Again (A Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

36

Morgan sits alone in her kitchen with a glass of her favorite Scotch. It's her third glass and she's feeling pretty numb. It's been a long time since she felt so alone. And she doesn't like it at all.

Morgan looks at her phone for the hundredth time. No messages. No calls. No texts. Nothing from Jesse. And nothing from Jordan.

She feels abandoned.

She feels lost.

She feels fucking mad.

Morgan downs her drink and pours another one.

She decides she needs to hit something. She needs to hit something hard. But she doesn't have anything or anyone to hit.

She laughs at herself. "You're so pathetic Morgan. Stop sniveling and go to bed already." She laughs again. "And for fuck's sake stop talking to yourself."

Morgan downs her last drink. Bed sounds like exactly what she needs.

Morgan gets up from the table and she stumbles. She tries to catch herself from falling by grabbing her chair. But the chair falls over backwards and she puts her arm out to catch herself from falling. She ends up putting her arm through one of her kitchen windows.

"Shit!!"

Morgan feels a sharp pain go up her arm then wetness. She looks down and there's blood pooling on the floor at her feet. "Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!" She starts to freak out a little. She's bleeding really badly. She holds her arm above her head and then blood runs off her elbow into her hair. She's drunk enough this makes her laugh. It finally dawns on her to wrap a towel around her arm.

She starts feeling dizzy and thinks she needs to sit down. Then she looks at her arm again. The towel is already soaked through with blood. She decides she needs to get some help. She picks up her phone but it slips out of her hand and falls into the puddle of blood. "Fuck!"

Morgan looks out her kitchen window over at Marlene's house. She heads next door but feels really light headed when she gets to her front steps. So she sits down to rest. She finds it hard to keep her eyes open.

"Morgan! Morgan! Open your eyes baby, please. Come on Morg open your fucking eyes. Hey there you are. What the hell did you do? Where's all this blood coming from? Hey stay awake." Jordan pants Morgan's cheek, a little harder than she appreciates.

"Hey asshole that hurt." Morgan opens her eyes and Jordan smiles at her.

"Hey beautiful. What happened to your arm?" He takes her arm and opens the towel to get a look at where the blood is coming from. When he sees the long gash up her arm he gets a little scared. "Holy shit Morg. How'd you do this?"

"Too much Scotch and a kitchen window. Bad combination. It was an accident Jordan. Stop looking at me like I did this on purpose."

Jordan wraps the towel back around her arm. "I didn't say you did anything on purpose."

"Who told you?" Morgan suddenly seems very aware.

"Who told me what?" Jordan holds her arm up. "I need to get you to the hospital Morg. Where's your purse? I'll go get it and then we're going to get your arm stitched up."

When Jordan comes back out with her purse, he digs around inside it until he finds her keys. "We'll take your car. Come on." He tries to help her up but she resists him. "Morgan I'm not fucking around, get your ass in the car before you fucking bleed to death right here on your front steps."

"Tell me who told you Jordan. And what they told you. You tell me and I'll go."

"Fine. Get in the car and I'll tell you."

This satisfies her. She gets up to go to her car. Everything goes black when she stands up. Thankfully Jordan's right there to catch her.

Morgan's laying on a hospital bed when she opens her eyes again. "What happened?"

"Hey babe. God you scared the shit out of me. The doctor already came in to see you. You're all stitched up, but the doctor says he wants you to talk to another doctor before you go."

Morgan rolls her eyes. "I'm not talking to another doctor. I don't need to talk to this other doctor Jordan." She sees the question on his face. "It's a psych doctor. And I'm not crazy. This was an accident. I swear. Stop looking at me like that, I didn't try to kill myself. Look whatever you were told, my overdose was not on purpose. I didn't want to die. I just didn't want to feel what I was feeling at the time."

Jordan takes her hand. "I didn't think you did it on purpose. I'm sorry for the part I played in that."

"Stop apologizing. You've more than made up for it." She pulls her hand from him. She can't stand this, oh so comforting Jordan right now.

"So what did happen when you overdosed? If it wasn't on purpose how did you end up taking enough to almost kill yourself?"

Morgan exhales. He's the last person she ever wanted to discuss this with. "Look J, I was just in a really bad place. I was tired of being sad. I was tired of being all alone. I'd lost the two most important people in my life on the same day. I just wanted one day, one day that I didn't feel that loss anymore. So I took my Xanax. It didn't help, so I took more. It still didn't work. Then I found some of my mom's morphine. In my mind I thought, that's what I'd give her when she was in pain. So I took it too. Unfortunately I took all of it. I didn't think it would kill me. But no one believed me. But I swear to you J, I was not trying to hurt myself."

Jordan feels better after hearing her side of the story. And he believes her. "Thank you for sharing that with me Morg. Do you feel like talking about what happened today? I'm really sorry I kissed you like that. What did you say to Jesse? I'm guessing you told him the truth and that's why he's not here?"

Morgan looks down at her hands. "He asked if I'd slept with you and I couldn't lie. So now he knows about us and he left me."

"He broke up with you?"

"Not yet. He said be needs some time to decide if he can forgive me. And he told me I needed to decide who I want to be with, you or him."

Jordan doesn't know how to feel at this moment. He thinks back to the conversation he had with Donnie this afternoon. Could he give up his life in New York to move back to Dorchester if she chose him? Would he, is a better question. He loves New York. And he's never even considered moving back to Boston let alone Dorchester. But would he be willing to do it if it meant spending the rest of his life with Morgan? He honestly wasn't sure. He'd really like to believe he would, for her. But he's been known to make really selfish decisions before, has he really changed all that much? Could he finally put someone else before himself?

Luckily it's not a decision he has to make right this second.

"Look J, I'm really tired and in a lot of pain, and still a little drunk. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I really just want to go home right now. Can you see about getting me out of here please?"