𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃

37 | detrimental

When I first started taking Lithium, it took a few weeks for me to feel the effects of the drug. Some of the side effects were troublesome while others were tolerable and the dosage you take obviously varies per person but it is essential that the lithium levels are constant in your body, otherwise the treatment will fail.

And this is where things went wrong for me.

As soon as I stopped taking the medication, my body and my mind had grown accustomed to it, to the point that it was hard for me to return to my original prescription.

I hate the person I become when I'm out of control.

I made some bad decisions when I was in the manic headspace.

I cheated on my boyfriend.

I know, I'm pathetic.

When I was taking Lithium, I was in a constant state of tiredness and it felt like I was submerged. The world around me was flooding and I was trying to navigate through it mostly through instinct. I found myself feeling sick most of the time as I threw up often and I was physically weak. The doctor immediately reduced my dosage from four times to three times a day, but that wasn't enough to get rid of the fatigue. I guess that it was fine since I wouldn't feel constantly overwhelmed.

Feeling like my head is underwater is better than feeling too many things at once. It's a renewed kind of calm, one that maintains the same usual state of exhaustion where my brain is too tired to process information and my muscles are somewhat worn out.

This kind of calm keeps me still.

It keeps me stable.

I'm too tired to feel anything anyway, so all I can do is let the water in and succumb to the medicine's effect. Let myself submerge under the waves.

This is the only path to recovery, isn't it?

If this is the only way, then I can prolong it for a little while longer.

Until I get all the money that I need to gain my freedom.

That way once my uncle is off my back, I can finally work at a steady pace to pay back the people I borrowed money from. I'm close to paying Alanah's debt, so Sam's next.

* * *

This entire week has been utterly exhausting, but at least I've been incredibly productive. Instead of slugging on my bed and moping around, crying about how doomed I would be if I failed to retrieve my uncle's money, I concluded that it would be best if I came up with ways to make money fast and efficiently. So, I decided to use the internet to my greatest advantage, by selling some of my clothes and dresses at a safe website. There are plenty of young girls who are in need of cute fancy outfits, so why not help each other out?

As for my two jobs, I managed to save some money here and there, by cutting down on groceries mostly. I'm so close to gathering three grand, but I only have four more days to get the rest of the money.

Much to my luck, my uncle hasn't contacted me ever since that rainy night and to be honest, I was relieved. I was in no position to deal with his petty threats and warnings and I needed to focus on my primary goal here.

I came up with the brilliant idea of selling my furniture because if I sold any more of my clothes, I would end up wearing my dirty laundry for the rest of the week. So again, I used my Instagram page to my advantage when I posted a good picture of my sofa, recliner and kitchen table. When nobody responded within the first twenty-four hours of the Instagram story, I had lost all hope when I received a message two days later from a guy from my university who said that his best friend was going to move in with her girlfriend and she was in need of a recliner and a kitchen table. Much to my surprise, this couple actually attends the same university as me and they live in the neighborhood, which means that I wouldn't have to worry about the shipment much. I was over the moon when I received that message because if that couple hadn't texted me, there's no way I would make it to five grand any time soon.

It was hurtful to see my recliner and kitchen table getting shipped away because I've had some of my most gleeful memories at those two places. And all of the memories of course were shared with Jimin. Since they were used furniture, I couldn't sell them in a very high price so I settled with a good 1200 bucks (after a lot of bargaining from both ends) for both the table, four chairs and the recliner. And that means I only have to get 800 more.

Eight hundred dollars is all it takes to get rid of my uncle.

I only have one more day to find someone who wants to purchase my sofa.

The sofa for my freedom.

do you like seeing things from Evelyn's POV?