Almost...

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I finally had to turn my phone off yesterday because everyone was calling and texting non-stop. I listened to Andrew's message before I went to bed last night and it made me break down into tears. He wasn't mad or yelling but god I could hear the hurt in his voice.

Today I forced myself to get out of bed and shower first thing this morning.  Dressed in a white tank top and jeans I sit down and begin planning my next trip. I figure getting away will be good for me. Before I know it it's after noon and decide I need to eat something so I order food. I still need to go to the grocery store but I really don't have a desire to do so. So delivery it is. Just a few minutes later there's a knock at the door.

"Wow that was really fast."

Just thinking about food made my stomach growl so I'm glad they got here so quick. I open the door and step back in suprise. It's not the delivery guy. It's Andrew. He's leaning against the door jam in a suit. He must of taken off his tie because it's gone and the top buttons of his shirt are undone. He looks good. And mad.

"Andrew, what are you doing here?"

He pushes off the door jam and walks towards me dragging in his suitcase with him.

"Really Abigail? What am I doing here? I think the better question is what the hell are you doing here?"

He lets go of his suitcase but keeps coming towards me. I don't know why but I keep walking backwards away from him. Eventually, I bump into the couch and then he's on me. He takes my face in his hands and bends down so we're eye to eye.

"Sweatheart, what are you doing? Why did you run away?" He lays his forhead against mine. "Come home with me, Abby."

I rest my hands on his arms and close my eyes.

"I can't. That's not my home."

He pulls back and holds me at arms length.

"Bullshit it isn't. I asked you to move in with me and you said yes. That makes it your home as much as it is mine."

"You asked me because we got pregnant. I'm not pregnant anymore and-" I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I can go on. "And there's no baby forcing us together anymore." I open my eyes and look at him. "I'm giving you an out Andrew. Take it."

"Fuck that." He steps closer to me. "I didn't ask for an out and sure as hell don't want one." 

"You say that now but really Andrew, if I wouldn't of gotten pregnant do you think we would still be together."

"Hell yes I do." He pulls me close to him. "I love you, Abigail. I'm in love with you and I'm pretty sure I have been since the first minute I laid eyes on you."

I push away from him and walk out of arms reach.

"I think you just feel that way because of Olive. You never said it until you were trying to get me to go to the hospital and you haven't said it since."

"Don't do that. Don't fucking tell me my feelings aren't real Abby."

"I'm not saying they aren't real. I believe that you care about me and I believe that you love me as the mother of your child but, Andrew, I don't think you're in love me. I don't think I'm the kind of woman that you can love."

"Why the hell not?"

I look down at my feet.

"I'm broken." I feel the tears start as I look up at him. "Losing Olive broke me. It broke me in a way that I don't think can ever be fixed." He starts to walk towards me but I hold out my arm to make him stop. "You deserve someone who isn't broken Andrew. I love you but a part of me died with Olive. And you deserve better than what I can give you. Better than what I can be for you."

"You think I'm not broken? Do you think losing my daughter didn't break me?" He gets in my face and points at me. "You don't get to pretend like what happened only happened to you. Jesus christ, Abigail she was my daughter too. I know you went throught the physical pain and I wish, God Abby, do I wish I could of gone through it for you, but I couldn't. But that doesn't mean that my pain-" He jabs his finger against his chest, "the pain I feel right in here is any less that yours."

He walks away from and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"And then to ad to that pain I get a call from Leo saying you just up and left without so much as a word to me." He turns and I see the moisture in his eyes. "What little bit of my heart that was still intact you managed to shatter, Abby."

I'm getting mad now.

"I didn't leave without a word I wrote you a long letter explaining why I couldn't stay. And goddammit Andrew, I know she was your daughter too. I know you're hurting too but what difference does that make? How can we be good for each other if we're both broken?"

He steps back into my space and places his hand on my cheek.

"Sweetheart, we won't be broken forever. We can remember Olive together and heal together."

"You don't know that. Some people can't recover from a loss like that. Cassie couldn't."

Leo's first wife, my friend, she couldn't recover. I lost her just like I lost Eli and Olive and my parents. So much loss.

"You are not Cassie. What happened to her won't happen to you, I won't let it. I'm here for you. Please just let me be here for you."

I start to shake my head as I try to pull away but he pulls me against him.

"Abigail do you love me?"

"Yes. I love you, Andrew. "

He kisses me then and I let him. When he kisses me I forget everything else. So for now I let myself forget that I'm broken and that he is too. I forget about all my loss and heartbreak. When I'm in Andrew's arms I can almost believe that everything will be okay. Almost.

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