head on the floor

My beating heart wanted more
But I'll keep it in and keep you out

I'm drowning, I'm drowning
I'm drowning, I'm drowning."

She sang quietly in his caramel hair. As she did, she felt him go silent to listen to Of Monsters And Men's song.

"Hungry for the kill, but this hunger, it isn't you
Voices disappear when you are speaking, in sombre tunes
I will be the wolf and when you're starving, you'll need it too
Hungry for the kill, but this hunger, it isn't you
It isn't you, it isn't."

She continued. His head sank deeper in her neck.

"But in this quiet company
I forget sometimes just how to breathe
Fill my lungs with the sound."

When the song was over, she didn't stop her eights on his back. When the door opened, they separated, and her eyes rose to see Lucas, John, Reece and Aiden observing them.

"Hey man, are you O.K.?" Aiden asked, sitting with them, one arm wrapping around the boy's shoulder.

"We tried to come earlier but Mr. Reich was having a speech about respect in class and he wanted us to absolutely listen to it first," Lucas rolled his eyes. "Old grumpy assh-"

Azalea backed away, and she looked at the four boys trying to cheer up their friend. None of them asked him what it was about. None of them told him he was being over-dramatic. They just made him laugh. They just came to be there for him, whatever issue he could have.

The thought made her smile a little. Then, she left with a single thought.

Maybe, just maybe, there was some hope.

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A/N: Hiya! Hope you're having a good day (as always!).

The lyrics are from the song Hunger (Of Monsters And Men). It's one of my favourite song (and band). Side note: I know I usually listen to songs no one knows.

Question: what's your favourite quote (from a book)?

I'd say it's "Lord, we know what we are but not what we may be."  (Hamlet, Shakespeare).

Biya! (I kinda like this word now.)