HIDDEN (#1, Gods Among Us)

Chapter 6 - Retail Therapy

After checking into my hotel on trembling legs, I asked the concierge for recommendations on where I could replace my missing wardrobe. Kindly, he called around to find stores that would stay open, despite the evening hour. As I watched from the bar, a stiff drink clutched in my hand, I couldn't help but think of Tod. No... Loki. My mind replayed his change, transforming in front of me... my hands shook and I shoved the thoughts away. I couldn't deal with that now. Not yet. I had to hold it together just a bit longer.

With a smile, the concierge came over to me and handed me a list of appointments. "Here you go, Doctor Murphy. They will take very good care of you, and you should be all set for your conference tomorrow."

"Thank you so very much. I really appreciate it," I said, as I shook his hand and tipped him heavily for his extra effort.

"Absolutely my pleasure, Doctor. I've taken the liberty of having one of our hotel drivers pull up front. He will take you to each of your appointments." He held out his arm to escort me through the lobby.

At the car, he opened the door and helped me inside, smiling with a tilt of his head as I thanked him again.

"Good evening, Doctor Murphy," said the young man behind the wheel. "I'm Sean. I'll see you to all of your appointments and back again," he added, as our eyes met in the mirror.

"Thank you, Sean." I looked out the window as we pulled away from the hotel. The dark night had me remembering shorter auburn hair morphing into locks of pure midnight. Just hold it together a bit longer, I told my reflection, raising a trembling hand to the glass.

True to his word, Sean ushered me from an upscale women's fashion store with beautifully tailored suits and dresses where I could acquire the business attire needed for my conference, to a trendy, but fashionable shop with a range of more casual clothes I needed. Next, a stop for shoes. Finally, the last stop was Victoria's Secret, since I needed more than outer clothes. It was a weakness of mine, for sure. I came out with far more pink and white striped bags than necessary. Comfort shopping at its finest.

Yet with each stop, I couldn't help but remember getting ready this afternoon at Tod's flat. No... no, not Tod's... Loki's. My heartbeat pounded as my thoughts circled. How could it be Loki? A god? Really? I can't think about this. I can't. 

It wasn't until Sean was helping me into the lobby with my purchases that I realized I hadn't stopped for toiletries or a suitcase. My usually organized brain was scattered. I'd bought more than intended and no longer had my backpack. The concierge came to help as he waved over a bellhop to get the rest of my bags.

"I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of having some toiletries and a suitcase delivered to your room from our hotel shop. Is there anything else I can assist you with, Doctor Murphy?" he asked with a smile.

"That is absolutely fantastic. Completely perfect. Thank you, Mister Knight," I said, reading his name badge. It took me two tries. Everything was starting to distort, like reality was bending in a carnival funhouse. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to hold on.

"You are welcome, Doctor Murphy. Have a pleasant evening, and please do let me know if I can be of further assistance." He nodded to me as the elevator closed on the bellhop and me.

When the elevator opened onto my floor, the bellhop gestured for me to exit first. Leading me to my room, he took the room key, opened and held the door for me. After I entered, he placed my bags on the nearby bench inside the room, bowed, and left as quickly and efficiently as he'd arrived.

Flopping down on my bed with the adrenaline surge now long gone, I allowed myself to think about what had happened. A god. Is he really a god? It was so unbelievable that I pushed the thought away.

Instead, I recalled the intensity of being in his arms and the feeling of him driving into me, hard and fast. A shiver rippled over my skin, followed by a wave of heat, and my hand slid up my torso to my neck. I couldn't believe how much I'd liked the way he'd held me down. That we'd done that in a movie theatre. Fuck. It was incredible and completely insane.

With my eyes closed, my mind flashed on him, changing. Shit. Don't think about that. 

Heart jolting in my chest, I took a shaky breath and tried to release it slowly. Instead, I let my fingertips trail over my neck, remembering his lips, his touch. How many times did I orgasm? The sex was wildly hot. No doubt about it. I'd never orgasmed like that before. That intense connection between us... it was electric. That dominant neck hold, bite thing was erotic as hell. 

But on top of that thought was realizing how vulnerable I'd been, so willing to let him do anything and take charge, even submitting and saying I belonged to him. I didn't like the idea of being that vulnerable to someone else's approval, to want that emotional claiming. Bad things happened when I allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable. Nausea churned at the thought. I couldn't go down that path again.

Not again.

My ex-fiance had taken my vulnerability and weaponized it against me. He'd cut at my self-esteem in thousands of tiny slashes. I was never pretty enough, slender enough, or dressed well enough. I was too nerdy, too messy, or lacking in femininity. I was his favourite target, his verbal punching bag for his need to stroke his ego. No more. I wouldn't go there again.

Although I'd managed to pull myself together and cut ties with him, it had been a nasty battle. Even two years later, I still had emotional scars and hadn't wanted to trust anyone since then. It made it hard to date, so I'd buried myself in my work instead. The idea that I'd felt so much, so deeply, so fast with Tod... or Loki, I corrected myself, but I shoved that thought away again. It was too much. Too overwhelming.

The physical and emotional exhaustion of the last twenty-four hours caught up with me. I fell asleep without even crawling into the covers.