Can't cry.

Dark Humour

This part of the story has been continued from the writings of Miss Aesira Cirillo Auclair, written in the infamous Brown Journal.

It has been quite a week, I must confess.
The etiquette class was not that bad. Just a bit stressful, with all those formalities.
Lovis and Chantelle were ever so..... good at that stuff.
I mean, I wasn't bad either. But still.
Right now, I am waiting for Lovis in the training hall, who is supposed to guide me how to start with my elemental controlling stuff.
I was wondering which element I could have.
Water.
That could be a possibility. Maybe that's why it calms me so much.
Maybe.

*sigh*. *Deep sigh*.

I am so exhausted.
Ever so exhausted.
I want to cry so bad at the moment, but I can't even seem to manage a sob, let alone tears.
What is wrong with me? Why are my emotions so..messed up?
I have to go. Lovis is here and is giving me a weird stare.

Guess what my element is? It's water! And Air!
I can finally say that dear conscience, remember when you said I wouldn't be able to take on the storm?
Well, I am the storm.

'So, Auclair, are you ready to find out which elements you posses?' Lovis asks, offering me a hand, as I was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the training hall.
Embarrassing.
'I believe, yes. I am.' I reply, ignoring his hand and getting up.
'Well... then you must trust me. Do you?' He asks.
'I don't.' I reply.
'Good.' He chuckles.

Guy has got his words in place.

'Miss Auclair, I would like you to kindly sit on that bench over there. So if anyone comes they won't be able to see us directly.' He indicates to the far corner of the room.

Then he goes on to perform a spell that makes it impossible for the people outside to hear us.

'I am telling you all the steps, because you don't trust me.' He carefully pointed out.
Charming young gentleman.

'It feels like we are performing some kind of satanic ritual.' I remark.

'You see like a person who would do just that.' He shakes his head, giving me a fake laugh.

'I do. Every month for a week, these rituals also include blood sacrifices. It's quite painful.' I
say.
He gives me an odd look.

'It's okay, not everyone is up to my level of humour.' I reassure him.

'You mean your level of dark humour.'

I then settle myself at the bench and wait for his further instructions.
'I must give you a fair warning, it will be quite painful.' He frowns, a pitying look gracing his features again.
I felt quite angry all of a sudden.

'Listen hear Mr Lovis, I don't need anyones pity. I know pain. It's not a feeling I am unfamiliar with.' I snap at him.

He looked quite taken aback.
'Ahem. Of course.' He says.

I suddenly feel bad for what I just did, and make up my mind to apologise.
'Now, I want you to close your eyes, and hold out your palms in front of you. I will place dirt on one hand, and a few drops of water on the other... '
And he did just that.
'Forget everything. Just go blank. Picture a white wall, ocean, distorted television screen.. anything. But don't let anything else dominate your mind.' He rants on.
'It's okay if you can't do it now, this may take a few turn-'
But that's the last I heard before I went blank, blocking anything that could interrupt me from my bliss.
I tried not to squirm, my old restlessness settling back inside of me. I could feel myself frown.
Then, as if right on cue, my left palm, which contained droplets of water, began to grow cold and hot at the same time.
That's all I remember before Lovis woke me up.

'Water it is then.' These were the first he said.
Then he did everything the second time, this time it was more painful.
He told me to hold my one hand out, which was empty.
'For air.' He had said.
And the my other hand, the left one, was burnt.
It was important to 'recreate the element of fire'.
You could have placed a candle in your hand.
'It's going to hurt okay.' Lovis said, frowning yet still.
'I know, just get it over with.' I replied, though my heart was beating.
It took every ounce of energy in me not to scream at the burn, instead I just hissed in pain.
I heard Lovis mutter under his breath as he tried to lessen my pain by applying some green paste on it, which sent coldness right to my heart.
I couldn't help but sigh in relief.
'I am sorry. You better hurry up now. Try to.....ignore the pain?' It came more of a question than a statement.
And then I got air.
'That was expected.' I heard him utter when I opened my eyes for the second time.
'Air?' I asked.
'Air.' He confirmed. 'Come on now, I must take you up to the nurse to have a look at it. Don't answer his questions, i will make up an excuse.' He grabbed my hand, helping me up and guiding towards the door.
I shook free of his grip, but said nothing and silently followed him as he made his way up to the nurse's office.
'What have we got here?' The male nurse smiles at both of us as we enter his office.

Everyone! I might not be able to post anything in a while.
Every time I try to organise an uploading schedule, family issues come up.
I am sorry.
ARD