Butterflies [Nino Nakano x Male Reader]

Chapter 32 - The Dilemma

Itsuki's POV:

I bet waking up is much easier when you have an incentive. As for me? I don't even know what I'm doing. All I know is that it feels awful. Being angry at L/N-kun feels wrong and I know it. But this battle I'm waging within myself leaves this as my only option. All I need to do is trick my mind into liking someone who isn't taken. It's so simple... so damn simple. So why am I so dumb to the point where I can't even do such a simple thing?

The pale morning light was already piercing through the blinds of my window. The alarm had gone off, but I put it on snooze. I just wanted a few more minutes of warmth. Just a little more dreaming to make my day start a little better.

I don't even understand my own feelings anymore. Did I force myself to fall for someone or did it happen naturally? And why him? Why is it that the first time I get to experience these feelings, it's in a condition that puts me with no chance of victory?

Just... why?

It feels wrong to be angry at him. But it's the only way I can get my brain to stop with this stupidity.... even if the few times that I've had conversations with him, he was always so open to helping me... so accepting and understanding... and... look at me, I'm doing it again.

Regardless of what I do, I'm wasting my teenage years. I just want to experience the same things he gets to live through. Simply to have high grades and have a perfect high-school romance. It's that simple, and the more I think about it, the more unachievable it feels to me.

*knock knock*

I perked up, immediately trying to appear a little more presentable despite still being wet from rolling in my own self-pity puddle.

"Itsuki?" I saw Yotsuba's head perking through the door of my room.

"Y-Yes?"

"Is it ok if I use the bathroom? You're usually the first one there in the morning and since you were taking a bit longer, I thought I should ask."

"Oh, no problem. You can go. I decided to stay in bed for a little longer."

"Is everything alright? You're always up on time."

I'm already making them late. I don't need them to shoulder my problems as well.

"Yeah, it's fine. I stayed up a little bit longer than I should last night."

"Okay! Just let me know if you need anything, ok?"

"Sure."

I might as well get off the bed and get dressed, seeing that I delayed their entire routine by a good ten minutes. Yotsuba had already left, but as I was opening the door to my closet, I heard someone entering my room again. And then suddenly, I felt the same someone embracing me from behind.

"Y-Yotsuba?!"

"You looked like you needed a hug," she said.

Have you ever had that feeling when your life has been going really badly for the past few weeks, then something good happens and your heart just feels like it's going to collapse from the relief? The contrast results in a pain that is the emotional equivalent of thermal shock, and it hurts in a way that feels both good and bad. I did my best to fight my tears.

"I did?"

"Your voice is a bit trembly," she said, "Just know that whatever it is that you're going through, we're here for you."

And so, the pain amplified. I felt my nails almost puncturing the palm of my hand from how hard I was squeezing. I need to maintain my appearance. I would only feel worse if they started to take pity on me because of my own imaginary problems.