𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃

40 | faded

The further I walk, the further I think that I'm falling.

With every step that I take, it feels as though there's no ground beneath my feet. My skin is feverish hot and my mouth feels dry despite the fact that I've downed over ten tequila shots over the past hour. I've already left the bar, but I don't remember paying. There's a chance I haven't paid for my drinks, but I guess that doesn't really matter now does it? I'm flat broke either way. My house is empty and lifeless with nothing but minimalistic pieces of décor occupying the cold rooms while my closet barely has any decent clothes. The last thing I am going to worry about is paying for my drinks at the bar.

The sky is dark and my surroundings are blurry, there are blind spots in my vision and I don't feel nearly as good. Even though I feel strangely light, like a dry leaf being blown away by the wind, my head is pounding and my lips are dry and I want to puke my guts out in the nearest bush or something. I haven't eaten anything since lunch, but I have a feeling that I won't be able to ingest anything without throwing up.

I'm sweaty and I reek of alcohol and I can't find my car. From what I gather from my surroundings, I think I'm either in a park or a parking lot, I can't really tell at this point. There's a giant familiar looking building with glass doors almost two blocks away and more little shops and an Apple store nearby. I can't read the giant glowing sign, but I can't help the feeling of déjà vu I get from that place; I've definitely been here before, but I just can't put my finger on it. Even though I'm aware of my intoxicated state, I understand that it won't be the wisest idea to drive back to my apartment, but I don't want to go home either. There's nobody there waiting for me.

I want to run out in the streets like a lunatic, feel the breeze whip across my face, because I'm so hot and this hoodie is only making matters worse for me. I want to drive a motorcycle or climb a fucking mountain. I want to break free from my skin and my mind and just hide away. I need a place for myself where I can break and then put myself back together again, because I can't handle all these changes, they're only making me shatter further. I need my own place where I can let out all these venomous thoughts; for once I want to let myself crumble down to bits and pieces. I need to detonate, because keeping my shit together is so fucking hard. I feel like a volcano ready to erupt and while my outbursts have terrible outcomes, at least when I'm alone I won't hurt anyone. It's in my nature to destroy and to be destroyed whether it is from my own hand or my mind or by someone else, so for once just let me be a force of nature.

Somewhere far away, where you can see the wildfire. The light will shine brilliantly, but it will be set somewhere in the distance where you can gaze upon it but never touch. If you happen to come close, you might turn to ash just like me.

So, I start running on the pavement without giving a care in the world about whoever I come across. I can feel all eyes on me, piercing through my skin like needles. Sweat courses on my skin and with everyone's intense gazes it starts itching. The nape of my neck is starting to hurt and my sides feel slightly bruised and swollen. I think I ran about two blocks because the familiar looking building's sign is getting clearer and clearer.

The Crescent House.

That's when I bump onto a hard chest and I instinctively grab onto the black material of this person's windbreaker when I tilt my head upwards, only to face a shadowed pair of deep brown eyes surrounded by dark circles. I almost choke at the sight of the familiar Yankees cap he's wearing and I bite my lip.

"Evelyn," Yoongi says lowly and I detect a hint of surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I want to hide away." I slur and just when I'm about to turn onto my heel, I step onto one of my shoelaces and that results in me almost tripping so he stabilizes me by grabbing onto my arm. He abruptly pulls me close to him and when I say close; boy do I mean close, I can feel his breath on my face. He sniffs at mouth when he drops down on his knees, averting his attention from my alcohol smelling breath to my undone shoelace.