Motivation of Memories: The Second Book of the Labors of Love Series

The Voices

"This is fine." I know he wants to celebrate and make tonight special but I don't need that. All I need is some quality time with him.

We spend the rest of the night together, singing, laughing, talking. For dinner we decide on take out. He has a taste for fried rice so we get Chinese food.

"Open your fortune cookie!" I say shoving the cookie in his face.

"Let's do it together."

"Okay." He takes the fortune cookie out of my hand and I pick up another one. The room fills with the sound of crinkling plastic as we unwrap them. I break my cookie in half and hold up the ti y strip of paper. "You're about to embark on a great journey" He breaks the cookie and hands me the pieces. I eat them while he looks over his fortune. "What does it say?"

"A new romance is on the horizon." He smirks putting the piece of paper on his plate.

"Whoever she is I hope she knows she's a lucky girl."

"I've already met her. She this pretty little thang with chocolate skin and amber eyes."

"Is she taller than me?" I ask sarcastically squinting. We share a laugh before retiring to his room and I am once again in my happiest place. Wrapped in his arms I feel safe. It'll be hard to leave this bed in the morning knowing I won't be able to share this space with him for two and a half weeks.

I look at him and his tired eyes warm my heart. He's one of those people that's always on the move but these moments we share wrapped in blankets bring us both peace. It's a time for us to separate ourselves from work and friends and family and just be together. I could lay with him for hours and we wouldn't even need to talk. We could just let our minds and bodies rest easily in each other's presence.

"Goodnight, Peanut Butter." I say kissing him sweetly. His grip on me tightens as he smiles with closed eyes.

"Goodnight, Chocolate Drop."

_____

When we wake up the next morning I try not to make a fuss. We eat breakfast, take showers, and get dressed, but my doubts are starting to creep back in. Prince got a phone call and told me to grab my bags. He'll meet me downstairs when he's finished. My head feels foggy as I stumble through the house with my suitcase. You're not gonna make it out there. She's not going to like it. They'll never be able to learn it. They won't understand you. It won't look right. The video will be bad and it'll be your fault. She's going to fire you. You'll never work in this industry again. My heart begins to beat out of my chest and the walls feel like they're caving in. I put my hand on the wall and try to catch my breath but my lungs feel like they're on fire. You're not gonna make it out there. She's not going to like it. They'll never be able to learn it. They won't understand you. It won't look right. The video will be bad and it'll be your fault. She's going to fire you. You'll never work in this industry again. I fall to my knees and try to stand up but im crushed under the weight of my thoughts. I put my back against the nearest wall. I try to catch my breath but there's no air where I am. Wherever I am. Where am I? You're not gonna make it out there. She's not going to like it. They'll never be able to learn it. They won't understand you. It won't look right. The video will be bad and it'll be your fault. She's going to fire you. You'll never work in this industry again. I cover my ears as my thoughts seem to echo off the walls. I just wish it would stop. A new sound joins the cacophony of words and heartbeats but it can't break through. The cloud in my head is too thick and the sounds disintegrate among the rest of the noise. You're not gonna make it out there. She's not going to like it. They'll never be able to learn it. They won't understand you. It won't look right. The video will be bad and it'll be your fault. She's going to fire you. You'll never work in this industry again. A tap on the shoulder send me flying through space and back to reality. My eyes shoot open and I take a look around me. I'm in the downstairs hallway to my left is all my luggage and to my right is a very concerned Ronnie.

"Miss Genevieve? Miss Genevieve, are you alright?" I rub my temples trying to ease the headache I feel coming on.

"Help...help me up, please." I my arm shakes violently as I reach for his hand. He pulls me up but my body is still weak. I fall into his arms and he catches me. You're not gonna make it out there. She's not going to like it. They'll never be able to learn it. They won't understand you. It won't look right. The video will be bad and it'll be your fault. She's going to fire you. You'll never work in this industry again.

"Do you need something? Do you want me to get the boss?"

"N-no. I just... I need some water." He keeps his arm around me as we walk through the corridor. He helps me into a chair at the dining room table and goes and gets me some water. I watch him fill a cup to the top with ice and pour water in it from the pitcher in the refrigerator. You're not gonna make it out there. She's not going to like it. They'll never be able to learn it. They won't understand you. It won't look right. The video will be bad and it'll be your fault. She's going to fire you. You'll never work in this industry again.

"Hey, you ready to.. What's wrong?" Prince asks walking in. Ronnie looks at me and I shoot him a look as he puts the glass on the table. My eyes beg him not to say anything. He nods and just slips away.

"I-I was dehydrated and got a little dizzy. I'll be okay. I just have a little headache." I take a long sip of water and let it cool me down before finishing the glass.

"Do you want your Tylenol?" He asks sitting beside me. I shake my head and open my arms to him. He hugs me, keeping me close for a long while. He rubs my back gently and I can feel it all fading away. That warm feeling radiates through me dissolving my aggressive inner monologue. Every doubt, every sadness, every piece of uncertainty, gone.

"I'm ready." I sigh into his ear as I slowly release him.  He holds my as we walk to the car. Ronnie is driving so we don't cause a scene. Prince has been getting noticed and the busy airport doesn't need anymore commotion. The ride is quiet. I'm too embarrassed by how Ronnie found me. I can only imagine what I looked like.

It hasn't been that way in a very long time. The last time I remember having a moment like that was when I was 16 some time after the incident. It happened a few times that year as I fought through those memories. Luckily, they only ever happened at home and Baba was always the one to find me. Even at 16, he would pick me up and sit me in his lap. I would rest my head on his shoulder and just breathe while he watched game shows.

When the car stops, I snap out of my thoughts and feel a familiar gaze on me. I look at Prince and smile. I kiss his cheek softly and he smiles.

"I think you can do better than that." He turns his head and kisses me and its as if the kiss is telling me it's going to be okay. "I'm gonna miss you, mama."

"I'm going to miss you too."

"Call me when you get in, okay?"

"Okay." I get out of the car but he pulls me back kissing me one last time.

"You've got this."

"I know."