The world comes first (Natasha Romanoff x fem Y/N)

Chapter 9 - Trust...

I promised myself I wouldn't cry in front of her again, but I couldn't hold it together any longer. Tears spilled out of my eyes and I started sobbing. She pulled me into her chest giving me a big hug, drawing small circles on my back to try and calm me down. Instead of it helping me calm down, my sobs just got worse and all the pressure and pain I've gone through in all those years being all alone, left my mouth. I don't know how long we sat there, how long she held me crying in her arms, but when I finally pulled back, it was already light out. My eyes must be super red and puffy, cause I gained a little chuckle from her when our eyes met. I haven't felt this free and relieved in years. She looked at me, worried about how bad my state really is. "I'm sorry." I said, feeling guilty for keeping her up all night. She grabbed my chin and our eyes met again. "I really want you to stop apologizing. Feeling like this, needing support, is not a reason to apologize and believe me, Id love to help you get better and find a healthy way to cope with your trauma." "Thank you. I mean it and I know I already said that a hundred times, but really, thank you for everything. You are a great person and I get now, why all these young girls look up to you and why they call you their hero." I said, putting my hand above hers on my cheek. I saw the water building up in her eyes, but she tried to hide it, not wanting me to feel bad for making her emotional again. "Thanks, Y/N. That means a lot to me." She said. Then she leaned back on my head board, her body relaxing. She must have felt so uncomfortable sitting in that crouching position all night long, it made me feel even more guilty. I'll have to find a good way to thank her for this, for all of the shit she already helped me through. "Sooo..." Natasha started, her eyes focusing on mine. "Do you want to talk about the dream? In my experience getting it all out feels so much better than burying it deep in the back of your head." She finished, almost a whisper, scared I might snap at her for trying to get me to talk about my emotions. "I want to make you breakfast." I said, totally changing the topic and hoping she'd get the cue. "You want what?" She asked, confused about that sudden change of topic. Happy about the successful change of topic I say "I want to make you breakfast, now. As a thank you for staying up all night and taking care of me." She sighed, knowing damn well, I just tried to avoid the dream, but she gave in "Sounds great." Then she got up and moved to the door "I'll just go to my room and put on some fresh clothes." She said and then I looked her up and down, a chuckle escaping my mouth. I haven't noticed last night, because it was dark, but she is wearing pink Pyjamas with tiny little bunnies all over them. I did not think The Natasha Romanoff would wear that kind of clothes. My chuckle turned into an outburst of laughter, because that outfit just does not match her personality. She send me an angry glare and let me tell you, if looks could kill you, this one totally would. "Do you want to say anything, Y/N?" She asked. "And let me remind you that I could easily put you back in that cozy little cell downstairs, if you say the wrong thing." "No, no. You look great. I just thought about something funny." I tried to sound as truthfully as possible, but she knew exactly that I was lying. Her face turned into a laugh now too, not just because of the joke, but also because she was happy to see me laugh and see the light appear back in my eyes. "To my defense, it was a Christmas present from Yelena last year and I couldn't really tell her that I hated it and its really comfortable." She defended herself. I chuckled again and she left the room without another word. I went to the bathroom and got ready for the day, brushing my teeth and washing my face. Then I went back outside and put on some fresh clothes. As I pulled my shirt over my head, I heard a knock on the door. "Come in." I yelled, still struggling to put my head through the shirt. I heard the door open and Natasha walked in, chuckling "You didnt even make breakfast yet and already serve the dessert, huh?" I finally managed to get the shirt on and just send a chuckle her way. "Its not even 7am and you're already making sex jokes, get your head out of the gutter, Natasha." I laughed. "What are you doing back here?" I asked. "I thought you probably wouldn't be able to find the kitchen yourself and I really am a breakfast person, so I wanted to make sure you'll find it." She laughed, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the room. She rushed me down the hallway, not letting go of my hand and led me to another door. Behind the door was the kitchen, she already showed me on our tour yesterday. "So what are you making?" She asked, curiously. "Well, what's your favorite?" I asked her back. "Guess." She joked. "I could see you as the basic eggs and bacon person." I stated. "That is, indeed, correct. Now the question is, can you master basic American breakfast food." She mocked me. "You'd be surprised. After years of practice, I have become master of the kitchen." I joked back, but something about that must have sounded bad, cause the worried look on her face reappeared. "How's that? Did he make you cook for him? Tyler?" She asked. "You could have just laughed, no need to get all serious again." I said, avoiding Tyler. Especially after last night, his name is like a trigger. "Look Y/N, I'm not going to force you to talk to me, but I promise you it'll help with all this pressure and pain." She came closer, grabbing my hand again. "I know. Its just hard, okay. I don't know how to do that." I said, still avoiding her eyes. Once again, she pulled on my chin, making me look at her. "How about we start slow? Talk to me about last night, about your dream." She said smoothly. I sighed, going to the fridge and pulling out all the ingredients I need for breakfast. Once I placed all of them on the counter next to where Natasha is leaned against, I sighed again "Fine." She saw how hard it was for me to talk about what happened so she helped me a little "Was it about Tyler? Was it a memory?". How can she already sense me so good, after just a couple of days. "It was dark and I couldn't see anything. And then there was this creature coming towards me and I couldn't move, I couldn't scream. It was like my whole body was working against me." I started, my breathing already speading up and my muscles tensing. I didnt want to go back to that place, but I knew it would feel better after talking about it. Natasha came closer to me, placing her hand on my arm and drawing circles on it. "When that creature came closer, I realized it was Tyler and he was angry. Angry at me for betraying him and that never ends well. He gets angry really fast." I didnt know that I had grabbed on to one of the handles of the kitchen drawers, but my knuckles turned white from how hard i was holding on to it. Natasha placed her other hand on top of mine and tried to loosen my grip. I felt her stare on me, but I couldn't look into her eyes or I wouldn't be able to continue and just start crying instead. "He..." I hesitated to continue, knowing I couldn't go back once I told her, but she just squeezed my hand, telling me its okay. So I continued "He raped me..." it left my lips barely audible and tears came back into my eyes. I didnt think after so many years, it would still affect me that bad, but I had never talked to anyone about my feelings.