Can't cry.

Catching up

After the last entry, I must confess that I have been extremely busy.
I, being extremely late, have a lot to catch up with. And trust me when I say this, I worked excessively hard these past two weeks.
I think I owe my imaginary audience a brief recap. Please bear with me, because I know you all find this as boring to read as I find it boring to write.
If you enter my room, which by the way looks like a royal room due to its beauty and size, you will find books everywhere.
Everywhere.
And theses books aren't story books, they are course academic books which I have been studying as much as I can.
I have been spending my time in three major places. The training hall, the library and my room, taking occasional food breaks in the kitchen with Mary and the other two.
I have turned into Hermione, learning mostly from books, not from the Trainees.
The trainees are doing their best though, giving me extra training whenever they can just so I can join the fifteen to sixteen year old's group. And I think they all are really impressed by my ability to catch up with them. I mean, that all that I am doing, reading then practicing, reading then practicing and the cycle goes on.
And now, as I have covered most of the things, I have free time. So before I got on with the writing, I decided to call my family because I haven't talked to them since I got here.
Probably because of my sudden resentment towards them, or because of the fact that I finally found a place that I was not bounded by them.
I have Felix now. And he loves me and... I think I love him too.
He has briefly visited me twice in two weeks and both of the times, he had a present for me with him.
One was a silver bracelet in a Jade green box. It had a beautiful and small Jade stone in the middle of it, with tiny diamond like stones around it. Simple and classy. I immediately fell in love with it.
The second time he visited, he brought clothes with him. Two shirts, both oversized, and several pairs of trousers.
Though he told me none of them were as special as my birthday present. And I must say, I agree.
'You told me you had a very important job and you are extremely busy. I don't think you are that busy.' I teased him.
'Oh trust me, I am really busy. These visits are going to get rarer from now on, little bug.' He laughed.
The trainees were giving him positive reports of my studies, making him proud as I was carrying the 'Auclair name's reputation'.
Trust me when I say this, I won't think twice about ruining that reputation, But I want them to feel hurtful the same way I felt hurtful. I want to gain their trust and then shatter it as brutally as I can.
I want to see their tears, because I can't see mine.
I need to be careful with Felix, specially now that I am getting attached to him. Either I will have to include him in my plan, or convince him not to stop me.
Because there is no way I am going back now. No way I will suddenly accept these people.
They could have helped me, couldn't they? They could have given me a sign. But instead, they watched me cry.
Recruited me late.
Too late.

'Aesira! Where are you running off to?' Mary's voice interrupted me.
I look back and say.
'I really need to get going Mary, no breakfast for me today.'
'You didn't even finish your milk last night.' Mary furrowed her eyebrows.
Mary leaves a glass of milk for the three of us every night. It's like a ritual for us.
'Oh! I am so sorry. I got busy and you know the rest.' I apologise.
'At least have a bit of toast.' Mary insists.
'I promise I will have a heavy lunch.' I promise her.
She sighs and goes back in the kitchen. So I make my way towards the library, my shoulders sagging because of the sheer mass of the books in my bag.
Or weight.
I know the difference but that's not the point.
Most of the time the library is empty because this is not a school. It's a training centre. You come here to train, not to study about history.
Except me, of course. I tend to be the odd one out.
I believe that the answers to the future lies in the past.
So, I study the history of this place as much as I can.
Anyway, today the library seems a bit... full. There are like ten to twenty students.
I halt in my steps as I see so many students and this early too. The classes won't start till an hour.
I then quickly go inside and put all the books back on their places, getting a few stares from here and there.
It's a normal Tuesday for me now.
'Auclair!' A voice behind me calls.
I turn to find myself facing a blonde girl.
'Yes?' I politely ask.
'I have been asked to give you this.' The girl handed me an envelope.
'Ok. Thank you.' I say to her, leaving the library and heading towards the training hall.
Once I reach the deserted hall, I set myself on the bench, and open the letter.

Little Bug,
.....
Felix? Why did he send us a letter?
I'll tell you once I finish reading it.

Hey non existent peeps!
I'll vanish for a long time after this, school has reopened. But I'll be back.
ARD.