remember when I knew

CHEN AZALEA

What a beautiful day (hey hey)
I'm the king of all time
And nothing is impossible
In my all powerful mind

CHEN AZALEA stared at her mother in silence. She wasn't even mad anymore, she wasn't sad either –she'd stopped being sad a few years ago. She was just emotionless as she stood there, staring blankly at the woman who gave her birth.

"Are you serious right now?" Was her first question.

Cherry nodded, frowning, like she didn't see how it wasn't good news. She never saw it, that was the problem. "I thought it was a good surprise. Why do you seem so... unhappy?"

Azalea shook her head slowly, trying to clear her mind. "No. It's great. Really. I just didn't really think you cared," she deadpanned, since obviously some people here were too dense to make it out by their own.

Cherry, her mother Cherry, was actually trying this time. She actually wanted to be there and spend time with her. It suddenly wasn't just an empty promise, or some fake words.

Cherry smiled. "I do care. I just never had time to prove it. But I did write you a lot of letters. I wonder where they are now..."

She probably didn't try the lake.

Was on the fifth of November, when time it went back
Some say that's impossible, but you and I would never look back
And wasn't it incredible, so beautiful and above all
Just to see the fuse get lit this time
To light a real bonfire, for all time

"What's that song?" Cherry asked, trying to make some chit-chat awkwardly. The few conversations they had were always awkward: they never knew what to tell each other.

"What a beautiful day. The Levellers," Azalea sighed. The fact that she had to tell her that just showed how much they never spoke. If they did, Cherry would've known every single detail about every good song –or bad one– that her daughter listened to. But she didn't.

"Oh," she nodded slowly, some familiarity washing over her face, with a shade of melancholy. "Your father loved that band."

"I know."

They were quiet a moment. Though The Levellers filled the holes.

And what a beautiful day (hey hey)
I'm the king of all time
And nothing is impossible
In my all powerful mind

"Let's go, then," Cherry decided, grabbing her purse.

I was drinking in my night club
It felt good to be back
When Hepburn said "I love you"
And Flyn said, "Make mine a double, Jack"

"Coming. What film are we watching?"

"A news story about Arlit. I already saw it once and it's really good."

Then we planned the revolution
To make things better for all time
And when the Guevara said "That's crazy"
And ordered up a bottle of wine

Apparently, the cinema was a good idea. They didn't have to talk. Didn't have to suffer through the awkward silence. And the film wasn't even that bad, just a little bit depressing.

She'd realized that selfless actions didn't exist. People were nice so they could get something from it. So people like them, agree with them, help them. Or to go to heaven. Get 'good points'. But when there was no choice but to chose you or the others? Humans always chose the first offer. Because they only cared about their little person. That was why humans couldn't have a good society.

As they were walking back home, she kept her eyes on the trees, decided not to try to talk to Cherry. She watched the leaves instead, remembering that she'd read some facts about trees, that made her believe that perhaps they were more capable of forming a selfless society than humans were.

She waved those thoughts away and decided to just have a good night without thinking about that.

"Cherry?" She could tell that the adult was still sad not to be 'mum' yet. But she had to deserve that title. "What would you do if you knew your friend self-harmed?"

Cherry seemed surprised but she answered. "I'd talk about it with them. I think avoiding the subject isn't the right thing to do. Maybe ask them why? To feel something? To erase the pain? And then, I'd use the answer to help them get better."

"Should I tell my friend's parents?"

"It's a tough choice. If you do, you'll lose that friend's trust. But if you don't, no adult will know. Maybe you should try to make them tell their parents? But remember, you can't force someone to just stop. If they're self-harming, there's a reason. And it's not going to just go away."

"Alright. How do you make people happy?"

She frowned, thinking about it for a few seconds. "Depends. What makes you happy?"

"Music."

"Why?"

Because it reminded her of her father, probably. Azalea didn't have many memories of him, but she could still remember clearly those afternoons they'd shared, dancing and singing over the music. He was the man to wear band t-shirts at all times, having posters on every inch of wall there was free, collecting CDs or vinyls like they were gold.

Cherry seemed to guess that. and she continued. "Memories. You need to create good memories. That friend will associate them with activities or places, and feel good in the future too."

"Sure," Azalea nodded nonchalantly.

"Are you self-harming?" Azalea shook her head. "Is one of your friends self-harming?" Cherry added, looking worried. She shrugged. It was none of her business. "You have to tell someone about it, though, understand?"

She knew she should, but it felt like she had to talk about it with him first. She had seen some scars once, she didn't want to badly interpret what was happening. Maybe it was a one time thing? Could it be a one time thing, however? She knew she was hoping it was.

She didn't want him to feel that way. She was hoping he wasn't. Happy memories. She needed to find good memories. And it'd help Jai.