𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃

47 | affected

It feels like I'm holding back a scream that I've never unleashed and the way my body resists its desire to just let it all out, is by indulging in complete, utter silence. I can't talk and besides, I have no one I can speak to. I guess the only people I'd actually talk to are Evelyn, but I can't do that anymore.

Taehyung is one of the people I trust the most, but he's very busy lately with his new tutoring job so I don't want to bother him. Dylan is dealing with his own issues, while Sam... honestly, even though Sam is one of my closest friends, it's hard for me to talk to him. He's always been the lighthearted one of the group, I guess you could say that he's like the glue that keeps us together, but I can tell that when he's hanging out with me he's trying to prevent himself from saying what's really in his mind. It's frustrating when you can tell apart the lies from the truth. But what's worse, is that Sam lies to me, by telling the truth.

And then by evading the subject altogether.

I'm currently making breakfast food for dinner, since I don't have the energy to actually cook myself something other than ramen, so I settle on making a bagel sandwich. All of the foods I've been consuming these days, came directly from the box, so it's nice to make something homemade for a change. After toasting the good old bagel, I stuff a fried egg and some bacon slices that stick to the melted cheese. I add some spinach, two slices of tomato and caramelized onions that to my surprise; I didn't burn to bits. Then I squirt a little bit of barbecue sauce and quickly regret it a few seconds later, but I go with it.

I pour myself some orange juice and plop down on the chair, unable to contain myself from digging into my masterpiece of a bagel when the sound of the bell ringing makes me shift uncomfortably on my seat. My blood boils at the thought that someone dared to interrupt me from having a decent meal, but I head to the door regardless and once I open it, color me surprised when the person I see is someone I haven't seen in months.

Ever since Evelyn and I broke up.

"Hey, darlin did you miss me?" Cassie says with a gentle smile.

My annoyance and hunger dissipate immediately as soon as I catch a glimpse of her playfully dark brown curly hair, bright eyes, freckled brown skin and luminous smile. She looks different since the last time I saw her; more lively, colorful even. Her wild spirals are dyed a lighter brown towards the edges and her thankfully her figure looks fuller now. She gained weight at all the right places and she looks stunning.

"Cassie, you're back," I beam.

Ever since her boyfriend of five years had passed away, it took a giant toll on her and she stopped eating and functioning like a human being. Cassie could barely focus on her studies and she failed all her subjects that particular semester. Her anxiety was getting out of hand, to the point that she was forced to take the entire year off. Her mental health started deteriorating and there wasn't much I could do until the funeral started. Evelyn and I had our own problems too during around that time and we had one of our biggest fights because I would try to be around her as much as possible, trying to make sure that she wouldn't go off the rails and hurt herself.

That's when she decided to leave Sunleth and go to Wyoming, and more specifically to Jackson Hole, at her boyfriend's hometown where they had the funeral and I couldn't even be there for her, because of the shit Evelyn and I were going through.

I still feel guilty for neglecting my friend the moment she needed me the most.

But now, seeing her in front of my door like this... I can barely contain my excitement when I reach out for her and give her the tightest, most smothering hug she can handle. We spin around gleefully when she giggles in my arms. She's wearing high heels and that makes her slightly taller than me and as we spin and spin like laughing idiots in the hallway, we almost hit the wall on the elevator and she accidentally steps on my foot.