the spaces between us ➳ larry stylinson

chapter forty-five

published on june 22, 2021

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Louis' point of view

"Lou Boo! GET UP!" Phoebe yelled as she jumped on Louis' bed.

Louis sat up, rubbed his eyes tiredly, and pulled Phoebe down on the bed, attacking her with tickles. Giggles started to fall out of the little girl's mouth and caused Louis to break into a smile.

"Go downstairs and eat breakfast; I'll be down in a little bit!" Louis told Phoebe as he let his grip around her loosen.

Phoebe reluctantly got off his bed and went down stairs. Right when Phoebe walked out of his room, Louis fell back on his mattress and put his hands over his face, sighing loudly. Today was the day he was dreading all week. He just wished that he had a little more time with Harry before he went off and started a new life. They had only been dating for a couple of months now - but those months had been the best of his life.

Before Harry was in perspective, Louis was going through a rough patch. His parents went through a divorce and he didn't take it lightly. His parents' constant fighting would cause Louis to lock himself in his room and hide. He would try to distract himself but nothing would work. He was always too scared to open up and let people in; so he would keep to himself. Without even meaning to or realizing it, he distanced himself from everyone. Zayn and Niall would try to text him but he wouldn't answer and would end up just turning off his phone because it all would get to be too much. Sometimes they would show up at his door, but he would make Jay answer it and say he was out or in the shower - or something like that.

The more that Louis was alone with himself, the more he realized how much he hated his body. He hated how prominent his cheekbones were, how his stomach stuck out, how his lips were so thin, and how his bum made his figure look more feminine. He found himself looking at others and wishing that he could look just like them. 

Louis wished that he could go to bed one day and wake up in some else's body.

Whenever he was alone, he would get lost in his thoughts - and that was a scary place to be all alone in. Louis tried to reach out to Niall and Zayn again, but was terrified that they wouldn't want to talk to him because he had just cut them off. So he never ended up sending the text. Louis knew that they probably would just reject him - because who would want to be friends with someone like him anyway?

That was when Louis fell in love with music. 

Niall had already taught him some things on his guitar, so he tried songwriting. He would just write down how he was feeling and it became a getaway. 

It was like therapy in a way. 

The more he would write, the better Louis felt. It was a way of getting everything off his chest without saying it directly. He would write down things that he would never tell anyone. He was way too scared to share them with anyone so he kept them to himself and never planned to tell them to anyone...

Well, anyone except Harry.

After months of writing, he was gaining his confidence back. It still wasn't 100% there, but it was a start and that was better than nothing.

Niall and Zayn showed up at his door one day and were not taking 'no' for an answer. Louis let them in and ended up explaining everything. He explained how sorry he was for cutting them off and how he was now getting better. If Zayn and Niall didn't show up that day, then Louis might not have been where he is now. He knows now that he can share anything with these two boys.