CONNECT

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The rest of my Birthday trip was amazing, with hours upon hours spent at the beach or at our beach house drinking cocktails. We went down to Santa Monica and rode bikes along the promenade, ate at amazing restaurants and we even went on the rollercoaster at Santa Monica pier. I loved being away from home, just relaxing and being removed from my normal life, and I loved the attention I got from Oli every time I posted a photo of myself in a bikini lol. He always reacted and called me hot or sexy and I can't deny that I loved it. We didn't really talk much, he seemed to have gone pretty quiet again, but at least he was still there.

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[OLI] 

I fucking hate my life. 

I'm so sick of touring and interviews and having to pretend to be a rockstar with this amazing life when I'm actually fucking miserable. 

I'm sick of hearing my own voice and seeing my fucking face everywhere...

I need to get away from all of it. I need an escape. I need to find some purpose or I'm never going to get out of this pit of misery.

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When we arrived back in San Francisco, I still had 8 weeks of freedom before heading back to uni and honestly, I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. Cassidy had the same about of time off as me but she was working so I had a lot of time on my own. I researched day trips and hikes for us to do and we decided to drive out to Yosemite National Park to camp for a couple of nights too. When I say camp... we were going to fold down the back seat of Cassidy's Jeep and sleep in there because I was slightly scared of potential bears if we camped in a tent, lol. Cassidy bought fairy lights and an air mattress and decked out her car after finding inspiration on pinterest and she bought a professional camera and tripod too after seeing the quality of the photos our photographer friend took in Malibu. We made lots of plans and stayed busy, but I still binged a lot of Netflix in the apartment too.

We headed out to Yosemite on a Monday for 3 days of being alone in the wilderness and we decided to both go completely offline; switching off our data so we weren't slaves to technology. It was kind of nice that we rarely had reception anyway so I wasn't even tempted to reconnect. We hiked every day and just drove around admiring nature, snapping gorgeous photos and setting up Cass' camera on the tripod like total tourists, lol. We met some backpackers on the second night at our campsite and they invited us to join them for dinner around their campfire which was fun. I knew within 5 minutes of being with the group of Europeans that Cassidy was going to hook up with one of them... there was one guy who was completely her type and definitely interested in her. Sure enough she went for it, leaving me to sleep in the car by myself and freak out about bears while she joined her new friend in his tent. That bitch! lol. As I laid alone in the car under the fairy lights, I thought about how amazing it would be to have Oli with me... how nice it would be to be away from everyone and everything, removed from the world... he'd talked about wanting that, but maybe I just wished he was in the car with me so I didn't feel so unprotected, lol. Our little trip to Yosemite was wonderful; Cass and I talked so much, we saw so much beautiful scenery, we toasted marshmallows over campfires and we generally just enjoyed each others company away from the city. We decided we were going to head out there again soon - before winter hit and made it too cold and dangerous to hike.

We drove back to San Francisco on Thursday because Cassidy had to work that night and even though I wished we could have stayed longer, I wasn't mad about sleeping in my proper, comfortable bed. Roadworks made us late so Cass was rushing to shower and get ready for work on time, but once she had left the apartment, I let out a long exhale. I was back in the normal world, back to reality, back to being alone at home. Not that I minded, I just loved being on adventures so much that coming home really sucked. I took a looooooong hot shower and settled in on the couch with snacks to waste my afternoon watching a movie and throwing myself back into social media. 

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