ROSES (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

THE KILLERS

Oli chatted to me about apartments in San Francisco, where the best parks and places to take Ivy were, that kind of thing. I explained to him how you had to go a little further out of the city to get the really new apartments, or be willing to pay a lot for a new or renovated place in the city. "Ugh, there's so many things to consider." he laughed. "Nah, I just want to be close to you, that's my main objective. I'd actually really love it if you would come and look at some places with me when I'm ready." he said. "Honestly, If I could, I would really like to find somewhere before the end of the year." he said. My body swarmed with excitement, happiness, fear, confusion, shock... so many emotions, I wasn't sure which one I felt the most. He looked worried, like he was anxious about telling me because he thought I might have another panic attack. "Sorry, I'm dropping bombs on you again, aren't I? I just want to be totally transparent so you don't get any surprises." he explained with a tiny smile.
"Oli, it's totally OK." I replied. I felt so bad that he was being so apologetic about something that truthfully, wasn't even really any of my business. He could live wherever he wanted! "I swear I'm not freaking out, I'm just absorbing." I chuckled.
"I understand." he replied with a smile. "Does that mean you don't hate the idea of me buying a place there soon, though?" he asked.
"Of course not. I'm happy you'll get to spend so much time with Ivy, and I'll be happy to look at places with you if you want me to." I replied happily.
"Thanks, Willow. I really hoped you would be OK with it. I know it's a lot." he said.
"Of course I'm OK with it." I replied. It wasn't like I could stop him anyway... "Ivy will be very excited." I added with a smile.

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[OLI]

She always says it in a way that makes it sound like it's only about Ivy.

I wish I could be honest and tell her I want to spend time with her too... that I love being around her and that even if she can only ever want me as a friend, that I still want to be important to her... because she's really fucking important to me. Maybe a big part of it is because she's the Mother of my child, but it's not only that. I just genuinely adore her as a human being.

I know I think about it too often, but I wish I hadn't of been such an idiot last year. If only I had of known what the future held and how my life could have been, I wouldn't have pushed her away. I wouldn't have hurt her so much that it's now impossible for her to open up to me again and give me a second chance. What am I even saying? By now it's probably a fourth of fifth chance because I was such a fucking messed up dickhead last year.

Eugh. Hindsight sucks. I'll regret losing her and missing out on the life I could have had with her every fucking day until I die.

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Oli had started looking distant, like he was lost in thought, like the happy, excited mood he was in when he called me had completely gone and was now replaced with a look that I remembered from last year when he was feeling like shit. It was the exact expression he'd held on the couple of occasions that he was feeling lost or down about life and other various things. His eyes seemed sadder, the corners of his lips had drooped down and tiny wrinkles formed on his forehead as he frowned ever so lightly at his own thoughts.
"Is everything OK?" I asked.
"Sorry, yeah, just getting tired." he replied with a smile that I could tell was forced. Had I said something? Had I not said something? Had I made him doubt the genuineness of my happiness about him moving to San Francisco? Something had changed just now, but I didn't know what. "So you realise when you move here you're going to be a Californian?" I questioned in some kind of attempt to get him to come back from wherever his mind had gone. "Well, I don't know about that. My accent is going to stick out like a sore thumb." he replied.
"That's true. Are you excited to have a change of scenery though?" I asked.
"Yeah, I am actually. I'm more excited about just being there with you and Ivy though. You could have lived on the moon and I would have followed you." he replied. Aww.