The Way It Ends

45. Lifeless

They went back in complete silence later that day, after Dr Wyatt told the chief it would be safer if they didn't work today.

There was so much Derek wanted to say. All he wanted to do was just hold her tight and tell her how much he loves her. How he will never ever leave her no matter how hard she tried to push him away. She is his oxygen and he needs her to live. 

After he kissed her again after almost a year, something in him was lifted and he could breath. He saw many doors open in front of him as the kiss became more intense. And that feeling has not left him. If not it got bigger.

He parked the car in front of the trailer and looked at Meredith. She hasn't moved an inch. He wasn't sure she even realised that they have stopped.

"Meredith," he said her name quietly.

She turned her face, looking blankly at him. He was just another human in her way.

"We're home," he said.

She turned back and saw the trailer, "Oh," she whispered before unstrapping herself and got out the car. They walked in and Meredith went straight for the bed and sat down, only to be looking out of her mind. Derek went over and kneeled down before her.

"Would you like me to get you something to eat?" He asked.

"No," she shook her head.

"Okay," he whispered, "Then let's go take a shower and cuddle up together for the day," he offered her his hand.

She hesitated at first but put her hand in his and let him lead her to the shower. Derek touched the hem of her t-shirt asking for approval to take it off but she didn't say anything. He continued to undress her until she was naked and exposed. Scars were still visible on her body but he ignored them because however she looked she would still be beautiful in his eyes.

He turned on the hot water and undressed himself too. He got in, pulling Meredith with him and let the water wet her hair as she leaned her head back, exposing her neck to Derek. Which only made him want her more. He was now fully erect but chose to ignore it and continued to press soap on the loofah. He gently massaged the soap into her skin, making her feel pleasure. She closed her eyes letting go of everything and letting Derek take care of her.

"Derek?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"I really don't feel like having sex."

"I don't expect you too," he answered as he turned her over to clean her from the back.

"But you are more than ready," she said, still lifeless.

"That is something you don't need to worry about," he removed the hair that was stuck on her cheeks and gave her a soft kiss.

"But-,"

"No buts," he stopped her and turned her to face him, "All you need to worry about is falling asleep." His thumbs caressed her cheeks as he looked into her eyes that were still lifeless.

"Will you hold me?" She asked, wrapping her hands around his waist.

"All night," he smiled weakly.

"I love you," she whispered, the smallest of sparkle appearing in her eyes.

"Hmm, I love you too," he repeated and leaned over her to turn off the water.

He helped her out of the shower and wrapped her in a warm towel. Tears were rolling down her cheeks again.

"Oh honey," Derek sighed pulling her in close, "It's okay, I'm here," he whispered and kissed the top of her head.

"I know, it's just... today-,"