The world comes first (Natasha Romanoff x fem Y/N)

Chapter 83 - Age of Ultron pt5

Y/Ns POV

I just sat in that shed for what seems to be hours. I layed on my back and stared against the ceiling waiting for I don't even know what...maybe I'm waiting for the moment I wake up and this was all just a terrible dream, but I know I won't wake up, because this really happened and I just broke with the only thing that brings me happiness.

There was a knock on the door, but I didn't feel like talking. I was expecting Natasha on the other side of the door, but then I heard my dad's voice and even though I wouldn't be able to be face to face with Natasha, I was a little disappointed and sad that it wasn't her knocking. Does that mean she isn't going to come back? Is it really over between us? I mean thats what I want right? I love her and because of that I need to let her go... I have to.

„Can you please open the door Y/N? Because if you don't, I will break it open and then I will tell Clint that it was you, because I'm not taking the blame." My dad yelled through the thin wooden wall and I sighed. I got up and unlocked the door. Then I sat down on a box in the corner of the room. My dad slowly opened the door and sat down opposite to me. „I don't want to talk." I snapped. „Okay. How about I talk and you listen?" He suggested but I didn't look up. „I take that as a yes. I was very worried about you. The others too. Especially Natasha." He said. „I don't want to talk about her." I quickly said, because I didn't know if I could hold back my tears if I hear her name one more time. „You know you can talk to me about anything. I'm your dad." He said with his soft voice, but it made me angry. „No you're not. You're not my dad and you know that." I yelled at him. „What are you talking about, Y/N? I'm You're father." He said, his voice was a lot quieter now tho. „No. Dreykov is my father. I'm his daughter, not yours." I said and now I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. „Y/N...honey. Talk to me. Whats wrong? What happened?" He walked over to me and pulled me in a hug. I started sobbing and buried my face in his neck. „I'm his blood. I have his DNA. It's only a matter of time until I turn into him, into a monster, a heartless monster. And I'm going to hurt all of you. I'm going to hurt Natasha..." I whimpered between sobs. I'm sure he only understood like half of it, cause I talked into his shirt and it all came out muffled. He pushed up my chin to make me look into his eyes and wiped the tears off my cheeks. „Y/N...DNA can't do that. It's not enough I promise. You have such a big heart, you are such an amazing person, you could never turn into him. I promise you." He tried to convince me, but I still had the picture of Natashas dead body in my mind. „I killed her. I killed her and I didn't feel guilty, I felt proud. I was proud of what I did. You can't fake that." I said, but he didn't understand. „Killed who?" He asked. „Natasha..." I breathed. „Natashas not dead." He said. „I know. Because it was a forecast. That's what I saw. I saw my future. I saw what I will turn into and I killed Natasha." I tried to explain to him what I saw, but it was hard to put in words. „Y/N..." He started but I cut him off „No. No, you can't tell me it wasn't real. I know what I felt, I know what I saw.". „You weren't the only one. Steve and Thor, they saw things too. Tony as well. For them it felt real too. Thats what this woman did. She makes you believe its real, but it's not. It's not real." He said, but I just shook my head. „I'm his daughter. I have his DNA and sooner or later I'm going to turn into him and hurt the people I love." „Thats the point, Y/N. You love. You have people you love. Dreykov didn't love anyone. He was a cold hearted monster, with no love in his heart. You are nothing like him." My dad said and I really want to believe him, but everything inside me says differently. „I'm sorry, but thats not enough. I'm sure he loved someone when he was younger." I argued. „Let me tell you something, Y/N. A person doesnt change this much. It's not possible. When I was born, my parent's didn't have any money. We were poor and I was an accident. My dad was just coming home from war and he was bad. My mother had such a good heart, but my dad didn't. He took every chance to beat on us. When I was still very small my mother would protect me and take the beating when I should have gotten it, but when I got older I started protecting her from him. He would beat me until I was black and blue and unconscious sometimes. He never gave me a reason why, he never told me why he hated me so much, but whenever I looked into his eyes I saw nothing but hate. I was terrified of him, then I signed up for the army to escape him. My mother wrote me letters everyday, until one day she stopped, because my father had beaten her to death. He was a terrible man, but his DNA runs through my veins, so I decided never to have kids on my own, because what If I turn into my dad? What if I hurt my child the way he hurt me? And all just because we share the same DNA. Then I found your mother and you were born and the second I looked into your eyes, all that fear was gone. I knew I could never hurt you, I looked at you differently than he looked at me and I'll never find out why he hated me so much, but I learned one thing, DNA doesn't mean anything. Your heart doesn't care who created you, your heart will never change and if you listen to it deep down inside your chest, you know that you could never do anything like Dreykov. He might be reason why you're here, but he isn't who you are. You are your own person and such a great one, Y/N. I love you so much and I'm not the only one. Your mother loved you more than anything and Natasha...Natasha as well." I listened to my dads story and it made me sad. I never knew what he went through in his childhood, but I guess there's some truth to his words. He didn't turn into his father, no he was a great dad to me and still is. Maybe it is all because of that woman, maybe I don't have to be so scared of that. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed Natasha away. No, I shouldn't have...

„What do you think?" He asked after a while. „I'm sorry about your dad. You didn't deserve that and I guess...I guess you could be right, maybe I don't have to turn into him." I said quietly. „No, Y/N. You could never turn into him." He reassured me and I smiled at him weakly. „Can you tell me something about mom? I know I never really ask, but...but I wish I could have seen her again." I sighed. „Of course. I'd love to tell you about her. She was the kindest person I've ever met. You know one thing about her was that whenever she was nervous, she would start playing with her sleeves and you do the same thing. I think thats really cute. She would always sing you to sleep and her voice was so beautiful. Do you remember the song, she always sang you?" He asked me and smiled. „No, I don't think so. I don't really remember anything about her." I said quietly. „It went something like that (Bucky humming a song)..." When I listened to dad humming the melody of the song, I started to remember it and for just a second my mothers face came into my head. „I think I remember. Yeah, I remember. I loved that song. Whenever I was scared in the red room, I would hum it. I never knew the name or where I learned the song, but it made me feel better." I tell him. „Can I ask you something, dad?" I whispered. „Everything." He answered me with a smile. „How did she die. I never dared to ask, but I would really like to know." I said shyly. „I was scared of the day you ask that question. Are you sure You're ready?" He said quietly and I looked at him confused. „Yeah. I really want to know." I answered him. „I was looking for you, for a long time. Then one day Hydra found me and took me back. They fried my brain until I couldn't remember you anymore. It doesn't excuse what I did and I'll never forgive myself for it, but I killed your mother. They told me she was a thread, because she knew all about their work and their locations and so they sent me to kill her." He breathed, carefully looking for a reaction in me. „Why did you?" I asked him. „If I had a choice, I wouldn't have done it. My mind was there, I knew what I was doing, but my body was working against me. I'm sorry, Y/N. I failed you and I failed your mother and I'll never be able to make up for it." He whispered, tears running down his cheeks. „I believe you. You don't have to feel bad, it wasn't your fault, they made you do it. I know what that feels like." I smiled at him weakly and rested my head on his shoulder. „I wish your mother could be here to see what an amazing woman you turned into, Y/N. She'd be so proud of you." My dad said and I felt another tear escaping my eye. „Thank you." I whispered.

„Now tell me what happened between you and Natasha." He said and switched the topic. „I was scared to turn into Dreykov so I told her to leave. I broke up with her." I sighed. „You know there's no need to worry about that. We talked about it." He answered and I nodded „Yes, but I already did it. I can't take it back and she obviously doesn't want to talk to me or she'd be here." I said. „She is on a mission with the others, that's why she isn't here." My dad said and I looked at him confused „What why? Why didn't anyone tell me about it?". „You were still very upset and a mission wouldn't be a good thing for you right now. I'm sure when they get back you and Natasha will have a talk and everything will be good in the end. Don't worry honey, you two are meant to be." He said and smiled at me. „Now Let's go get some lunch! I'm starving!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the shed and towards the house. He's right. When they get back, I'll apologize to Natasha and I'll beg her for forgiveness and I hope this will be enough to get her back...