The world comes first (Natasha Romanoff x fem Y/N)

Chapter 34 - not a date!

The next two days went by really fast. Yelena forced me to watch movies all night on both of these days, so I havent really spend any time with Natasha. But today is Friday and I have made the perfect plan for our little adventure. Theres this really nice hill a couple of miles outside of New York and its supposedly the perfect sunset spot. I already prepared a cute picnic for us and packed some candles and blankets as well. Maybe, if its not too cold up there, we can watch the stars. I know, this is like perfect and she's so gonna love it. Now there's only one problem. Since my talk with Yelena I have been thinking about mine and Natashas relationship nonstop. I really like her and I think I might even love her, but there's no way she feels the same and even she did (but she doesn't), there's so much wrong with me and there's so many things that happened in my life, that I could never tell her about... . If I did, she'd hate me. So what we have is good, what we have is safe and it is fun and changing it, might just ruin everything. But anyways, I have to focus on tonight.

It was 5pm now and I was nervously walking towards Natashas room. Everything was ready and I told her, I'd pick her up at 5, which it is now. Don't be so nervous, Y/N. Its just two friends hanging out, nothing more. Why are you so nervous?? I was about to knock, when her door swung open and she smiled at me. „Wow, you can read minds?" I joked and then I looked her up and down. She looked so adorable in that outfit. I don't think I've ever seen her in 'normal people clothes'. She's wearing a short, red jumpsuit, that hugged her body in just the right places. „You look really beautiful." I smiled at her. „Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself." She chuckled. We went to the garage and into her car. It was a nice one. I don't know anything about cars, but it was a black bmw and it definitely suits her personality. „So where are we going?" She asked curiously. „Just drive. I'll let you know when to turn." I chuckled at how annoyed she was. She always needed to be in control, but I'll show her how nice it is to let go every now and then. It was really quiet in the car. We didn't really talk. Only me giving her directions a couple of times. After about 40 minutes we arrived in a lonely parking lot in the middle of the woods. „Are you going to kill me here?" She laughed and got out of the car. Before I was able to grab the door handle, she had already opened it for me. „Mi lady." She chuckled and bowed down a little. „Well,aren't you a gentleman." I smiled and got out of the car. „Are you going to tell me where we are going now? I mean, if you kill me, I can't tell anyone anyways. No need for the secrecy." She laughed. „The reason I havent told you already is, that it is killing you inside to not know and that's really fun to watch." I chuckled. She pushed me against a tree and made me puff in surprise. „Well you better tell me now, or i will be the one killing you." She glared at me. „Go on then, but you'll never find out where I would have taken you." I have no idea where this confidence is coming from, but I loved how much it was irritating her. „We're almost there." I said, while trying to get out of her grip. At first she protested and only held me tighter, but then she groaned and let go. I took her hand and we walked through the woods for another 20 minutes. Then we arrived at the place I read about. It was beautiful. You could see the whole city from here and it was so peaceful and the sun was about to set. She stopped walking and tried to take in the view. Yes! I knew she was going to love it. „This is beautiful." She breathed. „Just like you." I responded with a smirk. She chuckled and while she walked closer to the edge of the hill, I set up for the picnic. „Are you just going to stare at the view or are you joining me. She turned around and a huge smile appeared on her shocked face „You did this? All for me?" „No, actually. The others are joining us as well. Of course, dummy. You deserve this. Now come sit and enjoy your day off." I smiled and pulled her down on the blanket. She gave me a kiss and right when we started eating, the sun turned the sky into fire. It reminded me of the day, Natasha took me to her spot at the lake. „This is really amazing, Y/N. Thank you so much." Natasha said and pulled me into a hug, which turned into a kiss really fast. After a while she leaned back and I groaned by the loss of contact. I opened my eyes and saw the fear and nervousness in her eyes. „What's wrong?" I asked and grabbed her hand. „Nothing. It's fine." She smiled, but she couldn't fool me. „Nat..." I put my hand on her cheek. She sighed and melted into my touch. „You know, you can tell me everything. Even, if I did something wrong. Especially if I did something wrong." I chuckled. „I really want to talk to you about something, but I dont want to ruin this. I dont want to ruin what we have here." She whispered. „Theres nothing you could say, that would ruin this. Unless you tell me that you dont want to continue this, haha." I chuckled and pulled her into another hug. „I like you, Y/N." She said. „I like you too, Natasha." I smiled. „No, I like you. I really like you and I want this to be more than just friendship. I've never felt like this with anyone and I want to wake up to you every morning and I want to kiss you in front of everyone and I want to call you my girlfriend..." Her voice was a lot louder now and I just looked at her in disbelief. Yelena was right. What is happening here. No. I can't, I can't do this. She doesn't know what she is talking about. Panic started to rise in my chest and my breathing sped up. „Y/N?" She put her hand on my cheek and waited for an answer. „I...I..." I didnt know what to say. I just panicked more and when she tried to grab my hand, I shot up and walked towards the edge of the hill. „No, Nat. You dont know what you are talking about." I said sternly, not daring to look at her. She sighed and I knew, that must have hurt. „I do tho. I know what I'm talking about. I know how I'm feeling and I thought you felt the same, Y/N." She was almost begging. „You don't know anything about how I'm feeling. I don't, I don't feel the same. I'm sorry to disappoint." I got angry. I dont know why I was angry, but It was too much. I couldn't do this and I know I just broke her heart, but better now than later. „You're right. I'm sorry. It's getting quite late, maybe we should head back." She said and I could hear the shaking in her voice. What is wrong with me? I could've been nicer, I dont ever want to be the reason for her pain. „I'm sorry Nat." I apologized and walked over to her. „Its okay. I... I just need a second." She said and turned away. I could see a tear in her eye and knew, she didnt want me to see. „Just go to the car already. I'll pack up." I smiled at her and with that, she left. I quickly cleaned everything and when I got to the car, I could see her puffy eyes. I feel terrible. This is all my fault, maybe I lead her on and gave her wrong signals. I could not hate myself more than this right now. We drove back to the compound without another word. There was this awkward silence between us, never before had it been like that, but now it was. Before we got out of the car, I apologized again „I'm really sorry, Nat. I hope we can still be friends." „Yeah." She said quickly and when I left the car, she was already gone. I sighed and cleaned up the stuff from the picnic. Then I went to my room and fell asleep immediately. I was exhausted. This day cost me so much energy and it ended terribly. I hope we can still be friends...