remember when I knew

JAI PRICE

TURNS OUT swimming wasn't that bad...

For the first four-hundred meters.

"I'm never moving again," Lucas complained as he pressed his arms together, in an attempt to relax his shoulders.

"This was a chill training, I even got Robert to put us in one team," Aiden rolled his eyes at them, before glancing at Jai. "I thought it could be easier for you if it was only us. Plus, that way the routine is suited for non-swimmers."

It was actually relaxing to know that it was only them, in the pool, in the showers, in the changing room. It felt more familiar, more quiet.

"Do you think it will help?" John wondered at Jai. "You know for... Yeah."

Jai shrugged. "Hard to say. I mean, I just swam one and a half hour once."

"How do you feel, though?" John inquired. "Better? Anxious? You can tell us."

"Honestly? I just feel exhausted."

"I second that," Lucas nodded eagerly. "Can't believe you do more than that usually, Aiden. No wonder you're complete bonkers."

"At least he has a nice back," John pointed out. "What? Swimmers' shoulders are just- Ahrg."

"Right," Aiden lifted a confused brow. "If we could not talk about my back and shoulders please? That'd be great."

"Right, that subject's for you and Frigg alone, don't be such a selfish brat now, we also want your muscles. Frigg won't mind sharing, I'm sure," the twin rolled his eyes.

Aiden snorted. "That just proves you don't know her. She's not the kind to share anything."

They all stopped moving, staring at him in a frozen state. After a minute of silence, Reece elbowed his friend, clearing his throat, and Aiden seemed to realise what he'd implied.

"Not that she would share me," he stammered. "She doesn't have me. Or my muscles. We're not- I hate her. She hates me. We're not- Right."

***

"You look like you've been swimming for almost two hours," Azalea smiled at Jai when he arrived at their spot in the park, handing him his usual ice cream.

"Right," he grinned back, not able to think of any smarter response.

"I was going through ma playlist, and I found a song I thought you might like," Azalea shared, handing him her phone and AirPods.

"What is it?" Jai asked as the music started.

"You'll see."

I don't know where this fear came from, how I became so afraid of losing everyone. Never been afraid of being lonely, now I'm becoming the one I'm most scared of being

I don't know where this fear comes from, this fear of failing fear of letting everyone and myself down. It's growing deep into my soul, making me all paralysed and cold

It's two steps forward, three steps back again, I'll turn my face against it I won't run. 'Cause courage and belief are my redeems, no one else can rescue me it seems.

'Cause if I don't follow my heart this time, I'm gonna forget what this life is all about. I'm gonna take that path I'm going in on my own, I'm gonna take that fear and wear it like a crown.

"It's 'Wear it like a crown' by Rebekka Karijord," Azalea told him. "Do you like it?"

She waited, and when he nodded slowly, she let out a small grin. "It made me think of you," she admitted. "But also of me. You said you were afraid that I was only your friend out of pity. But I needed you to know, that it's not the case."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"I guess... This song is how I feel too. What I'm trying to say, is that we're both a but broken, but we can help each other, push each other in the right direction. Because we know how it feels, and because we know each other. I know the cute Jai that makes me laugh, that I can talk to whenever I want, about songs, about anything, really. And I need you to feel that too."

"I- I don't know what I did to deserve you," Jai whispered to her.

"And I don't know what I did to deserve you. But maybe we can figure it out together?"

She took his hand slowly, watching his reaction. And to show her it didn't bother him, he squeezed her back. His heart was beating furiously in his chest, but maybe he could get used to that.

She walked him to the school's psychiatrist, and when the got to the waiting room, she smiled one last time, and whispered goodbye.

Jai waited on the chair, his eyes trailing on the painting on the wall –a weird painting, by the way– and almost had a heart attack when he jumped because of the door opening.

A dark-haired boy walked out quickly without a word, he just turned around at the last second, by the door, to say to Salvator with satisfaction: "See you next Monday."

The psychiatrist only sighed, almost rolling his eyes, and he turned to Jai with a smile. "Come on in."

One step at the time.

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