Always There || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 30: What If

He made me feel shiny and new and.. perfect.

And that's when everything changed.
I flipped back to my most recent entry.

For dinner, he brought us to my favorite restaurant. I love how he remembers little things about me, always understanding that the little things are the big things. And then after, we went on a walk through the park, and he brought me down to the gazebo on the water, the one I spent so many afternoons in alone, wondering what it would be like to finally have my own someone, and then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I don't think I've ever been so happy.

And then I heard my phone vibrate again.

Jake: One day I'll be brave enough to tell yo

My stomach dropped.
Brave enough to tell me? Tell me what?
I'm sure it was nothing.
Probably meant for Cait.

Jaime: to tell me what?
Jake: sorry, didn't mean to send here, just writing lyrics.

I always loved Jake's writing. He kept it secret most of the time, but occasionally he'd let me glance over at his notebook during their practices, pretending like he didn't see that I was reading. He used to let me read his stuff all the time growing up, but as time went on, he became much more private with his stuff. Sometimes I wished we could go back to how we used to be, especially now with Josh and I being together, I wanted to be close with him again too.

Jaime: they sound sad. anything you want to talk about?
Jake: maybe one day.
Jaime: okay, whenever you're ready, i'm here for you too xo

He was quiet again for a minute, his text bubble constantly disappearing.

Jake: thank you, jaime <3

I felt my heart jump.
A heart?
He had never sent me a heart before.

Jaime: I'd love to see some of the new stuff you've written, if you're comfortable showing me. I miss hearing you play for me.

I'm sure he'd just assume I meant hearing all of them play, but I always loved those moments out in their yard when he would just play for me. He was a different Jake when he was alone with me, and I missed that Jake.. so much.

One night when Josh decided to stay inside and edit what he had shot that day, Jake asked if I wanted to come and sit with him while he ran through some of the new stuff he had been working on. I always remembered thinking that I was so lucky to get to be the first one to hear what they wrote, knowing one day there would be millions of girls wishing they could be in my shoes.

I still felt like it was going to happen for them.
One day.

I lied down in the grass next to him while he leaned up against the tree, playing me a song I had never heard before, silently singing to himself. I couldn't help but smile. He had never really sung in front of me before, not like this. I stayed quiet, not wanting him to second guess himself. I loved his voice. It was deeper than Josh's, so much softer, almost haunting.

Sad, but beautiful.
Just like him.

And all you never say is that you love me so
all I'll never know is if you want me, oh
if only I could look into your mind
maybe then I'd find a sign
of all I want to hear you say to me

"What inspires you?" I asked, peeking up at him as a subtle smile spread across his lips. He shrugged.
"All kinds of stuff." He said simply, finally looking back at me. "The melody comes more naturally to me, it's the lyrics that are hard."
"Well, you could've fooled me. You make it look so easy." His smile grew, his cheeks burning red.
"Thank you." He muttered shyly, now avoiding my eyes. I knew that compliments made him uncomfortable but he needed to hear them sometimes too.

Jake: I'll play for you whenever you want.

Then I noticed the room in Josh's bedroom switch on. I felt my heart beat faster as I saw him look over, flashing me a wide grin, rolling over to his window, giving me a gentle wave. I closed out of my texts, instantly calling him. He looked down at his phone, giving me a questioning look.
"You?" He mouthed over to me. I nodded.

"Funny seeing you here." He laughed.
"I was just thinking the same thing."
"So, how was your night. You're up late. Must have been pretty good."

Pretty good was an understatement.
I wish I could relive this night over and over, but knowing him, every night we were together would be just as magical as the next. I never felt better than when I was with him, and now that he was finally mine, I had every day with him to look forward to.

"Oh, it was amazing. I went out with the cutest boy, he was so sweet. I can't wait to see him again."
"Well, I'm sure he feels the same about you." He sighed. My heart jumped again, my face now hurting from smiling so big. If I had known all those years of waiting for the perfect guy would lead me to how I felt right now, I would have never worried.

"You really think so?" I asked, now leaning up against the window sill. I hated how we were so close but still felt so far away. I just wanted him here, with me, all the time.
"I know so."
"It's just a shame that.. he had to go home. I already miss him. I kinda wish that. he was here with me now." I said, now biting down on my lip. I finally had the house to myself, so if I was ever going to have him stay over..

"Jaime, I'm sure he would love nothing more than to be with you again. If you wanted him to." He said playfully.
"I really want him to. I.. I hate being alone in my house. It's hard enough with-"

"I'll be right there."