The Fifth Member (Little Mix/Perrie Edwards GxG)

Chapter 60

Beth's POV:

It was 1 am when I woke up in a pool of sweat.

I jolted up with a gasp. Perrie was still sleeping. Damn it. Now the bed is all sweaty because of me.

This dream just killed my entire progress. Just why? Why Now?

Yesterday I already had a not so pleasant dream but it was bearable.

But this one, oh this one.

I looked to the girl next to me with tears streaming down my face.

I have to end this.

I'm stringing her along. She makes me genuinely happy. I need her. I need her help, the calmness she brings, her love and affection.

I am a fucking horrible person. She has fallen in love with a version of myself that can't always be present. What if one day I'm not gonna be able to uphold my happiness?

She is such a positive person. I can't bare bringing down her mood. Literally.

Fucking shit. I need a solution. I know it would break her if I break up with her. And it would mean the end for Little Mix.

This relationship never should have happened. It's fate is doomed and it is way too deep rooted into our careers as well.

I stood up silently and took my key card with me.

I need fresh air.

I made my way up to the top of the hotel.

I breathed in immediately as the chilly air hit me.

I need something. A little help with my grieve and insecurities. All these deep rooted issues...

What Could help though? I mean really?

Alcohol isn't it. If anything it'd make things worse now.

Something else. Something that's calming.

Think Beth.

I couldn't stop thinking about this nightmare. God if it were to ever happen I'd really kill myself.

I can't lose these five girls. Even Sam died in this nightmare. Fucking hell.

I don't know why but I'm just feeling numb. I can't even cry about it right now.

Why now? Seriously why Now? I've been having the greatest time, my girlfriend and I have had no problems at all, my bandmates and I still click as well as the first time.

Every time I'm in A good place, life loves to screw me over. What the fuck have I done to deserve this.

The worst is, I know that they care about me, that's why I can't bring myself to leave. All of my nightmares just show me what till this day haunts me from the deepest corner of my mind.

If I stay close to them, something will inevitably happen to them.

Could I really live with being the reason they get hurt?

I need to get myself out of this victim mindset. It won't help me.

Perrie Edwards, why can't you just stop caring about me for your own good? Stop loving me. It will be your destruction.

The same goes for you, Jade, Jesy and Leigh-Anne. I'm gonna be the downfall of us all.

Alright these thoughts have to stop.

I was on the edge of the roof and held onto the railing.

So easy to just stop all the torn thoughts.