Can't cry.

Music

Do you ever get a little bit tired of life,
Like you are not really happy but you don't wanna die,
Like you are hanging by a thread but you gotta survive,
Cause you gotta survive......(1)
You know that there is a phase in your teenage years, that you get addicted to music. Well, my phase has been going on since I was thirteen and it's still full on high.
That's all that is left on my Pinterest boards, musical pins.

Oh yes, I was supposed to continue after my fall in the last entry.... Yes.
Apparently, I fainted from because of emotional stress. My brain has become a very dainty little thing, need to fix that. I was found blacked out on the floor with my poor iPad.
My parents took me to the nearest hospital and well.. I have been told I am getting overwhelmed constantly because of something and I need to stop that.
'What is causing you that Emma?' My mother had softly proceeded to question me, the diary out of her mind for now.
'Probably.. exam results mum.' I replied quietly. Good thing that results are near.
'Oh.. well you don't need to worry about that, I am sure you'll do fine.' My father assured me.
I nodded my head, cutting the conversation short.

So here I am on my bed, strictly not allowed to think about anything that can cause stress. My parents are kind of scared, you know "children are not supposed to get anxiety, that's an adult thing".
I am not depressed or anxious, I promise. Just... overwhelmed.
Maybe a bit of sleep can help me clear my head. I think that this sudden removal of a part of my life that I have been holding for so long feels like someone you loved a lot died when they were perfectly healthy, in an accident. And you died with them.
Well, old me died with them. The new me is perfectly fine, or will be anyway. Just give it a few days.
The good thing from this medical attack is that I don't have to go to the school tomorrow. And tuition too. Hell, luck is on my side.
Grinning like a fool, I closed my eyes and went to sleep, no imaginary scenarios now.

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I could hear the deathly growls of people behind me, as they called out my name.
I saw lightning strike the ground in front of me, causing me to halt back. It's sound making my heart beat faster.
Run. Run. Run..
They started chanting, coming closer and closer. I looked everywhere hoping to find a way out. Suddenly walls appeared on all four sides of me, causing the voices to vanish.
The walls caved in, coming closer and closer. I tried to scream but my breath was hitched in my throat. Closer and closer......

I woke up with a halt, panting heavily. Ok, sleeping was a bad idea. Really bad.
The dream was vivid in my mind, my heart gripped with fear. Panting heavily, I glanced at the wall clock. It was 9pm. I jumped right out of bed, at that point my own bed was scaring me.
The bedroom door opened to reveal my mom, calling me for dinner.
'How are you feeling?' She gently asked me.
'I'm fine.' I replied.
In the past I had always been very attention seeking. Not to an extent, just teenage adrenaline kicking in.
She looked over me, a worried expression stuck on her face.
'Seriously mum.' I assured her. 'Come on, let's eat.'
She nodded, following me out of my room.

I am currently in bed, its 3am and I am trying to debate with myself to get myself some sleep.
You are going to have nightmares.
It was just a freaking dream. Come on!
You know it was different.
I am just...adapting to changes.
Considered. But you are not sleeping.
Fine! Ugh!
Conscience 1, you 0.
Hahaha.
Losing to myself sucks.
I got up from my bed, taking my iPad and headphones.
I laid down on the floor, my eyes closed and music playing in my ears.
It really helps me to be...temporarily free.
So, a big toast to Music.

Author's Note:
Hello once again!
My dear non-existent readers, how are you all?
Ok,ok awkward talk aside, I just want to say that the lyrics and the song has been fully credited to the singer Em Biehold. This song is lovely, check it out please. You'll will surely relate.
Keep reading (writing)
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Glossary
Song lyrics: this song is 'Numb Little Bug' by Em Beihold. It's lovely and you can listen to it as I have attached the video above.