I never thought that giving Oli Sykes a plastic rose at my first BMTH show would lead to this...
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Two friends; Willow & Cassidy, travel cross-country following their favourite band, Bring Me The Horizon on to...
Once I knew that Oli was noticing my posts and looking at my stories, I can't deny that I wanted to post more. After Atlanta I went really quiet because I was feeling down, but now it was like I had a reason to be online again. I know. I'm pathetic... but in a way, his likes and messages were like drugs to me; hearing my phone beep or seeing a notification knowing it could be from him made endorphins flood my bloodstream. I know how ridiculous it sounds and I don't even know what I thought was going to happen from him seeing my photos, but I just wanted him to notice me. I was becoming a massive attention whore.
My week ended up the same as the last; Uni lectures Monday to Thursday, Studying on Friday, Tuesday night Meditation, Yoga on Monday and Thursday nights and then going out on Friday and/or Saturday night with friends and spending whatever part of the weekend Cassidy wasn't working with her. Oli saw my stories and reacted to a few things at first, but he never messaged me again and after Tuesday, he stopped interacting with me at all. Not even a like or a view or anything. He was being really quiet all of a sudden and it left me craving attention more than ever. Maybe he'd found someone else that he could actually see, touch... fuck.
I wanted not to care, but I did. I wanted his attention more than anything.
I think I hate being here. Sheffield is honestly such a boring place... there's nothing to see, nowhere to go, the weather is shit... and as soon as a tour ends, the guys all go back to their girlfriends and families and I'm just fucking alone.
It's fucking miserable just laying in bed wasting time on my phone, having too much time to think. And I hate being by myself all the time... But I can't even be bothered in getting some girl back here when I'm not even attracted to them. What's the point? I go out and there's not a single fucking girl that I want to touch with a ten-foot pole anywhere. I'm just so over the type of girls that throw themselves at me, they're so fake and slutty.
Eugh. When did I get so picky about who I fucking stick my dick in?
Because I was feeling neglected, I begged Cassidy to take Friday night off work so that we could go out drinking and dancing. I just wanted to go out, have fun and distract myself from constantly thinking about Oli and what he was doing. We invited another of our single friends and decided on dinner in Chinatown followed by drinks at a new nightclub we'd been wanting to go to. Cassidy was on a hook up mission and according to her I was too, but honestly, I was way more interested in just having fun with my friends. I guess I wasn't really interested in meeting anyone, or even pretending to be... I was still so hung up on Oli that nobody interested me. I wasn't anti-social of course; I still flirted and talked to guys, and I played wing-woman for my friends, but I knew I would be going back to my own bed and sleeping in it on my own. I just knew I wouldn't find anyone that could stack up to Oli Sykes, not that it surprised me.
Our friend bailed on us early and Cassidy wanted to go home with some guy, so I gave her my blessing and took an Uber home on my own a little after midnight. I was feeling more lonely than ever since my friends had ditched me, not that I minded... I would never stop Cassidy from having her fun. It wasn't like I wanted to go home with anyone anyway, I was just missing affection so much. It also didn't help that Oli hadn't shown me any attention in nearly a week... but I knew it wasn't a good idea to rely on him for happiness anyway. I hadn't taken a single photo all night, so I took a selfie and posted it before I took a shower then crawled into bed. Honestly, I was feeling pretty flat.
As I laid there in the dark, my phone beeped, and even though I shouldn't have looked to see who it was, I really wanted it to be Oli. If I'm being honest, I guess I had posted the photo secretly hoping that he would react to it and save me from my loneliness. Pathetic, I know.
When I saw his name in my messages, my heart thumped and when I saw that he'd called me 'gorgeous' I felt those endorphins rush through my body. It was nice that he'd called me that though. It seemed sweet and he didn't really ever say cute things like that to me.
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"It's really nice of you to say that. Thank you 🥰" I replied.
"Just the truth. You're fucking amazing." he typed back.
I couldn't help but smile. I felt so starved of affection and even though it was just words through a screen, it made me feel so good because they were coming from him. Compliments from Oli felt 100 times better than if they were coming from anyone else.
"You're pretty amazing too 😘" I said to stroke his ego.
