CEO (MxB)

039 - Colour

It's been approximately 5 years, probably more. I thought I'm tougher.

I've trained myself to be stronger, to kiss my low self-esteem a sweet goodbye. To finally accept my past as a part of me and laugh at how fucking scared I was at that time.

Though it's a dark reminiscence of mine, I want to believe that it's just the process of my growth and journey to where I am now.

But no. I'm still the same scaredy-cat as I ever were. People say time heal, well, I guess 5 years aren't enough.

I ended up with a panic attack from the small conversation, most likely to be a one sided thing but the woman herself speaking activated thousand thoughts.

Memories I've locked away for years flashes before my eye as she speaks. The name alone made my hands trembling under the table.

I went to the bathroom as soon as I got to the office and locked myself in the furthest stall. I bawled my eyes out for at least half an hour, both hands shutting my mouth to not let any sobs audible to public.

It was horrendous. My throat hurt from holding back the sobs, my eyes felt heavy and my body sore from sitting in a weird angle on the floor yet it doesn't matter. Everything felt numb anyway.

It's lunch time, the restroom was packed as well and I had to cry in silent. I did hear a few yells and nagging outside the stall for me being too long but I don't care.

When I got out 30 minutes later, I were a mess. I looked myself in the mirror and I can say I am not myself.

As I expected, my eyes were puffy, my bottom lips is red from biting and my collar is wet. I also throw up in the toilet bowl, getting out my light breakfast out of my system and it got to my shirt.

I have a meeting in ten minutes and I looked so disgusting. What a lovely day.

Luckily, everyone been focusing during the meeting and no one really notice any difference with or they just don't care. Whatever it is, it spare me from the embarrassment.

It lasted for at least two hours when Mr Toons decided to dismiss the meeting. I stayed in the meeting room to tidy up while everyone else left.

I'm still overwhelmed by my emotion that I didn't understand a word they said. I'm not important so it doesn't really change anything. I bet no one aware that I spaced out most of it.

I took my time cleaning to waste time since it's only an hour left until the end of office hour. I just want to go home and sleep.

As if my stomach heard me, it made an angry growl. "Maybe munch something then sleep." I sighed.

I didn't get to eat anything. I threw the coffee in a random bin at the side road when I was on my way. My appetite to taste was long gone, it made me remember things I don't want. It made me sick to my stomach.

I grabbed one file that was abandoned at the end of the meeting table and walked out. Closing the door behind me before walking to my desk.

I was sitting on my chair, another episode of zoning out when Mr Dalley came up to me with a document. He smiled, "Hi, Cody. Are you busy?"

I'm so tempted to lie because first of all, I'm damn tired to go anywhere than my apartment. I know for sure, he's going to ask me to pass a document somewhere, judging from his sly smile he's flashing since he came.

Second of all, it's less than an hour left till the office hour ends and I just want to take a break for the rest of the time.

Yet, I don't know the excuse I'm going to pull. My head was too crowded to make an excuse so I just shake my head.