QUESTIONING

539 20 11
                                    

Oli arrived at my apartment just before midday the next day, our appointment with the testing centre wasn't until 2pm, but he wanted to come early to spend some time with Ivy. It was surprising but nice that he wanted to see her, to be around her. I never thought he was a bad person, but I didn't think he'd really embrace the sudden 'Dad' title that had been thrown upon him the way he had. Cassidy had just gone to work and was due home at 8pm, so his timing worked out perfectly.

As we sat on the couch, Oli was cuddling Ivy and I was paying some bills on my phone. I let out a huge yawn without even realising and Oli kind of chuckled. "How many times does she get you up in the night? Is it hard?" he asked. I was surprised that he wanted to know these things, but I liked that he did.
"It's not hard, just tiring... some nights once, sometimes twice. I fed her really late once and I got a full six hours. It was amazing." I said with a smile. He asked me about my studies in more depth and I told him I didn't know if I'd go back to Uni which made him frown. "I thought about day care, but it's so expensive and I wouldn't want to leave her anyway... then I thought about studying online, but I wouldn't be able to focus – I'm always too tired and I'd be distracted with her as she gets older... I don't know, I guess I'll see. Maybe when she starts school or something." I said. I felt sad saying that out loud and he clearly didn't how to respond because he just kind of looked at me with sympathy.

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[OLI]

Poor Roses. It's so unfair that she'll give up her dreams and the thing she's so passionate about for Ivy. I get it, and I'm sure Roses doesn't wish it was different or anything, but it really sucks. She was so into her eco, nature geek stuff... and she was obviously talented.

She literally has to give so much of herself to Ivy and sacrifice so much... I mean, she's always yawning. I feel so bad for her... I wish I could help.

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"This is, kind of a weird request but... could I stay here tonight?" he asked. "I can sleep on the couch, I'd just like to stay and learn from you. Maybe you can get a proper night's sleep if I can learn how to tend to her." he said with a sympathetic smile. I was taken back by his question, it was kind of him to try and help me, but I wasn't sure how I felt about him staying... I definitely wasn't sure how Cassidy would feel about it! "Well I'll have to check with Cass, but you can just sleep in my bedroom and I'll take Ivy's cot to Cassidy's room and sleep with her if she's cool with it." I replied. He just kind of smiled at me.
"Thank you, honestly though I can just sleep on the couch, I don't want to disrupt you, I just want the full parenting experience." he insisted. I liked that he actually referred to himself as a parent. I guess it just gave me a sense of comfort knowing that he had accepted it.
"I've shared a bed with Cassidy many times, don't worry. It's fine." I laughed. "Speaking of the full experience..." I said as I looked at Ivy, wearily opening her eyes as she emerged from her nap. "She needs feeding before we head out... do you want to try today?" I asked. He looked at me with concern and I kind of laughed at him. "You can't do anything wrong, I promise." I assured him.
"Well I guess I can try then." he replied.

As I warmed her bottle of milk in the kitchen, I messaged Cass to ask her about Oli staying the night and her reply wasn't really what I was hoping for, but probably exactly what I expected.

"Willow... are you serious?" she came back with almost straight away.

"He's trying to be a parent, Cass. He genuinely wants to learn how to care for Ivy." I responded. 

I knew why she hated Oli so much, honestly, I probably should have too, but I didn't hold grudges. I just couldn't hate him when he was being so genuine about bonding with his Daughter. It would just make things so much worse if I did anyway. 

"Wills, I just worry for you. I mean, you're not going to fall in love with him again, are you?" she questioned. Her words made my heart race with anger. Did she really think that little of me? What the hell kind of person did she think I was!?

"WTF Cass? Of course I'm not! I know he's not in my life by choice. I'm not some pathetic girl still hoping he has feelings for me after everything that happened, besides, he has a girlfriend!!! I'm not a homewrecker! I would NEVER be someone's side piece." I replied angrily. 

Honestly, I felt really attacked. It was rare for Cass to say or do anything that offended or hurt me, but her words did. Her attitude was so out of line. It wasn't even like her. She knew me better than to suggest what she was suggesting. 

"I know Wills... I know you wouldn't act on your feelings, but he's an asshole and I don't trust him. I just don't want you to get attached to him or get your hopes up or something. We all know what happened last time..." she said.

I felt so angry. Why did she even have to bring up what happened? She should have known better than to say shit like that when I was meant to be avoiding stress. It was probably the first time in my life that Cassidy didn't support me and my decisions. I understood her concerns; she was just trying to protect me, but I was fine. There was no ulterior motives or anything like that behind his request, or mine. Oli and I were so long ago, and while part of me liked the memory of what we had, I wasn't holding onto hope that we'd ever have it again, in fact, I knew we wouldn't. I quietly let out a heavy breath in frustration but I didn't want to argue with her or get angry, so I let all of her comments slide.

"Cass, he just wants to bond with Ivy and learn how to care for her. That's all this is. He actually just wants to try and help out, and frankly, it would be nice to have the help." I replied a little hastily. 

"OK, well, I'll come back after work and get some stuff and stay at a friend's place tonight. I'll give you guys some space." she replied. 

I told her she didn't need to do that, but she insisted. Honestly, she probably just didn't want to be around him and have to play nice. I did talk her into having dinner with us before she left though since I'd already planned it. I don't think she was thrilled about the prospect of having to sit, eat and make conversation with him, but I guess she was going to do it for me.

Cass' questions and attitude left me feeling frustrated. I felt as if for the first time ever, she didn't understand me, and didn't even want to. As I stood there angrily thinking about everything Cass had said, whilst also checking the temperature of the milk for Ivy, I could hear Oli talking to her. I couldn't hear what he was saying because he was too quiet, but Ivy let out a loud cooing sound and he looked around at me with raised eyebrows like he wondered if that was normal. He looked really shocked but I knew it wasn't anything bad, in fact it was quite the opposite. She clearly felt comfortable with him. "She's talking to you." I said with a smile. He turned back to her and kept whispering and she let out another loud response to him and he laughed. His laugh went all the way through me and it was like it just melted away everything. I forgot about my frustrations with Cassidy instantly. I hate to admit it, but my heart loved how excited he got over every silly little thing Ivy did. It was like everything she did surprised and delighted him and it was adorable how much he loved it. It was really nice that he was bonding with her but it genuinely surprised me how much Oli seemed to be enjoy it, especially after just one day and especially after everything he'd said in the past about not wanting kids. 

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