𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃

62 | something more

Nox

He smells nice.

Like softener, cedarwood and a hint of spice. It's simple and clean like him. He smells just like a pleasant summer evening when you've returned after a long walk and bathed under the sunlight; its intoxicating and I honestly can't get enough of him. I barely slept all night because he stayed and all I could focus on was him. I must have had maximum three hours of sleep; his presence is overall distracting. Not that I'm complaining, I love that he decided to stay, and I loved that he held me in his arms, not too tightly and certainly not too loose. I loved the way his breath fanned against the nape of my neck and how his fingers traced imaginary shapes all over my hips until he finally stopped as soon as he dozed off.

Part of me was tempted to wake him up, or just turn around and kiss him and just like that initiate that I wanted him again. Him inside me, touching me, fucking me relentlessly like he did before. I wanted him to pin my hands above my head like he did and tell me how angry he is, how much he wants to slam himself into me in order to vent out because I'd gladly accept it. I'd gladly accept him. For the first time it felt right. It felt good.

So fucking good.

And I want more.

I want to do more things to him.

But I couldn't make a move all night, because the other more logical voice of reason kept telling me that it wouldn't be right. He has been through enough already and I didn't want to pressure him into doing anything he didn't want to do. However, there was a small part inside me that felt guilty that I surrendered to my wants and desires so easily that I was almost inconsiderate about the fact that he just found out he got cheated on. What if he had sex with me only to distract himself from the pain he was feeling? What if all he wanted was to blow off some steam for the night?

I gulp hardly and bite on my nail as a bitter feeling floods my stomach. It wasn't like that for me though. My decision of ending things with Taehyung, as spontaneous as it looks from the outside, the more it makes sense as I look into it. I understand Jimin or at least I try to. He can get through me like no one ever has while at the same time he's the only one who can get under my skin to the point that it drives me to insanity.

Even when I was dating his best friend, somehow, I always found my way back to him. And the ugly truth is, I only kept Taehyung around because he was nice to me, and I didn't want to be alone. And as selfish as it sounds, I exploited all that he had to give me without considering his feelings. He tried to communicate with me, tried to reason with me about various personal matters but my walls were just too high, and I wasn't interested in breaking them down. Yet somehow whenever I'm around Jimin, everything flows out with such ease, he's the only person I can talk to.

I don't want to take advantage of him like I did with everyone else.

I want him to talk to me.

I want him to want me because he's genuinely interested in me. Not because he's hurt and feels the need to release whatever tension is bubbling up in his head.

A sigh leaves my lips as I smoothly turn around on the bed in order to face him. His pretty slender eyes are screwed shut, dark brown hair falling over them in dangling spikes; it has gotten longer, and I've noticed he gets easily irritable as they tend to poke his eyes. His cheeks have grown puffy and slightly pink because he's warm under my blanket. My gaze falls on his plump lips and the little dip on the center of the upper lip; it's so fucking cute especially when he smiles. But when he smiles it's not just his mouth because he somehow manages to radiate a vibrant smile from his eyes as well. His shoulders are relaxed, chest heaving up and down as he breathes in and out and I notice his bruised hand reaching over on my side of the bed and I suddenly feel soft. I want to kiss his fingers one by one and then kiss his lips, but I don't want to wake him.