Who Needs Love Anyway?

Part 46

Keith kept his gaze back at the sun for another ten minutes thinking. He could lie. He really could and then they could go on their happy way and finish this stupid space war and live happily ever after.

Or he could risk the truth

The awkward truth that could lead to either a lifetime of embarrassment and regret... or happiness.

But Keith had yet to actually see a happy love story

He didn't hold much hope for his own.

"It's just an apology ok."

He could leave it at that... right?

"Apology?"

Damn it Lance

Keith nodded still keeping his gaze firmly away from Lance. It was hard to admit that he still wasn't ready. At least he didn't think he was. It didn't feel like the way people always gossiped about or the stories parents told their kids.

"Keith you have nothing to apologize for."

What a lie.

Keith let his teeth sink into his bottom lip finally looking away from the sunset. Lance's face held no anger or pity. It was just soft and silly Lance. The same look in his eyes that Keith couldn't really describe.

"Keith. I have all my memories and emotions and I'm alive. You have nothing to apologize for. Even if you aren't ready to talk about it. I would like to talk about it honestly but I don't mind waiting obviously," Lance waved his hand slightly between them

"That's bullshit. Lance you almost died."

"I've already done that remember and I didn't this time."

"Allura couldn't bring you back this time if you did," Keith hissed

"Yeah but she didn't need to," Lance pointed out as Keith cussed under his breath slightly

Why did he have to make everything so hard?

"You are such an idiot sometimes it pisses me off."

"Me?" Lance snorted

"Yeah you," Keith narrowed his eyes, "The whole self sacrificing bullshit. The keeping yourself locked away from others. Not telling people the important things Lance. I get you don't want to be a bother but you were killing yourself."

"You know everything you just said sounds a bit familiar," Lance pointed a finger at Keith, "I know a certain dark haired idiot who literally ran away because he thought we were better off without him."

"That wasn't the only freaking reason Lance!"

"Oh come on you complained about being on a team more than anyone. Being solo on the Blade was perfect for you. What other reason did you have?"

"I was trying to distance myself from you," Keith spat looking away feeling Lance's eyes still on him

Keith could feel Lance's lingering questions in the air but none spilled. So much taking their time.

"You just... I couldn't. I suck at this. All of it so I run and bury it so I don't have to deal with it. It's better shutting it down than getting hurt later on and I was so done being hurt," Keith knew the bitterness in his voice was heavy

"I left because I knew if I stayed it wouldn't be a crush anymore. So I was a coward and protected myself. It worked too. Feelings waned and I went on only wondering if you all were safe. Even from that stupid whale I spent two years dealing with flashes of the future and past and I was fine. Then I had to come back to find you sick."

"So wait... you liked me... then didn't... and then..."

Keith couldn't understand Lance's confusion but he needed to calm himself more before he tossed both of them off the cliff they were near.

"You were sick and different and I wasn't surprised at all that you fell in love with someone while I was gone because it's you. You always just had that draw to you. You always fell in love with every girl we came across. I really just thought the Allura thing got out of hand," Keith tried to ignore that familiar urge of jealousy when it came to that thought

"I thought it was someone else and I was ok with that. I was hurt for you. I wanted it to work for you I did. Then-" Keith let his voice drop

Thoughts of their days and nights in space and here flooded back to him. The touches and jokes. The sleeping and careful talks. The care and concern. The simple fact that they were there, together and working as one again with such ease. Like Keith never left.

"You are like a damn illusion you know. I barely saw it coming the first time and the second time I tried to dodge it. I can't control this," He clutched the fabric near his heart, "I can't and it stresses me out. I didn't want it. Not after seeing everyone else's tragic love story. I didn't want to get those stupid school boy crushes other gushed about in the halls at the Garrison. Not after already getting my heart cracked over and over again. Trusting people already sucks enough. Actually falling in love..."

Keith's fingers spasmed stressing the fabric in his hands a bit more. The sun still sinking. Hints of pink and purple kissing the sky preparing their farewell.

"You were afraid you getting your heart broken again," Lance conclusion seemed rocky like he was still trying to process the train wreck of Keith's logic

"I just don't understand how anyone could even love a wreck like me permanently. They don't actually and there is plenty of history backing that," Keith finished finally releasing his shirt from his grip

"Keith," Lance could only blink confused at that statement

Is that seriously what he thought?

"Keith, you can't control... you can't change what use to be. Obviously I wasn't really there when you were younger and when I was I was simply jealous. It wasn't because I saw you as a wreck Keith. You were amazing. You still are. The cracks people put on you can heal with help or on your own. However you want to do it but I've never looked at you and saw a wreck

Lance dug his toe into the sand pushing a rock up slightly. He thought this would be easier. Keith apparently loved him back. He thought they could at least... try and say hi.

He wasn't expecting this.

"You aren't a wreck Keith. There is more to you than I think you realize because I know I may flirt and mess around a lot... but when it comes to loving someone it's different. My mom always said I loved a bit too hard and she has always been right. When I love I want to love fully even if I can only show it in the tiny details. Do you really think I would have fallen in love with you if you were as broken and terrible as you think you are?"