𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃

84 | when history repeats itself

There's an ache buried in my chest that I haven't felt in a very long time. The last time I've felt this pain is the night Elijah raped me and ripped the bracelet Yoongi gifted me, from my wrist. And even though these are two completely different kinds of despair, they're both equally consuming.

It hurts.

It fucking hurts knowing that Jimin is right behind that door listening to me cry and yet it feels like he's miles away from me.

I've never felt more alone in my life.

Not even when I was crying alone in my bathtub with blood trickling down my wrist.

"Jimin, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for hurting you." I drop my head back in hopes that it will prevent any more tears from falling but instead I drown in them, so I decide to face the door. "I-I'm so sorry baby, I didn't mean the things I said." I shift a little so that I support my weight on my knees then continue. "You're right for being mad at me, I deserve it.

"And I know that all you wanted from me was to confide in you. I know that I've been distant lately and that I've been drowning my sorrows away, but it hurts Jimin. So fucking much, it's ripping me apart." My voice cracks mid-sentence and I take a sharp intake of breath. "I love you so much. So fucking much, it terrifies me. You don't understand-"

I can hear the sound of a door opening, but Jimin's door is still closed. Instead, footsteps come from behind me, and the smell of cigarette smoke invades my nostrils. I slowly turn around, only to face Yoongi weary eyed.

"Hey, what happened?" He kneels down to my level and tucks away my hair behind my ear. A cigarette is hanging from his lips as he speaks. "You look so ugly when you cry it's making me devastated. What's wrong?"

Somehow, I can feel myself laughing inside from the stupid comment but instead I cry even harder, and more tears fall from my eyes as he puts his arms around me to soothe me.

"Did he tell you?" He asks then takes out his cigarette to blow away the excess smoke. "Is that why you're upset?"

"T-tell me what?"

"About Seattle."

I look at him confused. "What about Seattle?"

Yoongi looks away and cusses under his breath. "Well, this is fuckin awkward. Seven got an internship at a communications agency in Seattle, and he's supposed to reply until New Year's."

"What? He never mentioned that to me."

"Well, it's a pretty fancy looking thing." Yoongi murmurs. "He's gonna get good opportunities if he goes."

"That's amazing." I say with a small smile.

"He'll be gone for at least four months."

My vision turns blurry, and my eyeballs are submerged under a layer of hot tears as I think to myself that after this explosive fight, I've probably convinced him to leave for good.

"Yeah..." I mumble then push off the cold floor. Yoongi does the same. I brush off the dirt from my clothes and cross my arms awkwardly. "I'm happy for him anyway."

"Liar." He snorts. "You don't want him to go."

No shit Sherlock, but that doesn't mean I don't want him to give up on his aspirations, I want to say, but I keep quiet as I wait for him to open the door.

"So, if you're not moping about Seattle, what is it?" He questions and I find myself averting my gaze. "Did you guys fight?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah,"

"Care to elaborate?"

"I fucked it up Yoongi." I tell him. "I said some horrible things to him that I deeply regret and now I don't know what to do."