Rembrandt Must Die

RMD XXXII

Celestine Abcde/

Napabuga ako ng hangin pagkabukas ng exit door sa rooftop ng Primrose. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kabog sa dibdib ko at ang mga luhang nagpapaunahan sa pagtakas.

I had that same dream again.

That identical dream, starting with my father leaving that night and ending with my mother hugging me firmly one final time before the bullet pierced our skin. It wasn't always like this: this phenomenon started after a series of deep mental recall exercises with Bryton with years of working under him.

My feet have brought me to the ledge where I heaved myself up. The wind blows against me as if I'm just a stick without the fear of falling at least a thousand feet to the ground. I shut my eyes to go back to the things that had happened that my mind slowly flashes everything in pictures for easy recalling.

Ever since I told my parents that I can recall some memories that were created when I was only one year old, they knew I was smart. They had a great pride for it, and everyone we knew that time said the same thing. I pretty much thought I was flawless on that aspect, but the irony stuck when I couldn't recall what happened when I woke up with a bullet stuck inside my chest. It was the only life changing event that happened to me, yet somehow it was erased, as if my flawless mind screwed up.

"Abcde, gising ka na." I don't recognize her, but it was the first thing I heard clearly as soon as I opened my eyes. "Ako nga pala si Atty. Helen Floresca, I work for your mom and dad," she said as quietly as possible.

I tried to recall what happened and why am I on an unfamiliar bed; internally reasoning out on why she is in front of me... and it only brought me to a reminder of what it meant once I met an Atty. Floresca on the night of my 9th birthday.

"Celestine, anak." Tumingala ako sa kanya, bago niya ko hilahin palapit sa kanya kahit magkatabi lang kaming nanonood ng tv. "If there comes a time you meet a lawyer named Helen Floresca..." My mother paused as if there was a lump on her throat.

"It means that we are gone." My father heaved out a huge air as he struggled to tell me that. "She's the only one you can trust..."

"We are only telling you this, but it doesn't mean this will happen. We just decided that you should know..." My mother added as she sniffed my hair.

Naramdaman kong umalis sa tabi ko ang tatay ko, at nakita ko siyang bumaba sa lebel ko. "I promise you, my darling." He always makes promises on my eye level, "I'll make sure you won't ever get to meet her."

At that age, I only knew that my father was handling a company that involved meeting a lot of people because he is always out for meetings and calls with them; while my mother was a doctor. I didn't ask any question or explanation, since what they do is already on their job title. I never bothered knowing the extent to that, because I had no clear reason to do so. They were always after giving me a good life- they called it normal life and I never really understood why.

I was sure that my cries were loud enough on the night Atty. Floresca met with me. From thereon, I continued crying my heart out every single night. The loudest cry was when I turned eleven, in a rest house I wasn't familiar with, until a month ago after being discharged from the hospital. Atty. Floresca sat me down for a conversation I have been avoiding.

"You're 11, Abcde..." she said almost whispering. "It's their pride and joy that you're way too smart to understand things, and I know you are knowledgeable about my existence in your life."