IVY

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When I woke up, I was really disoriented. It was bright and I struggled to open my eyes as light flooded past my eyelids. "Willow!" I heard from nearby; the familiar sound of Cassidy's voice instantly comforting me even though I couldn't see her. I blinked a few times and saw her face come into view above me as I squinted, trying to keep my eyes open. "Where am I?" I asked in confusion. She grabbed my hand and my eyes adjusted to a point where I could see her.
"You're in the hospital." she replied. 

I felt so groggy, dizzy... my mind didn't seem to be able to grasp anything. In a way it felt like being drunk. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Like a butterfly." I responded. Cassidy just laughed.
"Geez, I know they said you might be a bit loopy when you wake up but wow." she said out loud. She sat and talked to me but I didn't really know what was going on, or why I felt the way I did.

As time passed and I started to understand my surroundings, I remembered why I was there in the hospital and I instantly moved my hands to my stomach. "Ivy." I said out loud, emotion about to flood me as I remembered what just happened. "Where's Ivy?" I asked, my voice cracking as fear took over. What happened? Why isn't she there? Why didn't I remember properly?
"It's OK! She's fine. She's in the nursery." Cassidy said quickly. Why the hell was she there and  not with me? Was there something wrong with her? "What's going on?" I asked loudly as I tried to sit up. I became hysterical. "Wills... you need to calm down. I promise Ivy is absolutely fine." she assured me. Cassidy had never lied to me, so I tried to take some deep breaths as I laid back down, though I was still full of concern.

"What happened? I remember holding her." I said as memories returned to me. Cassidy looked at me with the most upset face. "Wills, you... you died." Cassidy said quietly. I just looked at her. "What?" I questioned. Am I... am I dead? Am I dreaming right now? I shook my hand in front of my face as if to see if I was dreaming. "Wills, you haemorrhaged after you had Ivy. You were holding her and your eyes rolled back in your head. I watched you flatline." she said. I could tell she was trying to hold her emotion in. "You lost so much blood, they had to do emergency surgery to stop the bleeding and give you a bunch of transfusions." she added. I just laid there in confusion as Cassidy wrapped her arms around me. "I thought I was going to lose you." she suddenly said before bursting into tears. 

I couldn't really believe what I was hearing. I didn't remember any of it. "It's OK Cass, I'm here." I managed to say. She let me go, held my hand and just looked at me. "You really scared me, you bitch." she said, trying to lighten the mood as she wiped her eyes. I appreciated that, but there was only one thing on my mind. "Cass, I want to see Ivy." I said before she'd even finished getting over my near-death experience. "Of course, I'll go ask them." she said with a sniffle. I was so confused about what she'd just told me... I actually pinched my arm to see if I was actually alive. My brain felt scrambled. 

Cass returned just a few minutes later dabbing her eyes with tissues. "They're going to bring her down now." she said as she stood beside my bed. I couldn't believe I was actually a Mother, that I had given birth to a Daughter. I was so nervous to meet her, but also so excited to finally hold her. I know technically I already held her, but I barely even remembered it.

Cassidy held my hand and sat on the side of my bed and kind of frowned at me. I could tell she wanted to say something, or ask me about something. I'd known her long enough to know when something was troubling her. "What?" I asked knowingly.
"Huh? Nothing." she said. I just looked at her waiting because I knew she was lying. "There's like, one hundred percent, no possible way that Jayce isn't her Father, right?" she questioned out of nowhere. What the hell?
"What? No." I replied with a frown. "You were with me when I did the tests, you heard all the things the nurses said." I added. "Why?" I questioned. She just kind of looked at me for a moment then smiled.
"No reason. She's absolutely beautiful and perfect." she gushed. Her words just made me want to see Ivy even more. I knew how much I was going to adore her the second I met her. 

Cassidy told me how well I did during labour, then shared the gory details that I really didn't need to know about. She also informed me that she'd spoken to my parents to let them know what happened, but hadn't told our friends as she thought I should be the one to share the news of Ivy's arrival. I was absolutely gobsmacked when I found out it was 11am the next day... I didn't realise I had been out that long and that I'd missed the first 14 hours of Ivy's life! That actually made me quite sad and even more desperate to hold her.

After about ten minutes of Cassidy filling me in, a midwife appeared at my door with a crib and wheeled it into the room with a smile. Cassidy stood up and the nurse came over to adjust my bed so I was sitting up and it felt like an eternity as I waited to actually have Ivy in my arms. "Just press your buzzer if you need anything, and I'll be back in a little bit. She's due to be fed soon." the nurse said as she scooped Ivy from the crib and placed her in my arms with a gentle smile. 

Ivy was fast asleep, now clean and bundled up in a soft pink blanket and the moment I was holding her I started crying. The feeling of love that flooded my body was completely overwhelming. She was warm and looked completely perfect; as perfect as a little doll in my arms in her tiny white beanie. Cassidy laughed and cried at the same time as she took photos and I couldn't stop smiling as the tears rolled down my face. I was completely in love with her. My heart had never felt so full. I kissed her tiny face and just stared at her in disbelief. I couldn't believe I had her in my arms, and I also couldn't believe that there was a time when I didn't want to be her Mother.

"Hi baby girl." I said nervously but happily. As if she heard me and recognised my voice, she squirmed then opened her eyes and stared up at me and I looked at her with so much love and happiness. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and my heart had swelled in my chest beyond belief. I was looking down at her feeling so overjoyed and so proud, but I started to feel kind of weird... kind of uncomfortable. My heart started beating faster and I felt my chest tightening. My hands were also going clammy. The longer I stared at her tiny face, the more my body reacted. I could feel my breathing changing as she squirmed and yawned in my arms, it  almost felt as if I was about to have a panic attack or like I knew something bad was about to happen. I looked at Cassidy silently and she was just staring back at me with a scared, concerned, knowing expression. "You see it, don't you?" she asked. I just looked back at Ivy staring up at me, then back to Cassidy and as I blinked, tears started silently running down my face. I felt like the blood was draining from my body and I went numb as I now stared straight forward into oblivion. "Take a deep breath." Cassidy said as she came and sat back on the bed like she knew I could faint or at least have a full-blown panic attack. 

I looked back down at Ivy again and everything started falling into place in my head... her skin was so pale, her lips had such a familiar shape and with her eyes now open, I could see how they drooped down at the sides in such a particular way. I just looked at Cassidy again and she was crying silently - I knew that she had already figured it out. She already knew what had just become obvious to me, that's why she asked me about Jayce before... I looked back down at my perfect, newborn daughter, and all I could see was Oli staring back at me.


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That brings us to the end of Part 3 of 'ROSES'.

Thank you so much for reading and sticking with this story. I hope you've enjoyed it, even though it was hurtful and dark most of the time!

Part 4 is coming very soon! ❤

What do you think is going to happen?!?!?! 

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