Follow You (Second Chances Series Book 3)

I'm not strong enough...

I've lost track of time. I know its some time the following day. I haven't left our bed except to go to bathroom a couple of times. Andrew tried to get me to eat last night and again this morning but I couldn't make myself do it. It required more energy than I currently have. At some point last night Andrew came to bed and just held me. He tried talking to me a few times but I didn't really hear what he was saying.

I feel like I'm no longer here. Or more accurately, I no longer want to be here. My heart was shattered into a million little peices yesterday and I feel like I'll never be able to make it whole again. It hurts, it physically hurts in a way I never thought possible.

This baby wasn't planned but this baby is loved. Loved more than I could ever put into words. And to know that when I finally get to hold him or her, it will be the only time I get to, is more than my mind can comprehend. So I've just shut down.

I've started feeling contractions but I haven't told Andrew. If I pretend they aren't happening then I don't have to face what comes next.

Andrew comes into our room and lays next to me so that we're facing each other. I see him but I don't. He pushes my hair behind my ear.

"Abby, you need to eat something. I know you don't want to but, sweetheart, you're going to need strength to get through the delivery."

I just keep staring past his shoulder.

"Can I help you take a shower or a bath? Maybe that will make you feel well enough to eat."

Again, I don't respond. He gets up and disappears into the bathroom. I hear water running and then he's back. He takes off his clothes and then comes to the side of the bed to pull me up into a seated position so he can pull his shirt off over my head. He lifts me to my feet and slides down my underwear. When I try to lie back down he picks me up and carries me into the shower. The shower is big and has a seat in it so he sits and holds me in his lap as the water runs over both of us.

"How are you feeling? Any contractions yet?"

I don't move or make a sound.

"Abigail, you have to tell me if you're feeling anything."

I don't answer. He just sighs and after a few minutes he stands up and sets me on my feet so he can wash both of us. He's gentle and takes his time. When he's done he turns off the water and dries us both off. Back in the bedroom he pulls out another one of his shirts and dresses me before brushing my hair. I climb back in bed and continue to stare at the wall.

Andrew gets dressed himself and then leaves the room. While he's gone I have a big contraction and bite my lip to keep from yelling out. He returns with a tray of food but I still can't eat so he sets the food on the bedside table and kisses my forehead before leaving the room again.

I have no idea how much time passes but there's a light knock at the bedroom door and then I hear Leo's voice.

"Abs, it's me, Leo. I'm coming in, okay?"

Leo comes in the room and sits on the bed before taking my hand in his.

"Hey, Andrew called me and told me what's going on. Abby, I am so sorry."

I don't respond, I don't even look at him. I know he understands my pain because he lost his son, Eli. I was there for him and his wife, Cassie, when they lost him to cancer. And then again for Leo when he lost Cassie shortly after. He wants to be here for me now but I don't want comfort or understanding. I want for it to not be happening at all so I chose to ignore him.

"Abby, you need to eat something. Will you eat for me, please?" When I continue to ignore him he lays down so he can get in my face. "Abigail, I know what this feels like. I wish to god I didn't but I do. I know how much it hurts just to breathe right now but, honey, you have to keep breathing. You have to keep fighting and you have to stay strong. I'm here for you, Andrew is here for you and so is everyone else. You are not in this alone. Let us help you."

I feel the tears running down my face but I still can't make myself get up. I can't make myself eat or talk or face the reality of what's coming.

"Abby, Andrew thinks you've been having contractions but you won't tell him." I close my eyes. "Hey, look at me." He waits but I refuse to open my eyes back up. "Abby, answer me."

I feel him leave the bed and when I open my eyes I see that Andrew is standing in the doorway.

"I think you're right. She won't answer me but she closed her eyes and refused to look at me when I asked about the contractions. And she's still refusing to eat."

"Well I guess I'll call the doctor and just take her back to the hospital now. They can check her out and maybe get an IV going so she's at least not dehydrated."

"No."

It's the first time I've used my voice in almost 24 hours. And  it hurts my throat.

Andrew comes over to me.

"Yes. If you won't talk to me and tell me what's going on then I have no other choice, Abby."

I look at him then and I feel myself go a little mad. I feel my eyes go wide as the tears flood out them.

"No. No. No!"

I push at him as I yell the word over and over again. I want him to go away. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to say goodbye to my baby.

He grabs my forearms and holds me against him.

"Abby, calm down, please." I hear the raw emotion in voice. "Sweetheart, if your having contractions then we have to go. I know you don't want to but you have to. We can't do this alone. Please, Abby, I don't want anything to happen to you. Please."

He's holding me and rocking me back and forth begging me to do this for him. I want to say yes, for his sake, but I can't. I'm not strong enough.

I push him away from me and get out of bed. I head straight for the bathroom and lock the door.

"Abby!"

Andrew tries to open the door and when he can't he starts banging on it.

"Go away!" I slide down to the floor and curl up in a ball holding onto my baby.

I hear Andrew talking to Leo.

"Take my phone and call Dr. Moores office and tell them we're heading to the hospital."

The door opens a few minutes later and Andrew walks in. I forgot there was a pin to pop the lock open. He walks over to where I'm laying on the floor and scoops me up into his arms so he can carry me back into the bedroom where he sets me on the bed next to a pair of my shorts and sandals. He gets me fully dressed and then bends down to look me in the face.

He takes my face in his hands and holds me there when I try to pull away.

"Abby, this will be the hardest thing you ever have to do in your life but I promise you that you can do this. I promise you that you are strong enough to make it through this. I love you, Abby." That breaks through my invisible wall that I've built and my eyes go wide and more tears pour out. "I swear I've loved you since I first saw you walk into Cassie's Hope. You, Abigail Anderson, are the love of my life and I promise you that we will survive this. Together."

He kisses me then. It's not a sexual kiss, it's a tender kiss, that he pours his heart and soul into. When he pulls back he rests his forhead on mine.

"Are you ready?"

I let out a sob but I shake my head yes so Andrew helps me to my feet and then guides me out to the car. Leo gives me a long hug before I get in.

"I'm coming to the hospital. I'll stay out of your way but I'll be there just incase you guys need anything." He kisses my forehead. "I love you."

Leo gives Andrew a hug also before walking off to his own car. Once Andrew and I are bulcked in he takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles before driving towards the hospital. The hospital where we'll get to meet our baby and then say goodbye to our baby all at the same time.