𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃

60 | reckless

Jimin

After a long drive with the windows rolled down, I finally decide it's time to return to the apartment. The wind whips across my face, sweeping my hair away from my eyes. The sky is black like tar with stars scattered across it like splotches of white paint on a black canvas.

I take a sharp intake of breath as I tighten my grip around the steering wheel; a numbing pain overtakes my knuckles and I curse under my breath, suddenly regretting the entire fiasco back at Sam's place. However, I don't regret hitting him because the bastard certainly deserved it. The physical pain surpasses the mental pain and frankly I think it's a waste. I shouldn't feel anything about this entire situation, because every fragment of emotion is useless when it comes to him and Evelyn. If they claimed they cared for me as much as they do then none of this would have ever happened. And while Evelyn was crying to me that everything, she has felt for me was real, then she would have trusted me enough to talk to me about her illness. She would have told me about the draining effects Lithium has on her and together we would work something out.

That's how it should have been.

For fucks' sake, I still can't believe that the whole reason Evelyn even approached me in the first place was because she thought I was loaded.

Because she needed money to repay her debt to her uncle.

That's all I was, a fucking ATM for her.

I feel like driving my car to a wall and ending this shit once and for all. My close friend betrayed me, and my ex cheated. My best friend doesn't even want to talk to me anymore and Nox is giving me the cold shoulder. What's fucking worse is that I almost punched her in the face back at Sam's. She tried to put on a tough front like she always does whenever she's caught in the claws of perilous circumstances, but I could see it from her body language; the way she froze, how her eyes widened, and her mouth fell agape. She was sweating through her clothes, her hands trembling in fear and luckily, I managed to change the direction of my hit just in time otherwise I would have injured her severely.

In her eyes all I could see is the version of myself I absolutely despise with every fiber of my being. The ugly version of myself that takes shape whenever I lose control; all the anger I've kept hidden inside finally breaks out of my shell. That fury, spreads like wildfire throughout my veins until it overflows, taking the form of fists and reckless decisions. I wanted to keep that side of me under control, because every single time I've surrendered to my impulses it always ends badly for myself and the people surrounding me.

Maybe I'm better off alone.

I make a quick stop at the pharmacy to get myself some ibuprofen and an ice pack before driving back to the apartment. I slowly pull into a halt into my designated parking spot and turn off the engine as the headlights flick off. I look up front and stare at the closed gate with my hands still glued on the steering wheel.

A mind-numbing feeling is creeping its way into my stomach, tightening around it like a vice; it's hard to breathe. My lungs suddenly feel like they're filled with water as my breath is stuck in my throat and cold sweat trickles down my back. I slam my hand on the steering wheel causing the entire car to shake and release some of the pent-up emotions inside of me by hitting it as hard as I can, not giving a care about the purple bruises on my knuckles. I scream like I've never screamed before, but it somehow feels like letting out the longest breath of my life. I scream without giving a shit about the neighbors or any random person who's passing by. This is the only time I have to myself, and I want to just let it all out.

The adrenaline has worn off completely along with the consuming rage, leaving behind nasty evidence on my skin. My knuckles have swollen up and as I remove my hands from the wheel, pain washes through me all the way up to my fingers and wrists, and with that I grab the medicine from the passengers' seat and get out of the car.