Again (A Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

19

Jordan finds Abby upstairs packing her bags. He feels terrible for yelling at her like he did. But she has to understand Morgan isn't just another woman.

"Abby, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

Abby stops packing and turns to him. "Are you in love with her Jordan?"

Her question takes him by surprise. They've never discussed their past relationships. He's never so much as mentioned Morgan to Abby. He's not really sure how to answer this question.  "Jordan it's a simple yes or no answer. Either you're in love with her or you're not."

"Abby, it's not that simple. There's a long, complicated history between Morgan and I. There's no simple answers when it comes to Morgan. So it's better we just leave it alone. Go back to New York. Get back to our lives."

Abby wasn't expecting that to be his answer. She had honestly expected him to confess how much he loved Morgan. And eventhough he didn't deny it, he wanted to go back to New York with her. "Yes, let's go back to New York. I'm ready when you are. We can get on a flight tonight."

Jordan knows the best thing he can do is leave. Just go back to his life in New York and force himself to stay away from Morgan. She'd found someone new, someone good, someone who wouldn't run when things got tough. He needed to just leave her alone. She'd had enough hurt from him and him leaving was the best thing for her.

"Yeah get us flights back to New York for tomorrow or the next day. I still need to take care of a few things with mom and my brother. But then I'll be ready to go home." Jordan was glad she seemed pleased with his suggestion and stopped asking questions about Morgan.

Two days go by and Jordan doesn't so much as catch a glimpse of Morgan. He doesn't want to leave without telling her goodbye though. Doesn't look like he's going to have a choice.

All the way to the airport, through security and waiting at the gate his mind is on Morgan. He shouldn't leave without saying something to her. It's not right. He owes her more than this. As they begin to board the plane Jordan can't go, he can't just leave. It's his turn to board and he can't make his feet move forward. Abby turns back and sees him just standing there. "Jordan what are you doing? It's time to board."

He smiles at her. "Yeah I know. But I forgot something. I really need to talk to Jon about this project I'm working on. I need to get his input before I go back home. You go. I'll catch a later flight." He leans towards her and gives her a quick kiss.

"No Jordan I'll stay too. I don't mind taking a later flight."

"No really Abs, go home, I'll be a few hours behind you. There's no need for both of us to stay. And once I get this last thing taken care of I'll be back home and all yours. Now go. I'll see you tonight." One more quick kiss and she reluctantly walks onto her awaiting flight back to New York. Jordan watches her go down the gang plank then pulls out his phone.

"Hey I'm really glad you answered. I need to see you. Can you meet me for coffee? I don't know somewhere over by the airport? Great. I'll see you there." Jordan puts his phone back in his pocket and exhales. This is his last chance to say everything he wants to say. To get everything out on the table and to make amends. To finally relieve himself of all the regrets and the guilt he's felt the last five years.

Jordan actually feels nervous walking into the diner they agreed to meet at. Morgan's already sitting at a booth in the very back. Good, Jordan thinks. It's away from everyone else and they don't have to worry about anyone paying then attention. "Hi" he says as he sits down across from her. "Hi" is all she says in response.

Jordan takes a deep breath and jumps right in. "Thank you for meeting me. I couldn't leave without talking to you. I mean really talking to you. I owe you a explanation. You deserve to hear from me, not my mom, why I did what I did. And not that bullshit explanation I gave you after the wedding. Morgan I was so stupid and selfish for doing what I did. I should have manned up and been there when you needed me. You didn't deserve what I did to you. I loved you so fucking much. And when your mom got so sick I felt like my own mom was sick. I was scared of getting stuck in Dorchester forever. I wanted out, we'd decided we were not going back. We'd decided we were moving to New York. But I knew you couldn't do that with your mom so sick. And I was being a selfish dick, making sure nothing kept me from getting to go to New York. I made the plan to break your heart so you'd break up with me and I'd be free to go. I knew I'd fucked up the instant I saw your face. I regretted my decision and couldn't figure out how to make it right. But I was determined to fix it. So I came to the funeral. Donnie stopped me outside your house though. He told me what a piece of shit I was for doing that to you. And he said if I so much as spoke to you he'd kick my ass. I knew he was serious. I'd never seen him so mad at me. He told me you hated me and that I should just go to New York and never come back. So after the funeral that's what I did. It took about two years for him to start talking to me again. Morgan I want you to know how truly sorry I am. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take back the last five years and have spent them with you. I've missed you so much. And I never stopped loving you. Not even for one day. You are the love of my life. I'll live the rest of my life trying to find another you. Which I know will never happen, but damn I have to try. I am glad you're happy though. That's good to see. It's torture but it's good. That's all I ever prayed for, for you to find love and happiness again. Even if it wasn't with me."

Morgan just stares at him across the table. She has no words. She just reaches out and takes his hand. She gets out of the booth and pulls him along with her. Luckily they hadn't ordered anything yet. Morgan walks out of the diner with purpose. When they get around the parking lot she finally turns to look at him. "Will you join me?" She asks as she motions to their right.

When Jordan looks in the direction she's pointing. It's a motel. A small, but nice motel. Jordan had never seen it before. It's then that it suddenly hits him what she's asking him. "You want to get a room?"

"I already got one." Morgan says as she almost shyly holds up a key.