The Fifth Member (Little Mix/Perrie Edwards GxG)

Chapter 66

Beth's POV:

Okay, I need to have the guts to do this now.

I already threw gasoline all around me and on myself as well. I had matches in my hand and was slowly preparing myself mentally.

It's only fair that I die this way. After all I killed my entire family that way.

I texted Sam to let her know I really just couldn't anymore, but I didn't wanna write an entire paragraph on how fucked up I am and how selfish of me it is to not care about how my death would affect her.

Alright, whatever. I'm stalling.

I picked up the matches from my lap with shaky hands.

One, two, thr-

"Drop the matches you fucking idiot." Sam yelled and was standing right next to me suddenly.

"Get out." I said

"No I'm not. You get out with me." She said pulling me up.

"No! I don't want to live anymore! Sam this entire time I've been completely avoiding the fact that they are dead. When I didn't have the time to think about it because of the intensity of our career I didn't even remember that they were truly gone. Adding to all of that my previous fucked up head thanks to Kristen it really wasn't a good mix. I'm sure you know already I took Xanax. Now they won't ever forgive me. Perrie won't ever forgive me. I can't be here anymore. I just want to sleep and never wake up." I said all of this becoming completely hysterical.

Tears were running down my face and I tried to wipe them away but they were too many.

"Beth." Sam said barely audible also crying.

"Please just get out. See the positivity in me being gone, you won't have a completely fucked up and selfish best friend." I said.

"No. As a matter of fact, you want to leave me here? You want to just go without me? Nah it ain't that easy. Do you think it has been any easier for me? Do you think, I didn't have a hard time accepting they are gone either? I know they were your family by blood, but they were just as much mine. Now you are the only one I have in this world. You know ma was never really much of a mother. No idea where my father is. All I have is you. And I won't let you leave me here. Do you even know, how many times I had to fight these thoughts away? A lot. And do you know what helped me get through it? You. I still have you and that's more than enough for me to stay here. Do you know how many nightmares I had? Being in a house fire isn't easy. Do you know that I was shaking the entire way driving here, because I wasn't ready to see this place? All of that, you are the only reason I pulled through. So you wanna kill yourself? Well then you will have to kill us both I guess." Sam said and I was still crying the entire time.

I know that this has been just as hard on her. I am such a bad friend. Literally. What she's basically telling me is, you are enough for me to stay, am I not enough?

"Sam... you know exactly you are the most important person in my life with no question." Sam started laughing cutting me off.

"Put me second. Or at least Perrie is on my level now." She said.

My insides started hurting again. Perrie.

"That's another reason I want to be gone. She is the most amazing person I know. You know her, she is so... pure and adorable, I'm tainting that. Honestly she could have anyone, literally anyone, and she still chose to stay with me. I just don't get it. And now... I've disappointed her and she wanted to break up with me. Well that would create an obvious divide in Little Mix and our career would be done. If I'm gone, they will get their well deserved publicity and it'll make them even closer." I said.

"This again..." Sam sighed and muttered.

"Listen to me, I know that what Kristen did to you is the reason for all of your doubts and insecurities, it would be the same for anyone. But that bitch is still rotting in Fordwich while you have a banging career and awesome friends. It's pretty clear that she always put you down because she felt bad about herself. While you are 10 out of 10. No, 20 out of ten, she is barely a five. She knew that, everyone knew that. I can without a doubt say you always were the hottest person in our school. That's why all of them joined in. Your beauty made everyone insecure about themselves." Sam said.

"So whatever Kristen always said and did? All of it was just to make you believe you aren't, so you wouldn't even try and try more to be invisible." Sam added.

I've completely forgotten my actual plan with all this talking.

"Sam can you please get out now." I said.

"Why? Why do you still feel the need to do this?" She said desperately.

"All of this didn't actually change the fact that I disappointed them. Her. She won't take me back. I've gotten so used to her. I let my guard down. With all of them, but with her especially. She made everything better, lighter. Her entire vibe was just so homey and positive, it felt safe. The way she treated me as if I was the most precious person in the world. She was literally perfect for me. But of course, I had to mess up." I said.

"It will work out Beth. She didn't even say that she was gonna leave you. You just panicked. Come out with me. Or else I will stay here and die with you. Would you like that?" She asked.

"How did you even find me?" I asked annoyed. I wasn't ready to do this, but that doesn't matter.

"You've been my best friend our entire life. Can't fool me that easily." Sam smiled.

I sighed and thought about it. Sam won't leave. There's no way in hell she will.

I can't make her either.

Fuck it. Guess today ain't my day to die.

I stood up slowly and Sam sighed to herself in relief.

"Let's go." She pulled me with her.

Outside stood the four girls I wasn't ready to face at all.

Especially with my appearance right now. I haven't been sleeping well to begin with, but the circles under my eyes were especially apparent right now. I was drained in gasoline and my eye twitched.

They were crying, hysterical. As soon as I stepped out of the mansion they trapped me in a hug.

No words were spoken and Sam sighed to herself again.

I'm not ready to talk about all of this at all.