Today's the day that I have to get tested for STDs. It's been about two weeks since William and I made things official, there's things we need to work on but it feels right to say that I love him.
Anyway, I'm at the doctor, right now. Today was the soonest they could get me in and honestly, I'm also due for a pap smear, so might as well get it done while I'm here.
"Sadie Jameson!" A nurse called out. I got up from my seat and walked over to her.
We did the usual height and weight stuff and she took my vitals. Then it came to the fun questions, the part of the appointment that I never look forward to.
"I know you're here to get STD testing done but we will also be performing a pregnancy test when you provide your urine sample." She told me. I nodded as she handed me a urine cup. I'm on birth control, so I doubt I'm pregnant but I appreciate the warning.
I walked into the bathroom and wrote my name on the cup and began the challenge of getting my pee into the cup and not all over my hand. A challenge that I lose every fucking time.
After I finished getting whatever pee I could into the cup, I wiped off the outside and put it in the metal cubby that was in the bathroom and washed my hands.
I walked out of the bathroom and met back up with the nurse and she led me to the exam room.
"Your chart says you're due for a pap smear, would you be okay with getting it done today?" She asked. I nodded. Might as well.
"When was the first day of your last period?" She asked.
"Give me just a second, I have to look" I replied, she nodded as I pulled out my phone. I pulled up my period app and looked for the first day of my last cycle.
"July 6th" I told her.
"Are your periods usually all over the place?" She asked. I nodded. I usually only get them every three months thanks to my birth control.
"Okay, the doctor will be in momentarily, please dress down into this gown and put this sheet over your legs" she told me, handing me a gown and sheet.
-
After about twenty minutes, the doctor finally came in.
"Good morning, Ms. Jameson" my doctor greeted.
"Good morning" I replied quietly.
"Sorry about the wait, I just got the results of your pregnancy test" he told me.
"Negative, right?" I asked. He stayed silent for a moment.
"Right?" I asked again, looking for reassurance.
"It was positive. After we're done here, I'm going to put in an order to have your blood drawn to have your hormone levels looked at and to test your for HIV and AIDS" he told me. My eyes welled up with tears and my world fell apart.
-
I got done with my appointment and my blood work. I have to come back in two days to see if my hormone levels are rising, to make sure I'm actually pregnant or if I'm getting ready to have a miscarriage.
I feel like my world is falling down. I can't be pregnant. I take my birth control religiously, I take it at the same time every morning. I don't get it. What's the point of birth control if it doesn't do its job?
I'm not even sure if I should tell William. There's a possibility that it's not even his. It could very well be Auston's. I'm not even sure if I wanna keep it.
My life is just starting, I'm not sure if I can do this. I still live with my brother for Christ's sake! I don't wanna be like my mom.
I don't wanna have kids if I can't take care of them. My mom had three of them and she couldn't take care of us, which resulted in my oldest brother being the one to raise us, even though he's only five years older than me. I'm also worried about the fact that this thing's dad might not even want them. I don't want to repeat my life with this child.
This fucking sucks. Everything about this situation sucks. Fuck my fucking life.
-
I hope y'all are liking the story so far! Today's my birthday, so I felt like giving y'all two updates in one day lol. I also got a funko pop of Auston Matthews for my birthday and it's so cute
-Bri
