Dancing with Stray Kids | Kim Seungmin

Chapter 19

10th July (a week later)

Seungmin PoV.

We were in a car on the way to the airport right now. We would fly to Japan to promote our new album and have a few interviews there.

On one hand I was looking forward to this trip but on the other hand we will be with the close staff members almost 24/7. Since Amy's birthday I had tried to keep a little distance between us, to not hurt my heart furthermore.

I still talked to her but I tried to keep it about work. She seemed sad about it, making me want to just pull her into a hug but I knew I couldn't. My heart had to heal not fall further for her. I didn't want to cut her off completely but I would need some time to go back to normal.

I had talked to Chan about it and he advised me to talk to her but the last thing I needed was her telling me that she got back together with Noah.

"We are here, Seungmin. You okay?" Felix beside me asked. "Just in thoughts" I replied and climbed out of the car. Outside I saw a lot of reporters and fans and I was overwhelmed by the noise for a moment.

The members gathered around and together with our managers we entered the airport. The fans and reporters crowded us from all sides and we had troubles getting through.

At one point we needed to stop for a moment and I took the chance to look around. I didn't want to admit but unconsciously I was searching for Amy. I spotted her not too far away although she was wearing a mask and a cap.

There was one thing troubling me: She was trembling and for the short moment I locked eyes with her, I could see the panic in them. She was having an anxiety attack and I knew her doubts about herself would make that even worse.

I saw a different female staff coming towards her and leading her through the crowd as we started moving again. I kept my eyes on her and noticed she wasn't really getting better. I just wanted to go over and calm her down but I knew I couldn't. Not only the fans and reporters were an issue but also the way I treated her this week.

We finally reached our private waiting room and I spotted Amy in the corner with Han and Minho next to her. My hands were literally shaking from holding back from going to her.

In that moment Minho turned around and saw me staring at them. He waved me over and a push into my back made me walk over. I looked behind to see Chan standing there but he quickly turned around again and left.

"Are you okay?" I asked Amy cautiously when I arrived. "I am obviously not but why would you care? I'm just a staff member to you, right?" I heard the hurting in her voice and I immediately felt guilty. I pushed her away, not noticing how much I needed her beside me. Even when I told myself to stay away from her, seeing her like this makes me want to protect her from everything. I think my crush on her evolved to feelings of love but I would never tell that anyone.

It didn't matter either way.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you the past week. There has been a lot on my mind and I know that's not an excuse but just know that I am sorry." I said stepping closer while Minsung slowly backed away.

"Why? Why now?" She mumbled and I started my best explanation: "I don't know myself, it's just that-"
"That's not what I meant. Why is my anxiety coming back now? I had it perfectly under control. If I can't do things like that, JYP might fire me. I thought I had it under control."

I noticed the tears in her eyes and now definitely nothing stopped me from pulling her into a hug. "You are still doing good. In situations like this it is totally normal. Please don't blame yourself. You are working hard, and that's enough!"
I just let her cry silently on my shoulder until we were called to enter the airplane.