Can't cry.

Monster

I don't remember what happened after that, but that story was too much for everyone in the room and it was mutually understandable to all us, without saying a word, that the story could be continued later.

Felix stayed back to talk to King and Queen and Lovis escorted me back to my room, eying me constantly. Probably because he just found out that I am a result of a pathetic deal.

But I was too overwhelmed to even care. How could they-

You know what. Forget it. F-it. I don't give a heck. They ruined me and I don't care.
But look at me. Is this the reason I crave power? Because my parents made me a beast?

Am I even me? Or this is just some form of energy that has taken my body as it's own?

Am I a monster?

I need to stop thinking like that. But I do have more details of all this mess that the King shared at dinner (even though nobody had much appetite) and Felix has promised he'll come and talk to me once he is done talking to the king.

The king told me a number of things, and yet he still said there is a fair amount of things that he will tell me slowly.

But for me, the biggest question is, why is he telling that to me?
I mean, yeah i know that it affects me. All of this is about me and it is the most important bit of information I have received about my past, yet, I still feel that there is some motive behind all this information beyond the fact that I must have knowledge about who I am.

I believe that King Darius is biding his time so that he can tell me what he actually wants me to do.

I mean, there must be a solution to this God forsaken problem.

I can't live my whole life with messed up emotions and panic attacks!

You know what else he told me? That there are three 'hooded figures' who never tell people their identity, but have mastered dark magic arts and magic. My parents went to them, made a deal with them that my tears will be the payment of the powers that I have.

'This is the reason you have elemental powers, and the fact that you were so fast to catch up with all of the students, even leaving behind most of them. You have unnatural powers. Powers that, maybe, were never meant to be yours.' King Darius explained, a glass of wine twirling in his hand.

'I don't want further discussion about this topic in the dining hall.' The Queen interjected, her gaze at the King. 'You have said enough. Give her some time to untangle these shambles of information that you are forcing on her.'

'But, your majesty-'

'Call me aunt Marilla, please love.' She gently smiled.

'Aunt Marilla, I really do want to know what happened. I really do want to understand what my parents wanted me to achieve, and who were those hooded figures and the ......the purpose of all this.'

I want to know why I was left in a whole another universe, why and how my parents died, why do people stare at me, why am I famous, why specifically my tears were chosen to be traded and...what am I supposed to do now?
But of course I didn't say all that.

'Aesira. I want you to please have some rest before you hear the rest of the story.' Felix, who hadn't said anything during the whole dinner, said.

I wanted to ask him if he knew about all this..drama, but I pressed my lips together, and nodded at him,
If there was one person I would always listen to, it would be Felix.

'I believe you are right. I got carried away. I....' King Darius sighed.

'It is perfectly fine your majesty, I understand. It is too overwhelming for everyone in this room anyway. May I inquire about one last thing? Why is this trading bad. I am aware that it is dark magic, and it shouldn't be meddled with...but apart from that..'

'It is common knowledge Auclair, that the hooded figures aren't honest. They will certainly not stop at just your tears. Slowly but surely they will take control of many things. Your emotions, your mind, your actions and then your body.' It was Lovis who explained this.

I looked at him shocked.

'Have you been experiencing anything like this?' Felix asked, with great urgency in his voice.

'I don't know. I do feel...weird at times, but I assume it's nothing.' I sigh, leaning back.

Felix, who was sitting on my right, looked at me, brows furrowed.

'Do you...' Lovis started hesitantly, 'Do you ever feel different emotions at places and times that don't suit them? Like angry suddenly at four in the morning or just all in all weird?'

I looked at him and nodded, not trusting myself to sleep.

'God....' Aunt Marilla gasped.

At that moment I knew, I knew I was a monster in making.