The Breaking ➝ Isaac Lahey

Chapter Eighty-Nine

Aspen dropped her eyes to her lap, pulling her bottom lip between her tip, She felt her skin peel slightly. "Yeah, Stiles and I aren't exactly seeing eye to eye right now."

Stiles brought her lunch every day with Scott. They updated her on stuff she usually didn't care about but appeased them nonetheless. She was just happy to see Scott's smile again. She couldn't get the image out of her head of him crying. One night, Stiles brought her ice cream and told her his dad got his job back. He said, "If all it took was for that pervert to die, I would have done it myself." He hated Matt, understandably so, and Aspen hated that she defended him so fast. He took illegal photos of her and even photoshopped ones of them together on his computer. Stiles was furious but never raised his voice at Aspen. Hearing of her "death" broke something in him and it came out in waves. Scott couldn't move until more gunshots forced him away from Aspen's body.

When the paramedics went inside to receive her body, she was gone. Someone had taken her to the hospital.

"What do you feel? Or I guess, how do you feel about what happened?" Ms. Morell asked.

Aspen finally looked at the counselor, brown eyes filled with nothing. No emotion. Just utter stillness that scared Aspen. "I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness--the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible's about to happen."

"It's called hypervigilance," Morell replied. Aspen was grateful for the input. It let Aspen rest her voice. "The persistent feeling of being under threat."

"It's not just a feeling though," Aspen murmured, shaking her head. Her voice was so feeble, that she was surprised Morell could even hear her. Flesh memories of the blood flashed in her mind. Her lungs collapsed in on themselves until she felt them shrivel. "I couldn't breathe..."

"Like you were drowning." she inquired, but it sounded like a statement.

Aspen licked her lips and tasted blood. She adjusted herself in her seat again and met Ms. Morell's gaze. "I won't excuse what Matt did," Aspen said, finding the strength in her voice again, if only for a moment. "There is no excuse. But I can't sit here and act like a part of me doesn't feel for him. It's not in me to hate anyone even after what he did---I don't even know why. It's like I know I owe it to all the lives he's taken to hate him and be glad he's dead. But--" Aspen's voice trembled and she sat forward. She let Ms. Morell see her eyes water, but also let her see the steel in them as well. It's something she's been thinking about for the past two weeks. It's what she fears she will become in just a few days. A killer rooted in deep emotion. "Matt was reliving the worst moment of his life every day. Stuck in a loop that he couldn't stop until he found a way. And it worked. So he kept doing it because finally, he could run away from the nightmare. No matter the cost. Because why should he care at the expense it takes to finally--finally make the voices stop?"

Aspen felt drained. It's the most she's said in days in one breath. A breath she thought she would never get back after she died. Ms. Morell hummed and something in her eyes gave away her surprise. She clicked her pen against her notebook, no longer taking notes. "You feel too deeply, Aspen. You let it cloud your judgment but you also let it guide your heart and actions. Your emotions weigh you down."

"But I feel like if I don't feel so much, there's gonna come to a point where I don't feel at all." Aspen's words came out weaker than she expected. She was referring to the Veata Moon. She doesn't know what will take over her body at that moment, but her emotions are all that will bring her back. That piece of her outweighed anything else.

Aspen didn't anticipate Ms. Morell's eyes to widen at that as if she was fully aware of what Aspen was referring to. " I assure you if that time were to ever come, Aspen, you will have to let your loved one carry the weight for you. At the end of the day, they'll be the ones to bring you back to who you are and who you will become."