The world comes first (Natasha Romanoff x fem Y/N)

Chapter 30 - graduation

*a little gory* *also TW dead babies*

Nats POV:

Beep! Beep! Beep! 5am. Time to get up. Training starts in 10 minutes and being late means punishment. If I hurry up I might be able to see Yelena in the hallway. I quickly brushed my teeth and put on my uniform. Then I rushed out of the room and there she was, my little sister. Even if I only see her for a couple of seconds in the morning, its enough. I love her so much and I hate not being able to be with her, but I can't get her in trouble. At least she has Y/N. I'm not really a fan of that girl, but she takes care of Yelena and as long as she is happy, I am happy. I would have smiled at her, but one of the guards was watching us, so I didnt. I walked into the training room and sighed. Another day in this hell. There were 5 other girls in my group. We started with 45 girls 7 years ago and now that's all that is left. Everyone else died or got killed. Its really scary to think about that, especially because what if..., what if one day I wake up and I don't see Yelena in the hallway. What if she doesn't make it? Gosh, I dont even want to think about that. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed the teachers walking in. Why all of them? Is there another test? We just had one last week and I still have the bruises from it. They made us pair up and then fight until one of us is dead. That's how the number went from 12 to 6. I still see that girls face whenever I close my eyes. Now Dreykov entered the room. That can't mean anything good. None of us girls dared to look up. I kept my eyes on his shoes, scared of what he might do, if I ever dared to meet his. „Hello girls. Today is a great day for all of you." he started to clap and with him all of the teachers as well. It startled me and I flinched. „No need to be scared." Even tho I didnt look up, I could feel he was talking to me. I shivered. I think I'm going to throw up. If there's one thing that I'm scared of, it's him. I see him everywhere. In my dreams and whenever I'm alone, I feel like he's watching me. How can he do this to us? How can he force us to be killers? How can he, a single man, take away the childhood and safety of so many kids? A single tear fell down my face and for a second I stopped breathing. Fuck! I hope nobody saw that. „Natasha..." The blood in my veins froze. He's going to kill me. This is my last moment and I can't even tell Yelena that I love her. I closed my eyes and hoped, he would do it fast, but nothing happened. „Open your eyes!" Dreykov demanded and my eyes shot open. „Step forward, widow." was his next demand. „All of you have mastered the skills I need my soldiers to have. Out of 45 useless girls you 6 became professionals in this field and I'm happy to announce you have officially finished your training..." He continued and I felt the pressure falling off my shoulders. Is that it? Am I free now? Did I survive this hell? „Natasha..." He pushed my chin up and for the first time I looked into his eyes and everything that I was so scared of to find there, became reality. I couldn't see even the slightest bit of love or humanity. It was like standing in front of the devil himself. „... You are the best of your group, so you will be the first to receive the graduation gift." He mischievously smiled at me and motioned to one of the teachers. It was dr. Petrov. He teaches the human body and what places hurt the most or are the deadliest to aim for. First of all why would we receive a gift? The red room isn't a place to be nice and give you presents. You don't get rewards, that's not how it works. And second of all why would we receive the gift from him? I didn't dare to refuse, even tho I knew it wasn't going to be a present after all. I followed my teacher to another room and he told me to lay down on a bed. I did as I was told. Refusing means punishment and that's the last thing I want. I felt a needle poking into my arm and within seconds everything started to get blurry. I heard my teacher say things to a nurse, that joined us in the room, but I felt too tired to listen to the conversation. I had to shut my eyes for just a couple of seconds, just a moment. It went dark and I started to panic. What is happening to me? What are they doing? My eyes shot open again and I was in an operating room. I tried to move, but I was tied to whatever I was laying on. „What is happening? Let me out? Where am I?" I yelled and tried to move. I panicked even more, but I couldn't do anything. „Uh, good morning miss Romanoff. I was surprised it took you so long to come back to us." I heard the doctor say, but I couldn't see him. „What are you doing to me?" I was scared and tears were now streaming down my face. „Dont worry. You'll be just fine. Its a tiny surgery to make sure you become the perfect assassin." He laughed. Then he appeared next to me and spread a bunch of tools and knives on the table. I panicked even more. „What surgery? I will do whatever you want. That's what you trained me for. Theres no need to do anything to my body!" I tried to convince him. „There's one thing, Miss Romanoff. One thing, that will always become a problem in this environment." „No, I promise. I promise you, please. I'll do whatever you want." I begged. „Let me ask you this question: What happens if you give birth to a child and somebody threatens you with their life. Will you give yours instead? Will you hand over all of our secrets?" A grin appeared on his face, when he sees my realizing expression. No! No! Fuck, No! He can't do this. He can't do this to me. I started to kick and pressed my hands so hard against the cuffs, that I know for sure there will be marks on my wrists tomorrow. „Please. Doctor, please dont." I cried out. „Life will feel a lot easier afterwards." With that, he pushed another needle in my arm and the world around me went black again. Then I was back in Ohio, with my family: mom, dad and Yelena. It was Christmas and we got to open presents and we laughed together and had good food. It played in my head like a movie, but then the scenery changed and I was in a hospital, a room full of newborn babies. They were all screaming and I tried to calm them down. I sang a song and I stroked their little heads, but they just screamed more and more. Then a fire started in the middle of the room and I tried to grab all of the kids and get them to safety, but I couldn't. There were to many and I couldn't reach the door in time. The crying stopped and when I looked into my arms, the babies were dead and I stared into their lifeless eyes. Next I felt a hand on my shoulder and shot around. A little girl, maybe 5, was standing behind me. Her face was bloody and her eyes were cold. „This is your fault. You killed them! You killed us! You will never become a mother! You could never take care of a child and now you never will!" She screamed and with that last sentence she pushed her hand into my stomach and ripped out my organs. I screamed out in pain and held on to my stomach, which was now bleeding like crazy. „Its okay. You're not alone. I'm here with you. You are safe." I heard a voice, just like an angel. Am I going to die? Is that it? I was in excruciating pain and I just wanted it to be over, so I closed my eyes and hoped the suffering would end soon. There it was again, the voice: „Open your eyes honey. You are safe." I forced them open again and looked into her eyes, my angel. „I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I couldn't safe them! I couldn't safe them!" I screamed. My body was shaking like crazy and the pain in my stomach turned into nausea. I rolled to my side and threw up. I felt hands on my neck, collecting my hair and holding it back. „Let it out. Its fine, you're safe." The voice said again. I slowly started to get my orientation back. I wasn't in the red room, I was in the Avengers compound. I was in my room. Was that just a dream? What is happening to me? I threw up once more and I felt panic rise in my chest. My breathing got faster, but before it went dark, I was being pulled into a hug. I don't know who's shoulder I was crying into, but I felt safe and I couldn't stop. „Shhhhh. Its fine. You're safe. I'm here." She kept saying, while brushing her fingers over my back. We sat there for a while, until I finally calmed down. It was a memory. The worst day of my life. The day the red room took the one thing from me, that I wanted more than anything in the world, the ability to start my own family. I pulled back from the hug and looked into Y/Ns worried eyes. She put a hand on my cheek and wiped away my tears. I have never been this vulnerable in front of anyone. Not even Clint has seen me cry. How can I feel so safe with her? „Are you okay?" She asked with that angelic voice of hers. I couldn't say anything. Confusion and pain took over my brain and all I could do was stare at her and hope she'd understand. And she did. She layed down in my bed and pulled me close to her chest, then she put the covers over both of us and stroked my hair, while singing a russian lullaby. Yelena loved this song and always sang it as a little kid, how did she know that? I would sometimes sing it in the red room to calm myself down. I pushed myself closer to her chest and fell asleep to the sound of her heartbeat. For the rest of the night that is all I could hear and all I could see was her. Her smile, her laugh, her beautiful golden hair and her soft hands. She makes me feel safe. And I know, I'll never be able to tell her that, but the second I saw her beautiful smile in that cell downstairs, I fell in love with her.

I thought I'd add a Nat POV to the story, cause you never really get to see inside her head. Let me know how you like it.