Unrequited Love

Prologue - Mikhail

5 years earlier

I watched as her pale, lifeless body was lowered to the ground. To a place where she'd be forgotten. A place where she ceased to exist and was nothing more than a dead body. Nobody would remember her or mourn her once that body was piled with dirt and the grave was closed.

Nobody would remember her smile or the way her eyes would crinkle at the corners as she teased me mercilessly. Or the way her mouth would turn down whenever she was upset or angry at one of us. These moments would fade and turn blurry day by day until one day I'd wake up and realise that that person was nothing but a distant memory.

I stood there motionless as I tried to grasp onto what was happening. My mind had caught up with the truth but my heart somehow wasn't ready to accept the fact that I would never wake up and see her again. I would never be able to hear her hum those corny love songs softly in the kitchen as she made us breakfast - ever the nurturing soul that she was.

Nevertheless, I didn't cry. I never did. I thought I would, seeing as the both of us were so close. But I couldn't...I just couldn't. A part of me acknowledged that this lack of display of emotions was because of all those years spent suppressing them. If there was one thing Sergei taught me well, it was that I should always be in control of my emotions. Never let them see your weakness, were his exact words.

Even in his drunken state, he had managed to spare a few words of advice for me, growing up. I tried to ignore his existence most of the time but it was hard since we lived under the same roof. Honest to God, I wanted nothing to do with that man. At least most of the time. I'd be lying if I said that a part of me didn't seek his validation for every action of mine. But the fact remained that he was a drunk. Actually scratch that...he still is a drunk.

His downward spiral and increasing reliance on alcohol over the years had caused a huge gap in the Petrov family. More often than not, he would neglect his duties and responsibilities which led to me taking over once I became of age. He'd never been a violent man, but he'd never acted like a responsible adult either.

Speaking of the devil himself, I saw him standing by the corner, away from prying eyes as he nursed a now empty bottle of bourbon acting as disinterested as ever. One would think that he was simply there for the sake of it and not because he happened to be related to the woman in question. I swear I sometimes felt that the man had the emotional range of a teaspoon.

Although, to be quite frank, that was a bit rich coming from me since I never expressed myself either. But that didn't mean that I never felt anything. While I was here, comforting Sofia as she wept on my shoulder, he was the perfect image of nonchalance. One would go as far as to say that he was completely unaffected by death, which was true in a way - being in the Bratva would do that to you over time.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I turned around to look who it was that was about to offer their condolences this time. To my surprise,it was Dimitri who had grasped my shoulder in a tight hold. I saw the intensity of his gaze as several emotions flitted across his eyes. One of them I recognised very well - pain.

For as long as I had known Dimitri, he had been my rock. He would always be there for me, offering words of advice as I took up the role of Pakhan of the Russian Bratva at the tender age of 20. He had stood by me and pushed that I was more than capable of leading our brotherhood. Besides, I was the next male heir in the Petrov family anyways so the title of Pakhan was rightfully mine, if you go to see it that way.

Even so, I appreciated the fact that I had him in my corner. At a time where every single person was doubting my capabilities as a leader, he was the one who talked them into giving me a chance. And thankfully, I had proved him right so far. Although,the pessimist in me always feared that the day that I would fuck up was looming right above my head.

Dimitri's hand dropped at the same as a loud wail sounded in the cemetery. Startled at the loud noise in such a quiet atmosphere, I realised that it was Sofia who had let out that pained sound. I squeezed my arm tighter around her - the only thing I could do to reassure her at the moment. It pained me to see my baby cousin so anguished - although she wasn't really a baby anymore now, at the age of 20. I felt like she was mirroring the exact emotions that I was going through internally at the moment.

Tearing my eyes away from Sofia's tiny body that wracked with sobs, I looked over to the pile of the dirt from where only her face could be seen. Her red hair was spread around her head like a halo - as if she were some angel sent from the heavens above. It was pretty ironic really, since she had been Satan's child when she was alive.

From here, I could see the scar that adorned her forehead even through the little gap from where her face was peeking out. A bitter laugh threatened to spill out of my mouth as I remembered all those times that we had spent together. How had I never noticed? Those scars and bruises that she often concealed with makeup, and if one of us spotted the marks, she would evade our questions by giving vague answers.

I should have known. I should have known what that fucker was capable of. Had I stepped in at the right time, we wouldn't have been here today. I would never forgive myself for being such a coward. I could have done something. I should have done something. This was just another sign that I was definitely going to hell for all the sins I'd committed in this life - they were more than enough to last me for another lifetime.

Her white dress which she loved was completely covered by the dirt and was no doubt, ruined at this point. I could practically hear her voice, berating us for allowing her pretty dress to get dirty. My lips tipped up at the corner as I basked in those wonderful memories. Memories that seemed as if they had happened a lifetime ago. Well, that's how it feels like when you lose someone you truly love.

Personally for me, there were very few people that I could say owned my heart. But the ones that did, knew that I would go to the ends of the earth for them - even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness in exchange for theirs. My train of thought was cut off as Dimitri tapped my shoulder and jerked his head to the side, indicating that it was time to go.

It seemed that Sofia had understood the message too since she struggled out of my grasp and ran towards the grave as if her life depended on it. As if on cue, drops of rain fell onto the grass as the smell of petrichor wafted in the air.

I didn't fight her or tell her to come back. The herds of people that had come to give their condolences, dispersed one by one as I stood frozen in place - watching Sofia break down. Dimitri and Sergei had made their way out as well, leaving Sofia and I alone in the graveyard. In that moment, time stood still for the both of us.

I revelled in the feeling of the rain splattering on my face. It was then, after everyone had gone, that I allowed the dam to break. My tears mingled with the droplets of water as I swallowed harshly, not making a single sound. I could still hear Sofia's whimpers as her shoulders shook with the force of crying so hard.

Allowing myself the luxury of breaking down, I fell to my knees as an anguished roar made its way out of my throat. As if sensing the somber atmosphere, it started raining even harder as raindrops pelted down, drenching my black suit in the process. We both stayed there for God knows how long until we became numb. Numb to the entire world. Numb to the pain that shot across my heart every time someone even mentioned her name.

If there was one thing that her death had taught me, it was that I didn't deserve redemption for my sins. Ever. I didn't deserve to find happiness in life - because I was a monster. And I would pay for the mistakes I had made - that much was for sure. But what I didn't know was that this was just the beginning of the end. Something that would wreck my life forever.

***

A lil peek into Mikhail's past. I'm sure y'all must be having a LOTTA questions lmao. I cannot wait to see your reactions to how this story unfolds.

P.S. This scene and the idea of writing a prologue hit me when I was nearly done with writing my first draft for Unrequited Love :)

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