The Way It Ends

23. I'm here

You can't kill me after this chapter!
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Meredith couldn't believe this time would ever come. Where she can do anything she wanted without the thought of getting into trouble. She could finally walk out to her car without being scared. Scared that someone is about to snatch her.

But there was a side of her where she knew this wasn't over, there was something bothering her. She can't really put her finger on it as to what it is but she knows there's something that just doesn't fit.

She kept telling herself that there's no one out to get her and it's just aftermath of the trauma she went through. Her therapist told her that's a possibility.

"So Meredith," the therapist said as she went in to her early session, "any nightmares lately?"
"No," she lied.
"You know if you lie, that won't help you," she looked at her with a concerned look. Meredith laid back on the couch and sighed out loud.
"I might've had one or two." She said quietly.
"Are they all the same?" She started writing into her notebook.
"Sometimes they change, but just a little bit," she told her.
"How do they change?"
It was a bit difficult for her to start talking as she was remembering the dreams she was having, "Well there was ughm," she cleared her throat.
"Just take your time," she comforted her.
"They all end the same, I'm laying somewhere and Finn is er, Finn is laying over me," she looked up at her, trembling from fear. "The scenery always changes," she looked back down, playing with her hands, "and Derek always comes in, appears, shaking his head in disappointment. And er, ughm," she cleared her throat, tears welling up in her eyes, scenes of her dream flashing back, "I can't help it think," her voice cracked, "I-," she sniffed, looking up to the ceiling hoping she won't break down, "that he's going to leave me." She looked at her therapist in despair.
"Why do you think that?" She leaned in closer.
"I don't know!" She stood up annoyed, "you're the therapist, you tell me,"
"Okay Meredith sit down," she tried to calm her. "Do you think your the reason you feel like this is because you think that it's your fault that you were assaulted? And no one could ever love you for that?"
"I-," she fell back on the couch realising something. "Am I going to be like this forever? Pushing people away so they don't judge me?"
"Not if you work hard to get better," the therapist leaned back into her chair writing her notes.
*beep beep*
"Thank you Dr Wyatt," Meredith stood up to her pager, "See you next time." She started walking out.
"But Dr Grey we're not finished," she turned around trying to stop her. But Meredith didn't listen, she was already out the door.

(time jump)

Derek was finally getting discharged today. He was going home, sleeping in his own bed. He'd much rather sleep in Meredith's bed but things have been weird between them lately. She's been distant. Hardly talking to him. It made him wonder if he did something wrong, if she still hadn't forgiven him.
"Hey," she knocked on the door.
"Hi!" He was filled with elation. Derek walked up to her and pulled her into a tight long hug. But for some odd reason Meredith pulled away, got uncomfortable and stepped back. "Is everything okay?" Derek looked hurt.
"Yeah everything's fine. Do you need help with the packing?" She asked, moving away from him.
"Uhm, no I'm good, thanks," he looked at her still confused, his eyes never leaving her.

They stood there in silence for what seemed like an eternity till Derek broke the silence, "Would you mind staying over tonight?" He asked in the most awkward way possible.
"Oh I wish I could but I have to, I'm on call tonight. But next time?" She asked heading to the door.
"No wait Meredith," he called after her.
"Yeah?" She stopped and turned around.
"I checked and your off early today. What's going on? Did I do something? Are you mad at me?" He started rambling, scared of what the answer might be.

Meredith stepped closer to him and placed her palm on his cheeks, "You did nothing wrong," she said softly. Derek touched her wrist and nestled into her hand, "Then why are you always making excuses to not to be with me?" He asked.
"It's complicated," Meredith removed her hand.
"I'm here for you, you know that." He touched her shoulders.
She nodded lightly and tried to fled the room before Derek grabbed after her making her squint her eyes in fear. "I'm sorry," he let go of her immediately.